The World’s Oldest Profession Is Actually Teaching

, , , , , , | | Learning | June 9, 2019

(We are in school discussing current events, specifically the fact that our state’s governor resigned earlier today.)

Teacher: “Did everyone hear what happened to [Governor]?”

Student #1: “He resigned.”

Teacher: “Does anyone know why?”

Student #2: “He was involved in a prostitution scandal.”

Teacher: “Correct.”

Student #3: “Wait? He was a prostitute?”

(No, silly, he was the client.)

Assuming (Talking About) Gender

, , , , , , , | Related | April 4, 2019

(I am about four years old and sitting in the back seat of my mom’s car as we drive somewhere. All of a sudden, I ask this gem.)

Me: “Mommy, what does ‘sex’ mean?”

(There is a long pause as my mom tries to figure out how to explain this to a four-year-old. Finally, she comes up with a response.)

Mom: “Well, why do you ask?”

Me: “Because there’s a piece of paper on the seat and it says, ‘Sex: M or F.’”

(Cue a sigh of relief from my mom.)

Cinco De Nono

, , , , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(I’m a cashier at a local chain store, currently running the self-checkout. We have various songs sung in Spanish playing. Part way through my shift, I’m approached by a customer who’s finished her transaction.)

Customer: *coming very close to me* “When did you sell your store to Mexicans?”

Me: *blinks* “We… didn’t, ma’am.”

Customer: “Then what’s with this music? I can’t understand a word of it!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s Cinco de Mayo.”

Customer: “Oh!”

(The sad part is, we’ve been playing holiday-appropriate music for years. Is it really that hard to think that we’d play music in Spanish for Cinco de Mayo?)

Refunder Blunder, Part 31

, , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(A customer walks into our store while I am on the register.)

Customer: “I’d like to do a return.”

Me: “Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then I can only do a store credit.”

Customer: “If I come back later with the receipt, can do you the return and give me my money back?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

(The customer leaves and comes back about a half hour later.)

Me: “You’re here to do the return now?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.” *puts the receipt on the counter*

Me: “What are you returning today?”

Customer: “Some shirts.”

(There is a pause while I wait for the customer to take out the shirts. She doesn’t.)

Me: “Can I have the shirts, ma’am?”

Customer: “You said if I brought the receipt in; I could do the return.”

Me: “That’s correct, but I still need the merchandise you’re returning.”

Customer: “It says here that I bought them. You can ask the nice girl who was working.”

Me: “I can see you bought them, but I need to take them back.”

Customer: “I can show you my bank statements if you want. They’ll show you I bought them here.”

Me: “That’s nice, but I still need the shirts if I’m going to do the return.”

Customer: “You told me I could do the return if I had the receipt.”

(At this point, I call for my manager. He comes over.)

Manager: “What’s going on?”

Customer: “This nice young gentlemen here told me I could do a return if I had the receipt.”

Manager: *to me* “So, what’s the problem? Do the return.”

Me: “She doesn’t have the merchandise she’s returning.”

(The manager tells the customer exactly what I told her. She gives him the same routine about the receipt and the bank statements. Finally, since a line is forming, and the shirts only came to $30 total, the manager gives her the money back just to get rid of her. After I’m done helping the waiting customers, the manager comes over to me.)

Manager: “I only gave her the money back because she was completely polite and was never nasty to me or to you. If she had started to be rude, I’d have kicked her out right away.”

Pop Goes Your Intention

, , , , , , , , | Learning | September 16, 2017

(A student walks into the cafeteria. This student’s family owns numerous local pizza restaurants.)

Student: *to cafeteria worker* “I brought this pastry from home. Can you toast it in your toaster?”

Cafeteria Worker: “If I bring a frozen pizza from home into your uncle’s restaurant and ask him to heat it up in the oven, will he do that for me?”

Student: “Well, no.”

Cafeteria Worker: “Then I guess you’re out of luck.”