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Honesty Not Included

| UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I am the customer in this story. I am posting a present to a relative in Finland.)

Post Office: “What is in the parcel?”

Me: “Children’s toy.”

Post Office: “Does it contain batteries?”

Me: “No…”

Post Office: “Okay, then that’s fine. Please pass it through the window.”

Parcel: *starts singing jaunty nursery rhyme as I accidentally hit a button whilst passing it to her*

Post Office & Me: *avoid eye contact and pretend we heard nothing*

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Small Parcel, Big Reaction

| Cornwall, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Popular

(I am sending a parcel at the local post office and take it up to the counter to be weighed and measured. It is slightly too long to be considered a small parcel although it is fine weight and width-wise.)

Me: “I’d like to send this parcel first class.”

Cashier: “I’m very sorry but it is too large to count as a small parcel.”

Me: “Not a problem. I should have folded it smaller.”

Cashier: “You’d have probably not fitted the width restrictions then.”

Me: “Oh, yes, typical!” *said with a smile and a laugh* “Just tell me how much it is and I’ll pay.”

Cashier: “Oh, really? It’s [amount].”

Me: “I’m guessing most people don’t have the same reaction?”

Cashier: “You wouldn’t believe…”

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Obama Drama, Part 2

| USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

(It’s the day before taxes are due and a few last minute customers are mailing out their returns. Customer #1 is addressing his envelope while Customer #2 is filling out a money order for a payment.)

Customer #1: “I really got hit this year!”

Customer #2: *murmurs sympathetically*

Customer #1: “But I guess I’m just stuck paying like this until we get a Republican governor again.”

Customer #2: *glances at him* “Yeah…?”

(There’s a slight pause as Customer #1 thinks.)

Customer #1: “We’ve got a Republican governor right now, don’t we?”

Customer #2: “Yup!”

(The Republican governor had already been in office three years; he was preceded by another Republican.)

Related:
Obama Drama

Putting Your Stamp On The Language

| Yellowknife, NWT, Canada | Language & Words

(A family friend is visiting from Quebec. His English is mostly good but suffers from occasional lapses.)

Clerk: “How may I help you today?”

Friend: “Yes, hello. I need to buy some timbers.”

Clerk: “Some what?”

Friend: “Timbers.”

Clerk: “Sir, this is a post office. Perhaps you want the hardware store?”

Friend: “No, no, timbers. To mail the letters with. The little pictures? They are, um, gluey on the back?”

Clerk: *light-bulb moment* STAMPS. You want stamps.”

Friend: “Yes! Stamps.”

(The French word for “stamp” is “timbre”, pronounced like “TAM-bruh”.)

Friend: *to me, in French* “Why didn’t you help me?”

Me: *in French* “I thought it was funny.”

Friend: *in French* “What’s a ‘timber,’ then?”

Me: *in French* “It’s another word for wood.”

Friend: *in French* “Well, that makes NO sense. English is a crazy language.” *in English* “Yes, I will have a book of stampings, please.”

Their Poetry Isn’t Priceless Yet

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Language & Words, Transportation

(I’m a customer in a post office, mailing a submission for a national poetry contest (the name of which is stated on the envelope). The employee helping me has been entering information into the system.)

Employee: “So. how much is this poetry worth if lost?”

Me: “Only my heart and soul!”

Employee: “I’m just gonna go with a hundred dollars…”

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