Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid

| AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a pool as a lifeguard. We always have problems with children running, even though it is the number one rule at the pool to walk on deck.)

Child: *runs across deck*

Me: “Walk please.”

(Five minutes later, the same child runs the other way.)

Me: “WALK!”

(Five minutes later, the child runs in front of me. I stop the child to make sure she understands me.)

Me: “You need to walk, okay? If I need to ask you again, I will sit you out for three minutes.”

(The child walks away and gets back into the pool. The mother approaches me.)

Parent: “She’s not running. She just walks on her tip toes.”

Me: “It’s not the manner of her movement. It’s the speed she’s moving.”

Parent: “But she’s not running.”

(Her child runs past again.)

Me: “WALK!”

Parent: “But she’s not run—”

Child: *slips and falls*

Weekend Roundup: Kids Say The Awesomest Things

, , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!

  1. Ah, Children:
    A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.
  2. They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
    When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.
  3. Making A Hug(e) Difference:
    Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?
  4. Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
    Proof that kids hear everything parents say.
  5. They Grow Up Too Fast:
    When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.

No Jellyfish, But Maybe A Few Sharks

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “So, I heard you guys are switching to a salt water pool?”

Me: “Yes, we are going to be switching over in the next month or so.”

Customer: “You mean salt, like in the ocean?”

Me: “Yes, we use the same salt that’s found in the ocean, sodium chloride. A machine uses it to generate the chlorine that keeps the pool chlorinated.”

Customer: “So, since you’re pumping in water from the ocean, are there gonna be jellyfish in the pool? Because I really don’t want jellyfish in the pool!”

Water You, Stupid, Part 3

| Greenburg, NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(Every year, there is one day in July where the pool lets everyone in, even if they don’t have a membership. I’m lifeguarding at the diving boards.)

Woman: “Excuse me, lifeguard. How deep is this pool?”

Me: “The diving tank is 13 and a half feet deep.”

(She looks at the water for a few seconds.)

Woman: “So, how does it work? Do you jump in and then, when you’re at the bottom, you just float back up?”

Me: “Um, no, you have to swim.”

Woman: “Oh, then this isn’t for me.”

(She walks away and tells her family the news. They leave disappointed.)

Related:
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

They’re Cute Even When Caught

| Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m lifeguarding the little kid pool, which has a slide in it, when a little girl walks up to me and tugs on my shorts.)

Me: “Yes, hun? What’s up?”

Little girl: “That little boy right there keeps butting in line.”

(She points to a boy climbing out of the slide.)

Me: “Alright, dear. I’ll take care of it.”

(I make eye contact with the boy and motion for him to come over.)

Me: “Some kids are saying you’ve been cutting in line. Have you?”

Little boy: *smiles* “Actually, yes, I have!”

Me: “Are we supposed to cut in line?”

Little boy: “No, we aren’t. Mommy says it’s not nice.”

Me: “Then are you gonna keep cutting in line?”

Little boy: “Not anymore!” *skips away*

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