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An Assault On The Common Senses

, , , , | Right | July 20, 2021

I work in a swimming pool that has a sauna, steam room, and spa. An older gentleman has rocked up to use the sauna. Typically, there is no problem with this, but he likes to lie down and have a nap in the sauna and then shout at staff members who check on him to make sure he’s okay. He’s been told multiple times that he is NOT to lie down and have a nap or ignore lifeguards when they ask him to give a sign that he’s okay.

There’s a rotation on the pool deck. This lifeguard is a bit more diligent in his job and sees that the headcount for the sauna hasn’t been updated for about forty-five minutes. He sticks his head in the sauna and a lady in there tells him that the guy lying down hasn’t moved for about thirty minutes since she arrived.

The lifeguard immediately asks if he’s okay. No response. He asks again, but louder and basically yelling for the person lying down to respond. No response. He taps the person on the collarbone, yelling, “Are you okay?” after radioing that we have a possible major.

Well. This old man is NOT happy in the slightest that this lifeguard has woken him up from his nap and has “VICIOUSLY” assaulted him. He goes off his nutter and has a massive argument with the manager about what the lifeguard did and he demands that the lifeguard be fired for assaulting him in the sauna.

Manager: “That isn’t going to happen.”

The old man storms off to the changing rooms and comes out about fifteen minutes later, dressed.

Old Man: “Don’t talk to me!”

After twenty minutes of waiting in the foyer, the cops show up.

Officer: “We got a report that a person was assaulted in the sau—”

They don’t even get to finish their sentence before he interrupts, yelling:

Old Man: “I’m the one who was assaulted and it was that lifeguard out there who did it and I demand that you arrest him for assault because management here won’t do anything about it!

One of the officers stays and speaks to the manager, and the man goes from yelling to sobbing about how he was viciously assaulted in the sauna, while the other officer goes and speaks to the lifeguard who explains what he did.

Officer: *To the old man* “We aren’t arresting him or taking his details because he was doing his job.”

The cops leave the facility and the old man promptly throws a massive tantrum, throwing a bin on the ground before storming out in tears. 

About four weeks later, a journalist from the local newspaper calls the facility because they have a story about the place and they want to get a comment about it.

Journalist: “An older man was assaulted in the sauna by a lifeguard and your facility has done nothing about it. The victim was left bedridden for a week and he ended up in hospital because he had breathing difficulties, was covered in bruises, and had a possible hairline fracture on his collarbone from the assault.”

Management tells the journalist what happened and we send her an incident report form, along with a few others showing that the man had been told before not to sleep in the sauna and not to abuse staff who check on him, and if they put out a defamatory story, then lawyers would be involved. Thankfully, the story was killed.

I’m working over the weekend and the man comes in with some papers that he shows me that he got from lawyers. 

Old Man: “I’m suing the lifeguard who assaulted me for damages. You have to hand over to me the full name, address, phone number, and birthday of the lifeguard.”

Me: “I’m unable to do that. Any legal action undertaken against a member of staff has to go through the council’s legal team.”

Old Man: “Are you finished?”

Me: “Yes.”

Old Man: “Good. Now do your job and give me what I have asked from you.”

Me: “I’m not able to give you that information; if you want t—”

Old Man: “Are you incapable of doing your job?”

Me: “No, sir, I am not.”

Old Man: “Then do your job and give me the details of the man who assaulted me.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not allowed to give out any personal details o—”

Old Man:This is for legal purposes! You are required to hand over the information of that lifeguard to me!

Me: “Sir, don’t yell, and no, I am bound by contract not to give out any personal details of the staff here. Any legal action goes through the council’s legal team.”

Old Man: “I am not suing the council! I am suing that lifeguard who assaulted me! If you do not hand over the information, then I’ll have you charged and thrown into prison for obstructing the course of justice!”

Me: “Go through the council lega—”

Old Man: “No! No!” *Stomping*Give me your name right now!

Me: “No. Go through the legal tea—”

Old Man: “I am not suing the council! I am suing that lifeguard; now give me his details!”

By this time, management heard the yelling and came down. Amazingly enough, a member of the council’s legal team was there and tried to have a talk with the man, but he refused because, “I AM NOT SUING THE COUNCIL; I’M SUING THAT LIFEGUARD!”

The man left, yelling at customers about how the facility was defending a man who assaulted him in the sauna and left him hospitalized. As he left, he yelled that he’d be going onto social media to have this place shut down and that he had recorded the entire incident on a hidden camera.  

To date, it’s been three weeks since this incident. Nothing has appeared on social media.

The NAME Of The Game Is Listening!

, , , | Right | June 23, 2021

I work as a monitor at the public pool. I’m responsible for answering the phone, taking money from people, and directing people to the right location, usually during swimming lessons.

It is the beginning of the week and we have just started a new session of lessons. I am taking people’s names to direct them to their instructor and ensure they’re registered.

Me: “Hello! Can I get your name?”

Mother: “My kids are both registered for swimming lessons this week.”

Me: “Perfect, I should have them on my list. What are their names? So I can tell you who their instructors are.”

Mother: “My daughter is in level three and my son is in level seven.”

Me: “All right, I just need their names.”

Mother: “This is their first time taking lessons at this pool. How are they supposed to know where to go or who’s teaching them?”

Me: “I’m just going to need you to tell me their names.”

This Job Is Sliding Downhill

, , , , | Right | June 21, 2021

I’m working as a lifeguard, and I’m currently stationed at the top of our pool’s slides. My job is to send kids down the slide spaced out so they don’t run into each other.

Kid #1: “Will you tell me when I can go?”

Me: “Yes.”

I watch the slides to see when it’s clear.

Kid #1: “Can I go yet?”

Me: *Seeing the slide isn’t clear* “Not yet—”

The kid goes down the slide.

Kid #2: “Will you tell me when to go?”

Me: “Yes.”

Internally: “That’s my literal job.”

Someone Is Telling Porkies, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | June 8, 2021

Our pool has a small concession stand that serves very basic foods: nachos, hot dogs, hamburgers, soda, chips, and candy. Customers are allowed to bring their own food into the park for a $5 “cooler fee,” which many are understanding about. One day, a staff member comes to fetch me, as a customer has asked to speak to a supervisor.

Customer: “Your concession stand doesn’t have any food!”

Me: “I’m sorry if they’re not stocked on something you wanted. Were you after something specific?”

Customer: “All they have is hot dogs! I’m [Religion] and can not have pork!”

Me: “They also serve hamburgers, nachos, and a variety of chips and candy. We’re not a restaurant, so most people know that we don’t sell a large variety of hot foods.”

Customer: “Well, since you don’t have anything my kids and I can eat, I want to have a pizza delivered.”

Me: “That’s fine! It will be a $5 fee for outside food, though.”

The customer argues that because “we don’t have any food,” he shouldn’t have to pay a fee. He repeatedly mentions his religion and that we are “not respecting his religious right to not eat pork,” even though we have other food he could eat. Finally, because we are busy and I have a long list of tasks to get back to, I relent.

Me: “All right, sir. Since our concession stock has been a bit low the past couple of days, I can waive the fee this time. But in the future, please remember that we are not a restaurant and we do not guarantee the availability of any particular kinds of food, so you should plan ahead.”

Customer: “Hmph. You should learn to respect other people’s religions. Not everyone can eat pork!”

His pizza arrived about thirty minutes later. It was covered in pepperoni.

Related:
Someone Is Telling Porkies

Having A Senior Moment, Part 5

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2021

I am a supervisor for a public pool. This year, because of the health crisis, we have a special time set aside on weekdays where senior citizens and patrons with disabilities can come enjoy the pool while it is closed to the general public. There are typically less than fifteen people in the entire facility during this time, so seniors often come in to swim laps (though we are not technically a lap pool). Today, we happen to have a teenage boy with special needs at the pool who came in with his three teenage siblings. The siblings pay the entry fee and head inside, and a woman in her sixties comes up to the counter. She is eyeing the teens with trepidation.

Customer: “I thought this hour was for seniors only?”

Cashier: “It’s for seniors and customers with certain disabilities.”

Customer: *Quickly becoming heated* “Soooooo, why did I just see four teenagers stroll in?”

Cashier: “They are here with their sibling who fits the criteria for our sensory hour. They have the same right to be here that you do.”

Customer: “Well! Just how do you expect me to swim laps with those kids splashing around and ruining everything?”

It is worth noting that the teenagers in question are already in the pool and have been quietly swimming with their sibling and causing absolutely no problems.

Cashier: “Well, ma’am, we’re not technically a lap pool, anyway, so the availability of the lanes depends on whether the pool happens to be empty.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! This hour is for seniors! Seeeeeeniors!”

The customer storms away, ranting about how she’ll be “speaking to the city about this.” The cashier alerts me to the issue and then we watch, amused, as the woman gets back in her car and proceeds to sit in the parking lot and call our office number. I answer.

Customer: “Are you aware that your staff is allowing teenagers into the pool during senior hour? That hour is for seniors! It’s for us to swim laps without screaming kids around! If you’re going to let people with special needs in, fine, but they shouldn’t be allowed to bring people with them!

Me: “Ma’am, this time is for seniors and patrons with special needs. It is not a lap swimming hour, nor was it advertised as such. The patron in question has every right to be at the pool during this time. Furthermore, it would be ridiculous for us to expect that a patron with special needs come into the pool alone, when their disability might mean that they need help getting around, need to be supervised, or have difficulty functioning alone.”

Customer: “But I wanted to swim laps! They were in the way and making too much noise!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, they have every right to be here. I am terribly sorry that the existence of special needs individuals was disruptive to your highly important schedule, but I will not be talking about this issue any further as I do not feel comfortable discussing another customer’s business with you. Have a nice morning.” *Click*

The woman proceeded to call our superintendent and our city manager to complain about “the huge number of people crowding senior hour.” There were nine people in the pool.

Related:
Having A Senior Moment, Part 4
Having A Senior Moment, Part 3
Having A Senior Moment, Part 2
Having A Senior Moment