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Try The New Pool At Hogwarts

, , , | Right | August 21, 2009

Customer: “Why is it that your pool is so small?”

Me: “It is a therapeutics pool, geared towards people to do their exercises.”

Customer: “So, there is no other pool in this building?”

Me: “No, there is no other pool in this building, but there is one up the street.”

Customer: “Can’t you just make it bigger?”


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23 Hilarious Stories About Customers Versus Mother Nature

 

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No, Really: Sink Or Swim

, , , | Right | August 14, 2009

(I’m manning the rope swing we have at the deep end of the pool. A guy in his mid- to late-30s comes up to me.)

Guy: “Um, is this safe for me to have a go?”

Me: “Sure, adults can use this. You’ve just got to be able to swim in deep water.”

Guy: “Yes, yes. But it can hold my weight, right? It won’t break?”

Me: “No, it’s safe. The water would break your fall anyway.”

Guy: “Oh, okay.”

(The guy grabs the rope, swings out and purposely lets go. However, instead of swimming, he begins sinking to the bottom with his hands weakly flapping as he tries unsuccessfully to pull himself up. I immediately dive in and pull him up. After I’ve gotten him out…)

Guy: “You said it was safe!”

Me: “You said you could swim!”

Maybe He’s Molting

, , , | Right | April 11, 2009

(Many young couples with young children belong to my pool, and many of them ask a lot of questions. A man leads his six-year-old son into our guard office.)

Pool Patron: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, sir? Can I help you?”

Pool Patron: “I’m very scared my son is in trouble.”

Me: “Is he okay? Did he hurt himself in the pool? Are there any major injuries?”

Pool Patron: “His skin is all wrinkled and soft. It feels strange. Is it going to fall off?”

Me: “Sir, that happens to everyone’s skin who has been in water for an extended period of time.”

Pool Patron: “So, his skin won’t fall off, right?”

If At First You Don’t Survive…

, , , | Right | March 4, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gym]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you guys offer swimming lessons there?”

Me: “Yes, we do; our next session starts in two weeks.”

Caller: “Do they teach you how to swim in those classes?”

Me: “Um, yes… they’re swimming lessons.”

Caller: “Okay, because I drowned last time I tried to take them.”

Me: “I’m sorry…”


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Better Off Popular

, , , | Right | February 23, 2009

(I am a lifeguard and jumped in to help a boy who had wandered into deep water. This interaction happens with his mother after I help the boy out of the water.)

Mother: *running over* “What happened?!”

Me: “Everything is okay, ma’am. Your son just went too deep into the water. He should be fine.”

Mother: “Well, why the h*** did you help him?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Mother: “Why did you have to jump in and help him?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s my job, and your son was having trouble swimming–”

Mother: *interrupting* “You idiot! You embarrassed my son in front of everyone! Don’t you think you should have thought about how embarrassing that must have been for a little boy?!”

Me: “Actually, no I didn’t think about that. I was more concerned about your son drowning than him being embarrassed.”

Mother: “That’s ridiculous! Why the h*** would you ever be more concerned about THAT?!”