I am staying at a hotel with a nice indoor pool. This is during the global health crisis, so pool access is by reservation, and they only let twelve guests use it at any one time.

I’m enjoying the water during my time slot without a care in the world when a woman barges in, sees me and my companion, and then goes to talk to the attendant.

Woman: *Loudly* “Why are there people in the pool when I’ve reserved it?!”

Attendant: “There is a twelve-person limit, ma’am, and other people can also make reservations if there’s space, which there is.”

Meanwhile, my companion, the woman, and I are the only guests here, and there is an entire lane open for the woman to use.

This woman makes a whole scene and calls for not one but two managers, and she screams at whoever is on the other end of her front desk phone call.

Woman: “I expect to be compensated for this! I was alone in the pool yesterday, and I expect to be alone in the pool every day!”

I’m not sure what reply she got, but she finally walked over to the pool in a huff and just got in.

I’m supervising my one-year-old in the kiddie pool when another kid, a bit older, trips and falls on her face. Crying ensues, but her dad is close by and consoles her. When the tears are gone:

Dad: “And what did you learn?”

Kid: “Nothing!”

The kid happily darts away. The dad looks at me and sighs, exasperated. 

Dad: “Sounds about right.”

I’m a pretty avid swimmer, and I’ve been looking forward to getting back to the pool now that (health crisis) restrictions are loosening up where I am. At the moment, they make everyone enter the pool by going through the family change room, and then you exit through the men’s or women’s change room.

They’ve staggered the swim end times so there aren’t too many people in the change rooms at once. On this particular day, the kids’ swim lessons ended about fifteen minutes before my open swim time finished.

I suppose since there were only kids in the change room, this woman decided to go into the men’s change room with her son after the swim was over. I suppose she lost track of time because fifteen minutes later, a couple of other men and I entered the change room and they were still there.

Nobody really said anything, and I didn’t really think anything of it since I figured she’d be long gone by the time I got back from the showers. Well, I came back from the shower wrapped in a towel, and she was still there helping her son. They happened to be right next to my locker, so I decided, whatever, I’m not gonna make a big deal out of it, plus I gotta get going.

So, as normal, I took off my towel and started drying off when I heard a loud gasp.

Woman: “Oh, my God, seriously?! Can’t you see I’m right here?”

Me: “Um, what?”

Woman: “UGH! I don’t want to see your p*n*s!”

Me: “Um, this is the men’s locker room. I’m doing you a favor by not saying anything.”

Woman: “Well, the family change room is closed, so you need to be respectful of the moms who need to come in here.”

Me: “Why not take him to the women’s change room?”

Woman: “He’s above the age of being allowed in the women’s.”

Me: “Aren’t you above the age of being allowed in the men’s?”

Woman: *With pure rage* “I’M HIS MOM! Now please cover up!”

At that point, I decided to just ignore her and keep doing my own thing while she kept giving me dirty looks the whole time. And on her way out…

Woman: “Next time, I’m gonna report you to the staff!”

Okay, crazy lady… okay.

I volunteer at a swimming club, and I’ve been asked to cover for another volunteer. I do not know the children they teach well. I’ve seen them and I know which level they swim at, so I don’t dive in too blind.

Today, I also worked on an art project with black paint that stains quite heavily. I am a messy crafter, so my hands and nails are pretty splotchy-black. Gloves? We crafters use no such thing! (Yes, we do, but I always think of gloves AFTER the fact.)

Since the paint will come off eventually, I just go to the swimming pool. In come the children. A seven-year-old sees my hands and gasps.

Girl: “You don’t wash your hands after going to the toilet!”

Me: “Uh, what? Oh, my hands? That’s just paint.”

Girl: “Nuh-uh! Mommy says that people with dirty hands never wash their hands after going to the toilet. See? It’s even under your nails!”

Me: “I can assure you, it’s paint. I am working on a project, and I needed black paint.”

Girl: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I am very sure. Shall we begin?”

The lesson begins and eventually ends. The children go back to their parents, and… you guessed it.

Girl: *Loudly* “Mommy, Teacher says her dirty hands are because of paint, but you said it means people don’t wash their hands after going to the toilet! Can that happen, too?”

I have never seen a person turn that shade of red that quickly.

After washing my hands diligently for another day, all the stains were gone. And after many craft projects, I also own a pristine pair of gloves, forever unused.

My brother and I work as lifeguards at a little community pool. It is one of the busiest days of the year, with close to fifty people in pool. While I am trying to watch all the small children in the pool, this man does a flip off of the diving board.

Me: *Politely.* “We do not allow flips.”

Flip Man: “I don’t like your tone. Do I need to give you a lesson on customer service?”

I truly could give no f***s about this guy’s rant, but he is distracting me while I’m trying to keep an eye on a little girl with some questionable swimming skills.

Me: “Sir, lifeguarding is not a service industry, and I don’t care about your feelings.”

Flip Man: “I paid to be here!”

Me: “And I’m paid to keep you alive, not be nice to you. F*** off. If you cause trouble again, I’ll have you removed from the pool.”

Flip Man: “Where’s your manager?”

Me: *Still looking at the girl.* “I’m self-managed.”

Flip Man: “You look at me when I am talking to you!”

Me: “As I have said, sir, I am here to keep swimmers alive. I will look where I need to. If I direct my attention at you it’s because your life is in danger.”

I suddenly lock eyes with him.

Me: “Do you want your life to be in danger?”

I go back to watching the pool and ignoring this fool. He did another flip ten minutes later and I had him removed.