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When The Shoe Is On The Other Foot

, , , , , | Right | September 10, 2010

(I’m shoe shopping, and I’ve taken off my own shoes to try on some other pairs. Another customer is browsing in the same aisle; she looks at my shoes and starts to try them on.)

Me: “Excuse me? Those are mine.”

Customer: “No, they’re not. I saw them first.”

Me: “No, I mean, I bought them a while ago. See, they don’t have price tags on them.”

(Ignoring me, she takes off my shoes, and calls over an employee.)

Customer: “Do you have these in size seven?”

Employee: “I’ve never seen these before. Do you have the box they were in?”

Me: “That’s because they’re mine. They’re not from here.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “She keeps saying that, but I saw them first.”

Employee: “Uh, ma’am, she’s right. These are from [Another Shoe Store].”

Customer: “Oh. Well, can I buy them here?”

Employee: *gives me back my shoes* “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Well, if that’s how you treat your customers here, I’m leaving!”

(As she walks out, she stops to check out my bag on the floor.)

Me: “That’s mine, too.”


This story is part of our Oblivious Customers roundup!

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Finally Gets The Joint

, , , , | Right | July 31, 2010

(A customer enters the shop and smells strongly of marijuana.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarette papers?”

Me: “Sure. Do you need any loose cigarette tobacco?”

Customer: “Why would I want that?”

Me: “For the cigarette papers.”

Customer: “What? You can make cigarettes with them?!”


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May We Suggest The Decaf

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2010

Coworker: “Hi there, what can we get you today?”

Customer: “I want a mocha with THIS much coffee in it.”

Coworker: “All right, so about two inches of brewed coffee as well as the espresso and all the other stuff?”

Customer: “What is it with you people? How come every time I go here, you have to ask me a million questions? Are you all stupid? All I want is a mocha with coffee!”

Me: “We just want to make sure we make your drink the way you want it.”

Customer: “So what? I don’t care! I’m not answering any more questions! Just make me my drink!”

Me: “Okay, so I’m just going to put coffee in the cup with–”

Customer: “No! No, no, no, not coffee! Mocha! MOCHA! Mocha with THIS much coffee!”

Me: “So, no coffee. Do you just want a mocha with two inches of espresso then? It usually only comes with–”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! You are all idiots! Let me tell you step by step how to do it. First, walk over to that machine over there and put that brown stuff, COFFEE, into the cup to THIS line and then add the shot… and chocolate… and milk!”

Me: “So you do want brewed coffee in it?”

Customer: “JUST DO IT!”


This story is part of the Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup!

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The Wicked Witch Of The Pacific Northwest

, , , , , , | Right | August 14, 2009

(I work at a very popular authentic garden in Portland. Even though it is August, it has been raining hard lately.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like two adults, two kids.”

Me: “That will be $[amount].”

Customer: “So what happens if it rains?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Customer: “What happens if it rains? Do you refund everyone’s money or something?”

Me: “Not really. This is Portland, after all. We’re famous for heavy rains.”

Customer: “Yes, but what do you do? There’s no tent or anything that you set up?”

Me: “Well, no, ma’am. This is a garden. We’re still outside, even though you’re paying to get in. And most of the time the rain doesn’t bother anyone… People still walk in the rain.”

Customer: “They what?! They walk in the rain?! Don’t they get wet?”

Me: “Well, yes, but this is Portland. We’re used to the rain, and besides, the garden is very lovely in the rain.”

Customer: “Oh, my! Oh, my! This cannot do. This is my vacation! Why does it have to rain? Don’t we get a rain discount or something?”

Me: “No, sorry. If we gave discounts for every time it rained here, we would be well out of business. And this is a garden, so it needs rain.”

Customer: “Oh, God! Oh, God! The rain… it hurts!”