(A lady wants to make a credit card payment with a temporary check, which is not accepted at the store I work at. It goes all the way up to the top manager in the store and the exchange of words is glorious:)

Manager: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, this lady told me you can’t accept temporary checks?”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Unfortunately in the past we’ve had trouble cashing those checks. It’s nothing against you personally, but based on past problems we can’t accept temporary checks.”

Customer: “So let me get this straight? You treat everyone exactly the same way?”

Manager: “Uh… yes.”

Customer: “Well, if this place isn’t run by a bunch of stupid liberals!”

(Note: this customer is yelling at me over something stupid in the first place…)

Customer: *pause* “Who is that on your shirt?”

Me: *slightly taken aback by the change in subject* “Ernesto “Che” Guevara.”

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “A Cuban revolutionary.”

Customer: “My husband is Cuban… Would he know about that guy?”

Me: “Yeah.”

(Customer calls her husband and talks to him for a second)

Customer: “My husband says he is a communist. Are you a communist?!”

Me: “Only on paper, ma’am.”

Customer: *blink blink* “I don’t get it!”

Me: “I didn’t think you would.”

Old man: “Well, I’d like three slices, all meat, and a Coke.”

Me: “Is Pepsi okay? We don’t serve Coke anymore.”

Old man: “WHAT?! YOU DON’T SERVE COKE? ANYMORE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”

Me: “Well, we used to sell both brands. It was just far too expensive to keep both stocked when most people aren’t devastated by not having Coke.”

Old man: “THAT’S ABSURD! WHO DOESN’T SELL COKE?! THAT’S INSANITY!”

Me: (I’m now egging him on and holding back laughter) “Well… you can go next door. The convenience store probably sells Coke, but I can’t guarantee it.”

Old man: “That’s what I’ll do! You won’t get my $0.75!”

Me: “Umm… okay. I’ll have your pizza in just a minute.”

His Wife: “Don’t mind him. He’s crazy.”

Old Man: “Shut it! What kind of a day and age is it when you don’t sell Coke? It’s just plain un-American.”

Me: “You know, Coke cans are red… like communism. ”

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