Didn’t Pass For The Passport

| Brisbane, Australia | Extra Stupid

(I’m a customer waiting in line at the post office. A man is having his passport photo taken: the rules are quite strict on what photos are allowed.)

Employee: “Okay, we’re going to have to take another photo. Your mouth was open slightly and they won’t accept it. So, just look straight at the camera with your eyes open and your mouth shut.”

Customer: “At the same time?!”

This Phone-y Claim Doesn’t Ring True

| North Carolina, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I am working the front counter at the post office. Customer #1 is in front of me, while Customers #2 and #3 are at the center counter filling out paperwork.)

Customer #2: “Hey, have you seen my cellphone?”

Customer #3: “I thought you brought it in with you.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, so did I. Can you call it for me?’

(Customer #3 obliges and dials Customer #2’s phone. Surprisingly, a phone starts ringing. Customer #2 walks around by the front of the counter and looks at Customer #1.)

Customer #s: “Ma’am, I think my phone is in your purse.”

Customer #1: “No, you must be mistaken. That’s my phone.”

Customer #2: “Well, if it’s your phone, aren’t you going to answer it?”

Customer #1: “I think I’ll let it go to voicemail.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you need to show us that phone.”

(She reluctantly reaches into her purse and brings out the phone. Customer #2 takes the phone.)

Customer #2: “That is MY phone!”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot. I did find it on the counter and I was going to turn it in, but I got distracted…”

(Moral of the story: if you’re going to steal a cellphone, have the sense to turn the ringer off!)

Best Not Berate Bob Or You’ll Get The Boot

| New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

(I go to my local post office several times a week. One the employees, Bob, always has a smile on his face no matter what. One day, I come in and see he’s the only one working. There’s a long line due to many large and complicated orders. A customer comes in behind me, sees the long line, and starts complaining about the slow service.)

Customer: “It’s much faster at [other] post office. Don’t you think they are slow here?”

Me: “No. I think there are a lot of people, it’s lunch time, and Bob there is going as fast as he can.”

Customer: “They are much faster at [other] office.”

Me: “No, they aren’t. That’s why I come here. Bob’s as fast as he can be. Look, he’s not slacking. You can see he’s working as fast as possible.”

Customer: “But they are so rude here!”

(Now I’m angry. This office, and Bob, in particular, is never rude.)

Me: “No, they are not rude. They are nice, even when they have to deal with people like you.”

Customer: *stomps around* “Well, I’m never coming here again! Everyone is rude and slow! Next time, I’m going to [other] office instead!”

Me: “Why don’t you just go there now?”

Customer: “I will!”

(As she leaves, all the other customers nod in relief and the tension in the line disappears.)

Bob: *still smiling, to me* “Thank you.”