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Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 14

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2020

I work in a grocery store bakery. Our bakery does not have a register and no one in the bakery is trained to use one. This customer approaches my counter when I’m just about to close and am the only person in the department.

Customer: “How much are these croissants?”

Me: “They’re $3.99, $2 with a club card.”

Customer: “I don’t have one of your stupid cards. Here, just take four.”

The customer tries to hand me cash.

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have a register; you have to pay for that up front or in the deli department next door.”

Customer: “I’m not walking all the way up front! Stop being lazy and just take the f****** money!”

Me: “Your purchases need to go through a register, and I’m not even trained to use one. Please stop trying to hand me your money and go find a clerk to process your transaction.”

Customer: “F*** you! I can’t believe you won’t let me pay you because you’re lazy. Get me a manager! I’m going to have your stupid a** fired!” 

Me: “Mmkay.”

I page over a manager and the customer is “nice” enough to explain the entire situation exactly before I can speak, albeit belligerently and loudly.

Manager: “Ma’am, every purchase needs to go through a register so we can keep track of what is sold and how much money is being earned; that’s how a business works.”

Customer: “Shut up! Thieves!”

The customer throws her money in my face and runs out of the store with the croissants.

Me: “So, uh, what now?” 

The manager picks up the money and begins counting.

Manager: “She left $20.” *Shuffles through it* “Here’s $16; consider it a tip. Too tired to deal with this s***.”

Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 13
Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 12
Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 11
Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 10
Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 9

Elephants Never Forget; Not So With Humans

, , , , , , , | Related | October 22, 2020

My family is playing board games one night, and we are playing a game where you build a city and place people in it to gain points. My mom places her tile but doesn’t have any people to place on her tile so she doesn’t get any points.

Me: “That’s what you get for spreading yourself too thin. Wasn’t that Napoleon’s problem?”

Brother: “No, he attacked Russia in winter.”

Me: “Then who am I thinking of?”

Brother: “Alexander the Great. But he also attacked Russia in winter.”

Me: “But he had elephants.”

Brother: “No, that was Hannibal.”

Wish You Could Chew This Customer Out

, , , , | Right | September 12, 2020

Me: “Hello, this is [Doctor]’s office. How may I help you?”

All I hear are very loud chewing and crunching noises. I wait for a half a minute, in case the caller was just finishing up a quick snack before they called.

Me: “Hello? Are you there? Can you hear me?”

Nope, still eating. I wait another half minute. The whole time, the caller doesn’t say anything but keeps eating. The sounds are making me feel nauseated, but I don’t want to just hang up on them.

Me: “Would you like to call back when you’re finished with your lunch?”

The caller chews faster and then swallows very audibly.

Caller: “No, thanks, I’m done now!”

The phone number to this office doesn’t have a hold queue, and most of the regular patients, including the one who called, are aware of this. I get that people are busy and can only call the doctor during their lunch break, but there is no excuse for calling while you’re in the middle of eating.

When Will Hagglers Learn This Will Never Work?

, , , , , | Right | August 3, 2020

An older man comes into the grooming department of our pet store as I have just finished grooming a dog, so I come up to see how I can help him.

Man: “How much do you charge for Schnauzers?”

Me: “Oh, about [fairly standard price for a small dog], and that includes the nails, bath, and the whole haircut.”

The man makes a gruff face.

Man: “That’s really expensive!”

Me: *With a small smile* “Oh, actually, we’re on the average to low end for the area.”

Man: “Where I go, it’s [price], and they do the bath and everything!”

His price is absurdly low, half of what I quoted him. I give him a wide but very bland smile, using a tactic I’ve often heard works with hagglers.

Me: “Oh, that sounds like a great price. I’d stick with that.”

The man huffs a bit and leaves the salon and the store. I’m still holding the dog I just finished and am just about to call his owners when the store manager walks in. 

Me: *Jokingly* “Hey, [Manager], I guess we’re really expensive for Schnauzers.”

Manager: “You were talking to the old guy? I just spent forever helping him find that forty-foot tie out. He said it was too expensive, as well, and he called me a cheap bastard because the store didn’t have a wheelchair for him to use.” *Frowns* “Hey, he just walked out without paying for that product!”

The Weird Adventures Of Brenda The Desperado

, , , | Right | July 6, 2020

I see a lot of interesting people in my store. I’m a fairly new employee and this is only my second week working there. It’s about two in the morning and I’m just kind of messing around and taking sips off a nasty new Coke product. 

In comes the most intriguing man ever. From the top down, he has a cowboy hat, long hair and beard, white denim jacket, tie-dye shirt, white jeans, and expensive snakeskin cowboy boots. He’s perusing for a bit and I’m expecting something outrageous to happen. I notice he has a revolver on his hip, and I get a little scared. 

He grabs two bottles of wine and some jerky. He brings them to the register and points through an overhead cigarette rack to a pack of Lucky Strikes — a weird non-filter cigarette brand I know was popular during the Second World War. I ring him up and tell him his total. He rifles through a wallet full of Monopoly money and foreign currency but decides to use his card. Card approved.

I start bagging his stuff and he’s just eyeing me. It kind of feels like he’s examining me for some sort of reaction. I make eye contact a couple of times and feel very small. His eyes are piercing me. 

I give him his bags and receipts and he actually starts talking, drumming up a casual conversation about concentration camps.

Actual quotes.

Cowboy: “Do you subscribe to the idea of Holocaust denial?”

Me: “Uh…”

Cowboy: “Hitler was an evil man. But he wasn’t so clever as to fake his death camps.”

Me: “Definitely not clever.”

Cowboy: “Would you be able to do it?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Cowboy: “Fake a concentration camp for fake political fulfillment.”

Me: “I mean, no. I work at a convenience store.”

Cowboy: “Hitler was a painter and half a eunuch. You have your balls, right?”

Me: “Uh…”

The cowboy nods politely and begins to leave. 

Me: “What’s your name, sir?”

Cowboy: “Call me Brenda.”

This man comes in twice a week and hasn’t spoken a word since. I love my job.

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