It’s A Tall Order And They Won’t Let It Slide

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I work at a local pool. Our policy is that children under 48″ in height are not allowed to ride the waterslides, period. If they are just barely tall enough, we will measure them and provide a wristband so the lifeguards know they’re okay to slide. On this particular day, I’m working the front desk. A mother comes in with her obviously-too-short daughter and asks to have her measured for a wristband.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your daughter isn’t tall enough.”

Customer: “Seriously? She’s only, like, an inch too short!”

Me: “Actually, she’s about three inches too short, ma’am. Unfortunately, I cannot give her a wristband unless she’s tall enough. If she were to get injured, our insurance would be void and we could be sued.”

Customer: “But I’m her mother. I give you permission.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that doesn’t help. The slides are very fast and if the patron isn’t a strong swimmer, they can be swept under the current. It is very likely that your daughter could get hurt on the slides.”

(The mother huffs and puffs and storms away, telling her daughter not to worry because she’s friends with the owner. Later, I’m on the slide tower and allow a younger boy with a wristband to slide down. Moments later, I hear a commotion below. The same customer from earlier has confronted the little boy about having a wristband, and is forcing him to stand back-to-back with her daughter to compare their heights.)

Customer: *screaming up at me* “See? They’re the same height! Why does he have a wristband and she doesn’t?”

(Sighing, I walk downstairs, bringing our portable measurement stick with me. I hold it up to each of the kids, and find that the boy is well over the height requirement.)

Me: “Ma’am, as you can see, this child is tall enough to ride. Your daughter is not. You cannot yell at other people’s children in this park, and if I see it happen again, you will be banned. And for the record, I’m surprised you’re so adamant about your daughter riding a slide that could severely injure her.”

(The customer had the decency to look ashamed, at least. Some parents just can’t tell their children NO!)

Safety Rules Don’t Go Down Swimmingly

| UK | Family & Kids

(We have a strict policy when it comes to the swimming pool: no under-eights without an adult. I work on reception and it is summer.)

Grandfather: “Could I have three juniors to swim, please?”

Me: “Of course. And how old are they?”

Grandfather: “Twelve, eight, and six.”

Me: “Then I am sorry. I cannot let the six-year-old swim without someone over 16.”

Grandfather: “But she can swim.”

Me: “Sorry, but that is our policy.”

Grandfather: *yells at me* “…call yourself a holiday resort!”

(As he walked off, I hear him tell his granddaughter that ‘the lady won’t let her in.’ Of course it had nothing to do with safety and the fact the grandfather was willing to let all his grandchildren swim with no supervision. It was all my fault.)

They’re Not The Brightest Star In The Sky

| Plainsboro, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I lifeguard at a pool in a residential neighborhood. We’re required by state law to check the chlorine and PH of the water every hour. As I’m testing the chemicals, a woman approaches.)

Woman: “Is the chlorine all right? Is it safe to come in?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Woman: “Okay, because last time we came here, when we went home our skin was dark!”

Me: “Oh, the chlorine wouldn’t do that to your skin.”

Woman: “No? Then what would?!”

Me: “…The sun?”

She Is Seventeen, Going On A**-Hole

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Underaged

(I work as a lifeguard in a brand-new state-of-the-art pool. We have many different pools within our facility, one of which is the ‘therapy pool.’ The rule of this pool is that you MUST be eighteen or older to use this pool. This exchange happens as I’m on duty for the therapy pool. Three girls approach me. They all look around borderline eighteen, so I ask them their age.)

Girl #1: “Eighteen.”

Girl #2: “Eighteen.”

Girl #3: “Um… actually, I’m only seventeen.”

(It’s not a crowded night and I’m feeling jolly, so I don’t press on.)

Me: “That’s okay, you can go ahead on in. No one will really notice.”

Girl #3: “Wow, thanks!”

(They spend about an hour in the pool, and act normally. About thirty minutes after they leave, I’m approached by my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Did you let someone under eighteen in the therapy pool?”

Me: “Yes, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Was it?”

Supervisor: “No, it really wasn’t. However, the one that was seventeen complained about you.”

Me: “Are you f****** serious? I let her get in with her friends and she complains about me? Sheesh.”

Supervisor: *laughs* “Yes, I know. Frankly, I was appalled and told her to get out of the facility.”

(I couldn’t believe that she did that. The nerve of some people! I should have kicked her out.)

Has A Rock Solid Murder Plan

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, School

(I work as a swim teacher at my local swimming pool. My first lesson on a Saturday morning is two brothers, about three and four years old.)

Me: “Now, you want to move your arms like this, to pull the water!” *demonstrates*

Four-Year Old: *excitedly* “If I killed my brother with a rock in a river, the rock would be too heavy and drag me under, too!”

Me: “Okay… let’s work on some kicks.”

(Apart from this incident and occasionally hugging each other like koala bears, those two were great students!)

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