I work for a pool supply store. A man walks in with a bottle of water balancer, and a scowl.

Customer: “Is this what you recommend for chlorinated pools?”

Me: “Yes, that’s a pH increaser. Helps stabilize acidic water.”

Customer: “So why does my pool still look like a pond?”

Me: “Have you tested the levels recently?”

Customer: “I don’t need a test. I can tell by looking. I’ve had pools longer than you’ve been alive.”

Me: “Then I’m guessing you also know that ‘looking green’ isn’t a recognized method on any water quality chart.”

I’m a lifeguard at a popular pool for the big university in our town. I’m actually a high school student, but I look a tad older than I am, and when on duty on this particular day, I was wearing a sweater with the University logo on it.

Now, there’s this college fraternity guy who’s been swimming at our pool for about a week and a half now, and he always brings a little old lady with him who my coworkers have nicknamed Demon Grandma. His nickname is the Himbo.

It’s a typical Saturday shift, and the pool is so full that we’ve had to double up on the stand so we can watch everyone safely. As I’m scanning the water, I feel a tap on my shoulder.

Demon Grandma: “Excuse me, lifeguard?”

If patrons have questions, I can respond, but I can’t stop looking at the water. Someone could drown, especially with the number of high-risk people we had today.

Me: “What can I do for you today, ma’am?”

Demon Grandma: “I’d like to report algae in the pool. All over. It’s disgraceful.”

Me: “That’s really good to know. When I get off the stand, can you please show me where so I can check it out?”

There is no algae in the pool. We run an exceptionally clean facility, and we had just shocked the pool two days before. There’s no way anything is growing in that water except this lady’s attitude problems.

Demon Grandma: “It’s everywhere! I shouldn’t have to point it out to you; that’s your job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do anything about it when I’m on stand. When I get off, I will be willing to help. It’s highly unlikely that we will have any algae growing in the pool, now or ever. But thank you.”

Just then, Himbo walks over. He stands way too close to me for comfort and growls out:

Himbo: “Are you talking to my mother?”

Me: “Yes! She had a complaint, and I was just explaining that I can he—”

Himbo: “—Look at me when you’re talking!”

Me: *Still scanning water.* “I’m sorry, I have to keep my eyes on the water. There are several high-risk people, and I need to know where they are. I don’t mean to be rude.”

Himbo: “No, I said look at me!”

Me: *Repeats myself.*

Himbo: “Look at me now, or else.”

At this point, I’m scared, but I repeat myself a third time as politely as I can. He’s quiet for a second, and then reaches out and physically grabs my chin, yanking it towards him.

Himbo: “How dare you disrespect me, you little b****! Don’t they teach you to offer good customer service?”

He says this in a tone that’s clearly implying something…. Other than customer service, all while still holding my chin. I blast our emergency whistle because my whistle is still in my mouth. The guard off duty sees what’s happening and runs up. Immediately, Himbo lets go of me and turns on [Coworker], who is a 6”1 high school student and one of my good friends as well.

Coworker: *Fuming.* “Did I just see you physically assault one of our guards?”

Himbo: “She was being disgracefully rude! Not looking at me or my mother when we were speaking to her, b******* to me about how she ‘has to watch the water’. She can take her eyes off the [disabled slurs] in the pool for three seconds!”

At this point, I’m back to scanning the water. I’m trying not to cry. I had a traumatic experience when I was younger, and this brought back all the memories of that, plus I can feel my jaw starting to bruise where he grabbed it. I’m visibly not okay.

Coworker: “Do you know that she can press charges? You just physically assaulted a minor and screamed into her face.”

Demon Grandma: “He did not!”

Himbo: *Walks over and puts his hand on my arm.* “It’s okay, I’m sorry, younger girls should like that anyways.”

Coworker: *Shocked.* “Get your hand off her. And get out of our pool.”

Himbo is still looking at me. I cannot believe these words came out of his mouth:

Himbo: “Guess you run across a weird b**** every once in a while.”

[Coworker] pulls his hand off of my arm and begins steering him towards the exit.

Coworker: “Get the f*** out of our pool. Now! Before we press charges.”

Grumbling, Himbo, and Demon Grandma finally leave. At this point, seeing the conflict, a bunch of people leave the pool, and so I’m off stand, crying. [Coworker] goes and calls our boss, who has both of them banned from our recreational facilities for life. She FaceTime’s me to ask if I’m okay, and sees that my jaw is a little swollen, but nothing worse.

In the end, I didn’t end up pressing charges on Himbo. I still work at the pool.

An older man comes up to the edge of the lap lane I’m monitoring. He’s wearing water shoes, a rash guard, and a snorkel.

Man: “Just so you know, I’m not here to swim, I’m here to condition. That means I’ll be going under and doing my own drills.”

Me: “Okay, just stay in your lane and follow the same rules as everyone else.”

Man: *Scoffs.* “I don’t need your rules. I trained under Navy standards back in the day. I probably know more about water safety than you do.”

Me: “Cool. Then you’ll know exactly what to do when I blow the whistle and point at you for breaking every one of them.”

He rolled his eyes and started power-snorkeling across three lanes like a motorized sea cucumber.

I gave him one warning, and then he was benched by a coworker young enough to still get asked if her parents are home.

I’m working as a lifeguard near the shallow end when a woman storms up to me.

Customer: *Loudly.* “Excuse me! My son just slipped near the pool. Aren’t you supposed to be stopping that?!”

Me: “He was running. We’ve got signs posted, announcements every fifteen minutes, and I personally told him twice.”

Customer: “Well, clearly that’s not enough, because he fell. Maybe if you weren’t sitting there doing nothing, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m watching fifty kids and a body of water. If I stop your son from ignoring rules, I stop being a lifeguard and start being a babysitter.”

Customer: “So that’s it? No apology?”

Me: “No, ma’am. But if you’d like, I can show you the rule he broke; it’s written right next to the one about adult supervision.”

I’ve been teaching in our local swimming pool for about twenty-five years now. I’ve been blessed/cursed with youthful looks. Many children and parents gasp when they hear I am over forty years old.

The cursed part comes with parents and other adults sometimes not taking me seriously, until they hear my age, and sometimes after hearing my qualifications. They often ask for a second opinion from another teacher, who is heading towards their pension, but has been teaching swimming for not even five years.

Currently, our pool is being remodelled, with a large part being demolished and rebuilt. Only two pools are available, with four big group-changing rooms and four smaller one-person-changing rooms. The big rooms are: father and sons (and adult men), father and daughter, mother and son, and mother and daughter (and adult women). This remodelling has been going on for a year already, with these changing rooms for all.

Lessons have ended, and it’s crowded with children heading to the changing rooms to go home, and new students are coming in. At the same time, two women enter the hallway as well (there’s a special adult class). Only one does the talking, the other remains silent the entire time. They seem pension age, but I’m terrible at guessing ages myself. Grey hair, lots of wrinkles.

Woman: “And here’s the changing rooms for the kids… And here are the changing rooms for… ugh, they are taken! How rude! In my time, teachers were a lot stricter! Well, now we’re forced to undress in the hallway!”

A child has finished changing and leaves the single changing room. The woman spots this, grabs her clothes, but she’s slow, and another child has already taken the single changing room. The child never saw the woman eyeing that changing room; I don’t blame her one bit.

Woman: “How rude! Really! If I had been a teacher, I would’ve said something about it!”

She goes on for about another minute about how rude the children are and that the single rooms should be adults only. I’ve had enough, hearing her badmouth the students who have done nothing wrong.

Me: “The changing rooms are for everyone.”

Woman: “Yes, for adults!”

Me: “For adults and children. Anyone can use them, and they are doing nothing wrong.”

Woman: “In my time, teachers were a lot stricter!”

Me: “They are doing nothing wrong. You are most welcome in the bigger changing rooms.”

Woman: “But I don’t want to! They are so crowded and I don’t like being there!”

Me: “And so do some of the children! Not everyone likes the big rooms.”

Woman: “They should have more available!”

Me: “They are still being built! This is just how things are at this moment; they can’t build it any faster.”

Woman: “Well, in my time, teachers were a lot stricter!”

Me: “Yes, and nowadays, we treat children equal to adults!”

Woman: “What does a wench—” *’wicht’; a young girl* “—like you know about proper respect?!”

Me: “This ‘wench’ is over forty years old, and I will not treat my students as if they are less than an adult.”

Woman: “I need my privacy!”

She is still undressing in the hallway to the changing rooms! She clearly wore her bathing suit under her clothes, so no scandalous skin could be seen during this encounter.

Me: “So do they!”

I walked away. I heard her wail about ‘teachers in her day’ and filing a complaint. I went to the reception and informed them about in the possible ‘incoming complaint’. They were looking forward to it.

And we are all looking forward to more single-changing rooms!