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Safety Rules Don’t Go Down Swimmingly

| UK | Family & Kids

(We have a strict policy when it comes to the swimming pool: no under-eights without an adult. I work on reception and it is summer.)

Grandfather: “Could I have three juniors to swim, please?”

Me: “Of course. And how old are they?”

Grandfather: “Twelve, eight, and six.”

Me: “Then I am sorry. I cannot let the six-year-old swim without someone over 16.”

Grandfather: “But she can swim.”

Me: “Sorry, but that is our policy.”

Grandfather: *yells at me* “…call yourself a holiday resort!”

(As he walked off, I hear him tell his granddaughter that ‘the lady won’t let her in.’ Of course it had nothing to do with safety and the fact the grandfather was willing to let all his grandchildren swim with no supervision. It was all my fault.)

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They’re Not The Brightest Star In The Sky

| Plainsboro, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I lifeguard at a pool in a residential neighborhood. We’re required by state law to check the chlorine and PH of the water every hour. As I’m testing the chemicals, a woman approaches.)

Woman: “Is the chlorine all right? Is it safe to come in?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Woman: “Okay, because last time we came here, when we went home our skin was dark!”

Me: “Oh, the chlorine wouldn’t do that to your skin.”

Woman: “No? Then what would?!”

Me: “…The sun?”

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She Is Seventeen, Going On A**-Hole

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Underaged

(I work as a lifeguard in a brand-new state-of-the-art pool. We have many different pools within our facility, one of which is the ‘therapy pool.’ The rule of this pool is that you MUST be eighteen or older to use this pool. This exchange happens as I’m on duty for the therapy pool. Three girls approach me. They all look around borderline eighteen, so I ask them their age.)

Girl #1: “Eighteen.”

Girl #2: “Eighteen.”

Girl #3: “Um… actually, I’m only seventeen.”

(It’s not a crowded night and I’m feeling jolly, so I don’t press on.)

Me: “That’s okay, you can go ahead on in. No one will really notice.”

Girl #3: “Wow, thanks!”

(They spend about an hour in the pool, and act normally. About thirty minutes after they leave, I’m approached by my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Did you let someone under eighteen in the therapy pool?”

Me: “Yes, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Was it?”

Supervisor: “No, it really wasn’t. However, the one that was seventeen complained about you.”

Me: “Are you f****** serious? I let her get in with her friends and she complains about me? Sheesh.”

Supervisor: *laughs* “Yes, I know. Frankly, I was appalled and told her to get out of the facility.”

(I couldn’t believe that she did that. The nerve of some people! I should have kicked her out.)

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Has A Rock Solid Murder Plan

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, School

(I work as a swim teacher at my local swimming pool. My first lesson on a Saturday morning is two brothers, about three and four years old.)

Me: “Now, you want to move your arms like this, to pull the water!” *demonstrates*

Four-Year Old: *excitedly* “If I killed my brother with a rock in a river, the rock would be too heavy and drag me under, too!”

Me: “Okay… let’s work on some kicks.”

(Apart from this incident and occasionally hugging each other like koala bears, those two were great students!)

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Wait Until You’re 21 Tall

| NY, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(This is my third year as a lifeguard at the local town pool. I am currently up on the stand overlooking the dive tank, which is 13 feet deep. A young boy, no more than six years old, walks up to me and this conversation ensues.)

Young Boy: “Mister?”

Me: “Hi, buddy, can I help you?”

Young Boy: “How deep is this?”

Me: “It’s 13 feet deep.”

Young Boy: “How deep is 13 feet?”

(We actually get this question a lot, so I usually compare it to the person’s height to give them a frame of reference.)

Me: “How tall are you?”

Young Boy: *after a couple seconds of intense thought* “Eight.”

Me: “You’re eight tall?”

Young Boy: *after a couple more seconds of intense thought* “Sometimes.”

Me: “Okay. You can’t stand in the water.”

Young Boy: “Oh, okay.” *walks away*

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