I’m an aquatics team lead at a fitness facility. I’m working in the office upstairs when I get radioed by one of the lifeguards to come down to the pool deck. The lifeguards tell me a man won’t get out of the pool, so I head over to speak to him.

Me: “Hello, sir! I’m sorry, but lane swimming doesn’t start until 7:30. Right now all the lanes are being used for swimming lessons.”

He is unusually nice; he introduces himself and asks my name.

Swimmer: “My daughter is in a swimming lesson right now. I just don’t understand why I can’t swim.”

There are a lot of reasons I could give him: because he has to obey the schedule, because there’s not enough space, because if there are two different programs in the pool we would need a second lifeguard, etc. As a lifeguard, you get used to people questioning the rules. If you give them a reason they disagree with, they kick up a fuss, but usually, when you bring children’s safety into it, it’s harder for them to argue.

Me: “It’s part of our child protection policy. We can’t have other members of the public swimming in the pool while swim lessons are going on.”

Swimmer: “That was exactly the right answer! Thank you! You see, I do this stuff all the time: I go where they tell me not to go, and most of the time they can’t tell me why. That lifeguard couldn’t tell me why, but when you said, ‘child protection,’ I immediately agree because my daughter is in swimming lessons. Just make sure your lifeguards also know that.”

Me: *Pauses* “Yes, sir, I’ll make sure they know the reasoning for the rules.”

He got out of the water, and I made eye contact with the guard who called me down. We were both baffled by this exchange.

Later, I got a call from the front desk that someone wanted to speak to a manager. I was the building supervisor for the evening, so I headed to the membership desk and the same guy was there. He just wanted to let the manager know what a good job I had done. He explained the whole thing to the other person at the front desk and I gave him a customer service smile. His wife apologized for her husband and they laughed about it. They left with their daughter after a few minutes.

While I was relieved that the situation resolved easily, I was pretty ticked off. This man had wasted both my and my lifeguard’s time to “test us”? You couldn’t have just asked? You had to jump in the pool and refuse to leave? Not to mention that all the complimenting after just came across as patronizing. I think he was trying to teach us a lesson, but dude, that isn’t your job!

I have a new student for swimming classes who is a big chatterbox. He has trouble keeping his mouth shut for, like, two minutes.

Child: “I went to the doctor today and they say I have HDD!”

Me: “HDD? Perhaps they meant ADHD?”

Child: “Yes, that, too! I have ADHD and HDD!”

Me: “Are you really sure? Not just ADHD? “

Child: “Yes, absolutely sure! I talk a lot because of HDD!”

We went on with class and another teacher joined me.

Teacher: “HDD? Is that a new kind of thing?”

Me: “No, he just has ADHD.”

Teacher: “How come?”

Me: “An HDD is an internal hard drive. I doubt he has one of those installed.”

I later found out that HDD does exist as a disorder and I really, really hope the kid doesn’t have that.

I am in the swimming pool when I want to know what the time is. I look up at a woman passing by.

Me: “Excuse me. What’s the time?”

Woman: “There’s a clock up there, millennial.” *Sneers* “Read it.”

She’s referring to an analog clock. She then walks off.

Nearby Man: “It’s 3:45 pm.”

Me: “Thanks.”

When I got out of the pool, I saw the woman again. She paled when she saw the giant, coke-bottle glasses on my face.

I work at a public pool.

Customer: “I have a complaint.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Customer: “I think people should be wearing masks in the water.”

I laugh, thinking it’s a joke.

Customer: “I’m serious. I think you should be requiring masks in the water.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to be honest with you. We don’t really want to waterboard our patrons. It would be a health hazard.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to complain until something changes!”

Me: “Okay, have a nice day.”

I’m still baffled to this day and no one else has ever complained.

I work at a pool where you can swim laps. During the day, we have a lot of schools that come for swimming lessons. That means that the depth of one part of the pool is 130 cm, so kids are safe. The other parts are deeper.

The lifeguards call our boss through the walkie-talkie to help them deal with a difficult customer.

Customer: “The depth of the pool has to be 150 cm. I had a car accident and now I need to do exercises in the water to rehabilitate.”

Lifeguard: “We can’t change the depth of the particular part of the pool you’re in because of the kids, but there are plenty of other parts where the pool is deeper.”

Customer: “No. I do not want to move. I also have a bad case of tinnitus, so the music has to be turned off.”

Normally, the lifeguards can do that from the first aid room, but the device is broken. That means they have to go into the restaurant attached to the pool and turn it off there. Lifeguards cannot easily leave their post, so it already takes a while before they even get to leave. This is not to the liking of the old lady, who just starts screaming and cursing at them.

Our boss arrives and repeats everything the lifeguards told her.

Customer: *Fake crying* “I’m injured! Why won’t you help me?”

Boss: “Stop crying and treat our personnel right, and I’ll turn off the music, but the lifeguards cannot change the depth of the pool.”

Afterward, the customer comes to the reception.

Customer: “I’m coming back tomorrow at 11:30 and you are to turn off the music for me.”

Receptionist: “I’ll see what I can do, but I can make no promises.”

My boss told the lifeguards that if she came back again and made a scene again, they could escort her out and call the police if necessary. I’m so done with these people that think the whole world revolves around them.