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Centsless Capitalism

, , , , , , | Right | June 12, 2023

I’m working as a cashier at a grocery store. This happens before most stores in my province stop offering single-use plastic bags for a small upcharge. If a customer doesn’t have any reusable bags with them, we are expected to ask if they need any single-use ones.

This particular customer asks how much they cost. That’s nothing unusual; people ask me this all the time. I tell him they’re five cents. But then, he gives me an odd look.

Customer: “Do you know where that money goes?”

Me: *Suddenly very confused* “I, uh… I don’t really know, sir. I’m a cashier; I don’t exactly—”

Customer: “It’s going to those American capitalists.”

He starts rambling about “g**d*** American capitalism”. I feel like if I were to explain that not only are we in a Canadian grocery store, but it’s a locally-owned chain that’s only in our province and, as far as I can tell, has no affiliation with any of these “American capitalists”, so I just smile and nod.

When he finishes his rant, he gives me an expectant look, so I just shrug and mutter something like, “That’s just how it is; I don’t make the rules.” He seems satisfied with this and gives me a quick nod before leaving with his (unbagged) groceries. The customer behind him just stares after him before we both look at each other, equally baffled.

Customer #2: “‘American capitalists?”

Me: “Yeah, I have no clue, either.”

Science Doesn’t Care What You Believe

, , , , , | Right | June 1, 2023

I work at a science museum with an astronomy section. One side exhibit near the giant sun in our solar system model describes the power of solar energy and how it’s getting cheaper and easier to harness. I see a customer with his family emerge from the moon-landing area and approach the sun.

Customer: “This is bulls***! I saw on the news that solar energy isn’t reliable.”

Me: “Recent developments in battery technology mean that solar energy is much more reliable than before, sir, not to mention that the panels themselves are more efficient and dropping in cost.” 

Customer: “Give me good old oil any day. That’s reliable!”

Me: “For the time being, sir, but it’s also a pollutant and major contributor to climate change, so it’s a good thing we’re trying to eliminate its usage in the long term.”

Customer: “Bah! All that climate change is a bunch of lies — just scientists wanting everyone to go woke.”

Me: “Sir, climate change is very much a real thing, and you’re standing inside a museum containing evidence to back that up.”

Customer: “Well, I’m allowed to have an opinion, aren’t I?”

Me: “That’s not an opinion, sir; that’s science.”

Customer: “Well, I just don’t believe in it.”

Me: “That’s fine, sir.”

Customer: “You’re being very rude!”

Me: “Sir, you’re insulting science inside a science museum.”

He storms off, dragging his children with him.

Customer: “We’re going! I knew they would ruin all this moon-landing stuff with science!”


Sadly, this guy is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to people refusing to believe in science, but at least you can laugh instead of cry with these 10 Hilarious Stories Of Customers Who Don’t Understand Science!

Even Their Brain Is Conspiring Against Them

, , , , , | Right | May 18, 2023

I work in a bookstore. Since we don’t carry every single title in existence, we often do special orders for customers.

Customer: *Holds up a book* “I got this at the library, and I want to know if you can get it for me.”

I look at it and see that it’s some conspiracy theory book written by Jesse Ventura (an American politician), so I am pretty confident that we will be able to get it for her in a couple of days. I tell her this.

Customer: “Miss, I don’t think you understand!”

She shoves the book under my nose and whips the front cover to the table of contents.

Customer: “Do you see this? Do you see this?”

She points to chapter titles, each of which details a different conspiracy theory.

Me: “Yes, I see that, and I’m just checking our wholesaler’s website for availability. It looks like we could have it in about two days.”

Apparently, the idea that I could get this book does not make her happy because she continues to insist that it is difficult to get a hold of.

Customer: “But, how? The government doesn’t want us to know what’s in that book!”

Me: “Your local library seems to have no trouble carrying it. Would you like me to special order it for you?”

After lecturing me on how dangerous this book would be for us to order — the store could be shut down! — she decides she will order it after all. 

Me: “Okay, I’ll need a first name, last name, and phone number so that we can hold the order for you.”

Customer: “No! I can’t give you that information! They’ll know!

Me: “We could put it under a fake name if you insisted; we just need you to remember it when you pick up your order.”

She ordered the book under a nondescript and very common name and gave me her phone number. When it came in, I called her number to let her know it had arrived and got a screeching beep in my ear along with the message that her number had been disconnected.

This was over a year ago. We still have the d*** book!


This customer might seem a bit unhinged, but they might seem tame compared to those found in these 10 Strange Stories About Customer Conspiracy Theorists!

Good Thing Being A Bad Coworker Isn’t Contagious

, , , , , , , , , , , | Working | May 15, 2023

In early 2021, [contagious illness] was in the midst of ravaging the world, and the vaccine, though in existence, was not widely available yet anywhere. It was also during then that the virus was thought to reside in a dormant state for days on everything an infected person touched.

Our front receptionist had recently moved to another state, so we needed a new one. After a short hiring process, we got someone, a young woman. During the interview, she had shown a negative [illness] test. (A positive one would not disqualify someone; if they WERE the best candidate, we’d wait two weeks and bring them in. Various other people could fill in the receptionist duties in the meantime. It was more stressful than normal, but we could go for two weeks.) She would immediately begin on Monday, and people would train her on what to do and how things worked in this office.

[New Hire] had a quiet and reserved demeanor, so nobody who shadowed her, teaching her how to do things, thought much of her when she would seem to have problems understanding concepts. It would take upwards of an hour for her to pick up any concepts, so training sessions would take an entire half of a day per person. She would also request to go into their offices to ask questions.

I was not one of the people who trained [New Hire], however, as my work was entirely different from hers, though my workspace was about fifteen feet (about four and a half meters) away from her and was the closest one, and we both shared the same large open-plan room.

Once she was finished with her training, which took about three days, she turned on the radio in this room. Ordinarily, it’s on a top-forty station, but she changed it to a talk radio station that was, for a lack of a better word, extremist. The hosts were racist, xenophobic, sexist, homophobic, reactionary, and full of conspiracy theories. As the January 6th riots were very recent, they had much to say about them that I will only say was making my blood boil.

Though I believe everyone has a right to their opinion and to share it peacefully, the more I had to hear that talk radio, the more maddening it was. But I figured that if this was what [New Hire] genuinely believed, I was not going to prevent her from hearing it, so I bore with it, especially since she didn’t come across as violent. Other people walking by would change the radio back to the top-forty station, but after they left, she would change it back to the talk radio station.

Every now and then, everyone in the office would go and take a test for [illness]. For the most part, either nobody would test positive, or only one or two would, and they’d stay home for two weeks. This time, on Friday, about half the office tested positive. [New Hire], meanwhile, reported back that her test was “inconclusive”, but she wouldn’t show the results.

The owner felt suspicious about this, and he coaxed [New Hire] into showing the real, unaltered results, showing she was positive. He confronted her about it online and asked why she lied about her test results twice. When she couldn’t provide any good answer, she was fired immediately. Contact tracing officials determined that she was the source of the outbreak in the office, and it made sense; everyone who caught it either worked with her directly, touched things she touched (like the radio), or stayed in close proximity to someone who had caught it for an extended amount of time.

I was spared; my test came up negative, which I presume is because I never interacted with her besides talking to her from across the room, nor did I touch anything she did. However, because so much of the office staff tested positive, they had to quarantine for two weeks, so the following two weeks were the toughest stretch I had ever worked in that office due to being so insanely short-staffed.

Meanwhile, we discovered that while [New Hire] packed up her own valuables when she was fired, she left other various things behind, lying out in the open: a half-empty bottle of water, an unopened packet of peanut butter cups, a somewhat-used bottle of perfume, a box of tea bags, and a few other items that wouldn’t be missed. I was told to put it all in a box for her to claim if she wanted, though I was supposed to wait a week to minimize the risk of getting infected by touching her belongings. For the following few weeks, I repeatedly tried to contact her and let her know that we’d boxed up her belongings and that she could claim them, but she never responded, nor did she show up. After two months, we disposed of them.

In hindsight, a lot of the other people around the office and I believe that, as an asymptomatic carrier, she had tried to deliberately spread [illness] around the office. She acted to maximize her time close to other people, she attempted to bait me into touching things she touched, she likely spoke softly and quietly to get people to come closer to her so she could hear her, and once she had to leave, she left a bunch of her things behind that she wouldn’t claim as one last attempt to infect somebody — either me, someone who had to pick up her things, or the next receptionist.

I would really like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was a slow learner and was influenced by other figures in her life in certain ways, but I have a hard time believing any of that. But I really hope that was the case, as the alternative — to spread [illness] around deliberately and maliciously — boggles the mind.

Wait Until She Sees The Pope In The Puffer Jacket!

, , , , , , , , | Right | May 15, 2023

I am checking out a line of customers. There is a middle-aged mother checking out with her younger daughter. The mother is browsing on her phone when her eyes suddenly go wide.

Mother: “It’s happening! It’s actually happening! It’s going to be a war!”

The daughter looks at her mother’s phone, rolls her eyes, and quietly tries to shush her.

Mother: “We need to get home! Quick, call your father! There’ll be some kind of uprising!”

The mother is getting louder and louder and seems to be bothering other customers — and me! — so I feel obliged to ask:

Me: “Ma’am, is everything okay?”

The daughter speaks up for her.

Daughter: “One of her Facebook groups got around to sharing those A.I.-generated images of Trump getting arrested.”

Me: “Oh, those were generated a few weeks ago.”

Daughter: “Yeah, but there’s no point explaining to my mom that they’re fake. She doesn’t even understand how email works, so there’s no point trying to explain A.I.”

Mother: *To both of us* “The liberals finally came for him! We need to let people know!”

Daughter: “Don’t worry, Mom. Let’s get the groceries, and we’ll call Aunt Marge on the drive home.”

The mother starts calling people frantically while the daughter is checking out her items.

Me: “Good luck.”

Daughter: “Thank you.”

Funnily enough, a few weeks later, I see the daughter again, sans mother. As she’s checking out, we recognize each other.

Me: “How did things go with your mother?”

Daughter: “Oh, it was stressful at first, but then, the other day, I showed her A.I.-generated images of all the GOP leaders dressed up as drag queens, so since she refuses to admit she’s wrong about these images being fake, she’s really having to look deep inside herself and figure out how high up this hill she’s willing to die on.”

Me: “Good luck… again!”

Daughter: “One day I’ll be able to leave this store without you saying that to me!”

I hope for some updates from her the next time she’s back!


Many customers on NAR have been proven wrong but are already so committed to their false and entitled view of the world that they dig their heels in and choose the silliest of hills to die on, just like these 10 Terrible Customers Who Absolutely Will Die On This Hill!