I work at a major bank as a teller. A middle-aged couple comes in.

Customer: “We want to deposit some cash into our account.”

The cash they want to deposit is a fake $5,000 bill on yellow paper with golden-colored foil and a picture of former president Donald Trump on it.

I honestly think that this is a joke, so I start laughing really hard, but they get angry.

Customer: “That bill came directly from Trump, and as such, it is legitimate! We were told that we could deposit it at any bank with either ‘US’ or ‘America’ in its name!”

Me: “Sir, ma’am, Trump has no authority to issue bills, and this is probably intended to be some sort of souvenir.”

They storm out in a rage.

Customer: “We’re going to bring this to another bank! That one will have ‘America’ in its name!”

Clearly, our bank with “US” in the name wasn’t American enough because it was just “US” and not “USA”.

I wished them luck on their way out the door, but that only seemed to make them angrier.

We are interviewing people for a room in the flatshare I live in. As two rooms are available at the same time, the only people interviewing are [Flatmate] and me. We find a couple of people we like and meet with them, and after they have agreed, we have them come to sign the contracts.

The first guy comes over, and we chat amicably about nothing too serious. Suddenly, [Flatmate] starts telling us how she really wishes she could learn to appreciate boobs. I have no idea what to say to this and try laughing it off with a joke. At this, she starts ranting.

Flatmate: “I can’t wait until 2049 when the vaccine for heterosexuality will be available. All humans will have to take it and become homosexual so they never have kids, and global warming will be solved.”

I am trying to keep a straight face, as this is completely out of character for her. I am also praying to any deity right there and then that the new guy doesn’t tear up the contract and walk out of there. Luckily, he doesn’t, but I am creeped out.

I think that will be the end of odd conversations, but at the signing for the second room, we get another one. This time, [Flatmate] rants about the brilliance of communism and how Stalin was right with the purges. Yeah, she’s now advocating mass murder, but it’s okay as it was done by the left.

I find myself breaking my atheism for the second time that week praying to deities known and unknown. The second guy signs up and I breathe a sigh of relief.

[Flatmate] left a few months later, and my other flatmates and I still get a chuckle out of this at dinner occasionally. She’s the craziest flatmate I’ve had, and that was really out of character for her. I’m still surprised it wasn’t some kind of really weird test from her side.

I’m a cashier at a gas station. It is September 2022. I am vaccinated but still choose to wear a mask for two reasons. One, I handle money from hundreds of customers daily and [contagious illness] is still around. Two, unfortunately, due to two pregnancies and a lack of vitamins, at age thirty-one, I’ve had to have my teeth removed.

I’m working the register when a customer comes in.

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

The customer pays for gas and a pack of cigarettes and then comes out with this gem.

Customer: “You know, you shouldn’t be bothering with the mask. You look like a Trump. No, even better, a Biden! You’re going to lose customers looking like that.”

Me: “Sir, it’s more of a personal choice. I don’t mind continuing to wear them. Have a great day!”

I don’t even wear proper hospital-grade masks. I wear fabric ones with prints — currently Halloween-themed — so I don’t look like a germophobe, though a proper mask would protect me better.

Also, I currently have a coworker out sick for the next five days with — you guessed it!

At this point, I assume the interaction is over, but of course, I’m not that lucky as the customer comes back in a minute later.

Customer: “I swore I bought [Cigarettes], but apparently not. I’ll take another pack.”

I ring him up without comment, only asking for ID again and wishing him a great day yet again. He walks all the way to the door before turning and practically yelling at me.

Customer: “You know, I should put in a complaint about you, Miss Biden. You’re just showing that your company supports him!”

Me: “Sir, as I’ve said, it’s a personal choice. Please, have a good day.”

Customer: “You’re what’s wrong with America!”

Me: “Okay, sir. You can leave now.”

The customer did leave, thankfully. I still think he came back in just to harass me again. I get the [health crisis] is over, but seriously, me wearing a mask affects nobody but me. I’ll never understand why people think they have a right to comment on another person’s appearance, ever.

Related:
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 28
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 27
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 26
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 25
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 24

I work in a high-end tobacco store.

Customer: “I want some Cuban cigars. It needs to be a nice set for a gift.”

Our gift sets are quite pricey, so I usually say the following spiel to alleviate any shocks about the price.

Me: “Certainly, sir! We have several fine collections, and every set is made with genuine Cuban tobacco that’s been grown in Cuba for hundreds of years, so you’re guaranteed the very best.”

Customer: “Cuba? These cigars are from Cuba?”

Me: “Well… yes? The Cuban in the name kind of gives it away.”

Customer: “But they’re communists! They tried to invade us once!”

Me: “I… don’t think the invasion part is true, sir. And communist or not they produce the finest cigars in the world, so…”

Customer: “No! Absolutely not! I will not be buying anything from communists, and you should be ashamed about peddling their goods! I would like to speak to your manager!”

I decide this guy is not worth my time, so I call my manager over. The customer is a bit shouty at first, but my manager not only calms him down but manages to actually sell him a set of cigars.

Afterward, I ask what happened.

Manager: “I assured him that the Cuban cigars are made by capitalists so they don’t support communism.”

Me: “Well… okay?”

Manager: “But he still didn’t want a set from Cuba, especially when he saw the price, so I sold him a nice-looking set from China.”

Me: “But, didn’t he say he didn’t want anything from communists?”

Manager: “Do you want to chase him down and explain that to him?”

Point taken! 

Related:
Choose Your Battles, Part 3
Choose Your Battles, Part 2
Choose Your Battles

Customer: “Do you have Dinesh D’Souza’s new documentary?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t.”

Customer: “What?! How can you not carry it?! You’re evil! You’re against free speech!”

Me: “Ma’am, that documentary hasn’t even come out yet. Nobody has a copy.”