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They Don’t Call Her Dumblesnore For Nothing

, , , , , | Right | January 7, 2010

(Someone has been sleeping on a chair poolside for many hours. It’s routine to wake a customer if they’re getting too badly burned.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss? You must wake up. You are getting badly sunburned.”

Customer: *sleepily* “Where am I? Is this Hogwarts?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Narnia?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “Camp Half-Blood?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, s***, then.”


This story is part of the Sunscreen roundup!

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Hot Air Doesn’t Just Come From Saunas

, , , | Right | January 6, 2010

(I’m the lifeguard on duty at an indoor pool when there’s a power outage. I must close the sauna for ventilation reasons. I enter, and a customer is sitting inside.)

Customer: “Close the door! You’re letting the heat out!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, it is not safe for you to remain in the sauna because there is no longer adequate ventilation.”

Customer: “It’s a f****** sauna! There’s not meant to be ventilation, so shut the d*** door!”

Me: “Without proper ventilation, the sauna will overheat and put you at risk for heatstroke.”

Customer: “That’s what lifeguards are for!”


This story is part of our “Customers so stupid they should not be alive” roundup!

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Read the “Customers so stupid they should not be alive” roundup!

Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2

, , , , | Right | December 29, 2009

(A little boy is about to go off the high dive when I stop him. His grandmother, upset, approaches and questions me.)

Grandmother: “Why won’t you let my grandson swim?”

Me: “We don’t believe he is a strong enough swimmer to be safe in the deep end.”

Grandmother: “So can he just go off the high dive?”

Me: “No, if he went off the high dive, he would most likely drown.”

Grandmother: “Well, you are a lifeguard! Isn’t it your job to stop him from drowning? You are discriminating against my grandchildren! You lifeguards are just lazy!”


This story is part of the Swimming Pool roundup!

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Let’s Not Make Her A Real Angel

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2009

(A very small child of about four walks up to the slide at our pool.)

Me: “I am so sorry, sweetie, but you are a bit too small to go down the slide. Maybe next time!”

(The child leaves in hysterics, only to bring back her mother.)

Mother: “Why did you not let my angel go down the slide?”

Me: “She is under four feet tall.”

Mother: “Yes, I know. She’s an absolute angel.”

Me: “Our policy clearly states that we cannot let a child under four feet tall ride the slide. She could get seriously injured or possibly drown when she reaches the bottom.”

Mother: “Yes, I know, cute as a button!”

Me: “My manager can further explain this to you, but I can’t risk her safety.”

Mother: “But she is my angel!”

Me: “She’s also under four feet tall. She could die, ma’am.”

Mother: “Well, it’s not like she can help it! How dare you make my angel feel bad about her height!”


This story is part of our dangerous parent’s roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories Of Truly Terrible Parent Customers

 

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A Small Fish In An Even Smaller Pond

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2009

(At the pool where I work, we usually give swim tests to young children who want to go swimming in the deep section without a parent.)

Mother: “Can my son take the swim test?”

Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

Mother: “He’s three, but he’s a very good swimmer! He doesn’t even use water-wings in our pool!”

Me: “All right, let’s see you jump in! Swim to the other side and come back.”

(The boy jumps in and starts swimming, badly.)

Mother: “You’re doing great, sweetie!”

(The boy, still struggling, turns around, swims back to the ladder, and climbs up.)

Mother: “So, he passed, right?!”

Me: “No.”

Mother: “What?! Why? I can’t believe you won’t let my son swim out there!”

Me: “Well, your son clearly is not a strong swimmer and I feel it’s not safe to let him go.”

Mother: “No, my son is a great swimmer! He spends every summer swimming!”

Me: “What kind of pool do you guys have?”

Mother: “A kiddie pool.”