You Won’t Be Putting Out Any Fires With Those!

, , , , | Related | November 3, 2017

(I am three years old. Because I am young, my breasts are yet to develop, and young me is really worried about this. This conversation occurs on the way to the post office.)

Me: “Mommy, why are your nipples big and my nipples small?”

Mom: “Because you aren’t old enough.”

Me: “Will my nipples be big?”

Mom: “When you get older, yes.”

(Just then a fire truck passes us, and apparently this causes something to click in my young brain. We now arrive at the post office.)

Worker: *to me* “What would you like to be when you grow up? *is probably expecting some cutesy answer like “fairy” or “princess”*

Me: *proudly* “I want to be a fireman, with big nipples!”

(My mom burst out laughing, while the worker just stared at my mom as if she had just sprouted another head.)

It’s Stressful To Have Multiple Callings In Life

, , , , | Right | November 2, 2017

Me: “Your address?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well, because it’s not coming from me; it’s coming from the company I work for. Let me call them.”

(The customer calls the company to find out the address she’s shipping from, then gives me the address.)

Me: “Great, thanks. Okay, and the address for where they’re going?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s… I don’t know. Let me call them again.”

(Customer calls the company to find out where she’s shipping to and gives me the address.)

Me: “What’s in the box?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know that either. It was sealed when I got it.” *sigh* “I’ll call them.”

(The customer calls the company to find out what’s in the box she has, then gives me the information.)

Me: *expecting what she’s going to say, and thankful that this is the last question I’ll need an answer to* “And the approximate value?”

Customer: “Um… I guess… Probably about… Actually, let me call them again to find out.”

A Cents-able Waste Of Time

, , , | Right | October 19, 2017

(I walk up to the line at the post office to purchase a stamp for my letter and stand behind a mother who is frantically trying to keep her rambunctious toddler in check. I can tell she has been waiting here for quite some time, as the elderly lady in front of her is asking a hundred questions about the package she wants to deliver. The mother has to leave the line a couple times to get her toddler to come back into line. She apologizes numerous times and I tell her not to worry about it. The first lady finally finishes and the mother takes her turn. She ends up having to change the size of her box, run out of line to fetch her child, and has trouble finding the cash to pay. She continues to apologize with each incident that arises. I smile and tell her there is no rush and to take her time. She finally finishes, thanks me for my patience, and pulls over to the side to corral her toddler and put her wallet into her purse. I walk up to the clerk.)

Me: “Hello, I’d like to mail this letter. I know the mailing price increased over the new year and I have an old stamp on this letter. I would like a one-cent stamp to make up for the increase, please.”

(The clerk and lady just looked at me and laughed, as it took me about a half-hour to get a one-cent stamp.)

Your Days Working Here Are “Numbered”

, , , | Working | October 16, 2017

(I need to send a package to a friend who has just started university. The post office has to input the address details to generate a postage label. The address is in the format: Flat 123a, Building, 456 Anywhere Street, City, Postcode.)

Postal Clerk: “This address doesn’t work.”

Me: “Uh, sorry?”

Postal Clerk: “It has too many numbers.”

Me: “That’s the address, though.”

Postal Clerk: “But you can’t have a flat number AND a street number.”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you. That’s the address.”

Postal Clerk: “I’ll need to get the manager.”

(She explains the problem to the manager, rolling her eyes at me the whole time.)

Manager: “You do this.” *taps a few keys* “See?”

Postal Clerk: “But… there’s too many numbers!”

Manager: *to me* “That’s £2.85; thank you very much.”

(The clerk stood there glaring between me and the manager as I paid and got my proof of posting, and as I left I heard her say, “But there were TOO MANY NUMBERS!” I think that manager was in for a long day.)

Not Thinking Inside The Mailbox

, , , , , | Working | September 27, 2017

(I am standing in line at my local post office when I overhear this:)

Man: “There’s been a problem; I’ve put my mail on hold, but it’s still being delivered.”

Worker: *interrupting him* “Yes, your mail was delivered to your mailbox.”

Man: “My mail was put on hold because I don’t have a mailbox right now.”

Worker: “Well, you should have been issued a temporary city-given one.”

(In our city, if a mailbox is damaged, it will be replaced by the city.)

Man: “No, I don’t have a mailbox, temporary or not. And now I’m looking for a week’s’ worth of mail.”

Worker: “The mail was delivered to your mailbox!”

Man: “The mail that should have been on hold was delivered to the mailbox I don’t have.”

Worker: “I’m sure the delivery person was just trying to be nice!”

Man: “By delivering my held mail to a mailbox that’s not mine?”

(Throughout this entire conversation, the post office worker continued to walk in circles about the mail, which should have been held, being delivered to either a mailbox that didn’t exist or to the wrong one. No apologies were given, either, and no ETA was given on the missing mail.)

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