They’re Cute Even When Caught

| Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m lifeguarding the little kid pool, which has a slide in it, when a little girl walks up to me and tugs on my shorts.)

Me: “Yes, hun? What’s up?”

Little girl: “That little boy right there keeps butting in line.”

(She points to a boy climbing out of the slide.)

Me: “Alright, dear. I’ll take care of it.”

(I make eye contact with the boy and motion for him to come over.)

Me: “Some kids are saying you’ve been cutting in line. Have you?”

Little boy: *smiles* “Actually, yes, I have!”

Me: “Are we supposed to cut in line?”

Little boy: “No, we aren’t. Mommy says it’s not nice.”

Me: “Then are you gonna keep cutting in line?”

Little boy: “Not anymore!” *skips away*

The Ks Stand For Karing & Kompassion

| Maryland, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a white male working as a lifeguard at a small neighborhood pool. This pool is members only with a strict pool pass policy. If they don’t have a pass, they can’t enter. A woman walks into the pool area and walks right past the lifeguard table. As she walks away, I stop her.)

Me: “Um, ma’am? Yes, hi. Do you have your pool pass?”

Woman: “No. They were never issued to me.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Woman: “Is it because I used to be a dude?”

Me: “No, ma’am, of course not. You see, we have a very strict ‘No Pass, No Entry’ policy.”

Woman: “Do you know how racist you sound right now?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “This is the last time I’ll be treated like this! Just you wait until I tell the KKK about this!” *storms out*

Chroniton & Paste

| Bellevue, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I run the scoring system at swim meets for my local pool.)

Parent: “Do you mind pulling up my son’s race time?”

Me: “No problem. What race?”

Parent: “32.”

(I glance over at the announcer’s table. Race 25 is currently swimming.)

Me: “Oh, so you want his qualification time? Sure, I can pull that up.”

Parent: “No, no. I want his race time.”

Me: “You do realize that the race hasn’t happened yet, right?”

Parent: “Oh, that matters? Okay, then…switch him into an earlier race.”

Me: “Even if I switched him into a race that had already happened, it wouldn’t make your son’s time appear in the system. The computer doesn’t work that way.”

Parent: “It doesn’t?”