(I work at a swimming pool.)

Woman: “Can I leave my dog here?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, madam.”

Woman: “Why ever not? This is terrible service. I demand you tell me exactly why I cannot leave my dog here!”

Me: “This is a swimming pool.”

Woman: *after a pause* “He needs a bath!”

(As she left, she threw her dog in the pool and just left him. We called the police and they agreed to take the dog back to her. The owners of the pool felt the need to drain and refill it, and they forwarded the costs onto the woman. She apparently paid it while screeching that she’d be going to “different dog groomers” in future.)

(I work at an inner-city pool and, for some reason, we have a big problem with swimmers trying to swim in their underwear. A male swimmer steps out of the change-room wearing boxer shorts and heads towards the hot tub.)

Me: “EXCUSE ME, SIR!”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you cannot enter the pool unless you have proper swimwear.”

Customer: “What? What’s wrong with these?”

Me: “Those are underwear, and it’s a health and safety policy that all swimmers must wear proper bathing suits when entering the pool.”

Customer: “I’m only going into the hot tub.”

Me: “That is considered  a part of the pool.”

Customer: “What if you pretend you didn’t see me? I’ll only be a few minutes.”

Me: “How about no?”

Customer: “Argh! Fine.”

(The customer storms off towards the change-room. A few minutes later, I hear the change room open and turn to see the same customer from before, now in swim trunks.)

Customer: “Now can I go in?”

Me: “Uh… yeah.”

(I still don’t understand why he didn’t wear those swim trunks in the first place.)

(Unfortunately, we’ve had a pool fouling and have to close down the kiddie pool. Luckily, we have another pool completely separate from the kiddie pool that will remain open. I am telling patrons that we have to close this pool, but they are welcome to go into the other pool after they shower. Most are already leaving due to the mess, except one father and his kids.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, but we’ve unfortunately had a fouling and need to close this pool.”

Father: “What?”

Me: “The other pool is open, so you can go there after you shower. We just need to close this one so we can clean it.”

Father: “You’re serious?”

(I can’t help but glance at the mess that’s in the pool, wondering if he seriously wants to keep swimming in it.)

Me: “Unfortunately, yes, it just happened, but you can still use our other pool after you shower.”

Father: “We only got here half an hour ago! I can’t believe you’re closing the pool on us!”

Me: “Oh, no, the whole pool isn’t shut down, just the kiddie pool. We’re still open and you can use the other pool while we clean this one.”

Father: “I paid to only use this pool. We only came for this pool, and after thirty minutes you’re kicking us out of it.”

(I quickly realize that he won’t be happy with whatever answer I give him, and my coworkers are waiting to scoop and put in chemicals. So, I give him another option.)

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but these events are unpredictable. I’m really sorry this happened, but if you don’t want to use the other pool, I’m sure the front desk will give you a refund. Or they could even give you some free passes.”

Father: “Really? Just like that?”

Me: “Uh-huh!”

Father: “So, will they get my ex-wife to give me more time with the kids?”

(I didn’t know what to say to this, but I didn’t have to say anything. The man stormed off, ordering his kids to follow and muttering about how we were closing the pool for no reason. I felt bad that the guy was having a bad day, but there was another pool they could have used and others did.)

(At our pool, the only hot tubs are in the male and female change-rooms, while on the pool deck we have a kiddie pool and the main pool. The hot tubs in the change-rooms are hotter, and we will sometimes have parents want to bring their children in with them. We have no problem with this, as long as they are aware not to stay in too long, and as long as their children of the opposite gender are three and under. In all my years there, I have never had a problem with fathers bringing in daughters who are too old. I have had MULTIPLE problems with mothers bringing their sons into the female change room. I’m doing a change-room check in the female change-room when a mom walks in with her two sons. Both are clearly way too old to be in there; they are probably eight or ten. They make their way to the hot tub.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but they can’t be in there if they are over the age of three.”

(The mother turns around and looks at me, wide-eyed.)

Mom: “WHAT?!”

Me: “This is still a female change-room, so they can’t be in here if they are over three.”

Mom: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! You expect me to leave my kids to get kidnapped while I use the hot tub? This is how they get kidnapped; that is a horrible rule!”

Me: “I don’t expect that at all, but we have the kiddie pool for you to use—“

Mom: “THAT IS NOT A HOT TUB!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry but they can’t be in here.”

Mom: “What am I supposed to do, then?”

Me: “There is the kiddie pool, or you can return with someone to watch your kids while—“

Mom: “No, we’re not going anywhere. Boys, get comfy.”

(She then proceeded to go into the hot tub and glare at me. Eventually, security had to force them out.)

(My coworkers and I are cleaning up after finishing swimming lessons. Suddenly, one of my coworkers approaches me and asks me to check out some raised voices she heard in the hallway. I walk up and I do hear raised voices coming from two mothers. I approach one of the ladies who is yelling and, for the sake of this story, it’s important to note that she is white and the woman she is arguing with is of African descent.)

Me: “Hey, ladies, what seems to be—“

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, the white lady screeches and storms up to the other woman.)

Lady: “DON’T YOU EVER TALK LIKE THAT TO ME!”

(The two start arguing while I’m trying to calm them down. I quickly radio the site leader that night, who helps me separate them. While we are trying to talk to both of them, the one customer is fuming and won’t calm down.)

Lady: “That f****** b**** and her son are dead. Dead! Her [racial slur] son hit my little girl!”

(The son and daughter are no more than five years old.)

Team Leader: “Ma’am, that language is not allowed here.”

Lady: “KICK THEM THE F*** OUT!”

(Meanwhile, I’m talking to the other mom, who is calm but obviously shaken, and trying to console her son, who is crying. It turns out that as they were passing by each other in the narrow hallway, the little boy accidentally bumped into the little girl and apologized. That’s when the other lady lost it. As I’m writing down a report, the team leader comes to me, obviously having had enough of the other lady.)

Team Leader: “Since you were the first one here, I just want to clarify something: would you say that the lady I’m talking to is the one who instigated the fight?”

Me: “Well, they were both arguing when I arrived—“

Team Leader: “But if I were to say in the report that the other lady was the one who was the most uncooperative and most argumentative, would you back up this statement?”

Me: “Oh, yes. I would, 100%.”

Team Leader: “Thank you.”

(She then walks back over to the other lady, who is still swearing and cursing.)

Team Leader: “You will stop this at once and leave this building or I will call and have police escort you out. Furthermore, you are banned from using this facility ever again for uttering death threats and discriminatory remarks. If you try to come back, we have your information and the police will be called. Do you understand?”

Lady: *starts to cry and wail* “It’s because I’m white, isn’t it?”

(That was the first and only time in my lifetime — so far — that I’ve ever heard that remark. Also, no, lady, it’s because you’re crazy!)