It’s Becoming A More Popular “Lifestyle Choice”

, , , , | | Romantic | August 6, 2019

(I’m helping a customer fill out a form and we’ve gotten to the optional “equal opportunities” section.)

Me: “May I ask your sexual orientation? Again, this question is not compulsory; you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Customer: *whispering* “Divorced.”


Dad Is Shipping You

, , , , | | Related | July 19, 2019

(On a visit to Portsmouth Dockyard, home of the Victory and the Mary Rose, I happen to overhear a conversation between a father and his small son about a modern warship in another part of the yard.)

Son: “Who owns that ship, Dad?”

Father: “Nobody owns it. It’s for sale.”

Son: “Who’s going to buy it?”

Father: “Anyone can. You can buy it if you like, but I don’t know where you’re going to put it.”

(I strolled away with a smile on my face, wishing my own dad had been that cool.)

Unfiltered Story #143679

, , , | Unfiltered | March 15, 2019

A customer has a gas gift card and it fails to work outside at the pump.
Me: Let me see if I can do it inside, how much do you want (on the outside it says $50)
Customer: $20
So I type it in, slide the card, and I get an error, saying no pre-auth. (if the balance is zero is usually says insuff funds, and if there is less than $20 it does a partial approval for the remainder)
Me: The card is not going through, it’s saying it’s not authorized.
Customer: but there is $25 left on there, my mother gives me a gas card every week and I haven’t spent it all yet.
Me: Ok, but there is no way for me to put money on the pump, the register won’t let me.
Customer: Ok I’ll try it outside again, if it doesn’t work you need to call your manager or something this is bullshit.

I’m the only one working, and I know it won’t work because the card for some reason isn’t valid, so I wait for him to get frustrated and come back in.

Customer: Here (throws card at me) call the number on the  back because this is stupid there is $25 on there.

I have my computer so instead of calling the automated line, I just go to the website and type in the number. After I type in the card number it tells me that the balance on the card is $0.00.
Me: It says the balance is $0
Customer: Did you do it right? I’m going to a different station because you look like you just don’t give a F*ck.

and he left in a rage to the station (of the same kind) down the street.

Unfiltered Story #115775

, , , | Unfiltered | July 4, 2018

(In downtown Portsmouth there is an independent coffee shop down the street from a Starbucks. Besides coffee, they also sell tea and assorted baked goods. The place gets frequented by bikers, especially when the weather is nice and they can sit outside with their food and drinks. A ditzy bimbo, obviously from out of town, is on her phone.)

DB to girl behind counter: “Just a [complicated Starbucks-style order].” (goes back to her phone.)

(The girl behind counter, as well as everyone who heard her gives her a O.o kind of look.)

(After about a minute she stops talking and looks at the girl) “I need a [whatever] right now. Hurry up! I’m in a rush!”

A huge biker standing right behind her taps her on the shoulder and says, “This ain’t Starbucks, *****. Be nice, order something normal, or get the **** out.”

(Bimbo’s eyes got REAL big as she looked at the guy, said “I have to call you back” to her phone, and boogied out the door.)

These Callers Have Inky Intent

, , , , | Working | June 25, 2018

(I occasionally get calls on my personal cell phone from people I work with, so I have gotten in the habit of always answering my phone by stating my name if it is from a number I don’t recognize. One morning I get a call that appears as “No Caller ID.” I normally don’t answer these, but I have also recently entered a radio sweepstakes, so I decide to answer on the off-chance they want to tell me I’ve just won $1,000.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, [My Name], how are you doing this morning?

Me: “Fine, how are you?”

Caller: “Oh, you know, can’t complain. Say, could you tell me who supplies the ink and everything for the printer?”

Me: “What printer?”

Caller: “You guys don’t use a printer or fax?”

Me: “I don’t own a printer, no. And this is my personal number, not a business.”

Caller: *suddenly offended* “Oh, well, you said this is [My Name].” *click*

(I wasn’t aware that I was a business!)

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