Will Take A Vote On Who Was Right

, , , , | Friendly | April 13, 2019

(Our voting place has been inside an apartment complex near our house for years. I usually walk there, but one year I decide to drive. I go in the morning because I can vote before work and my shift will last past voting hours. No big deal, right? I drive up and the complex has four parking spaces for voters and all are being used. The only other parking space is handicapped. Knowing I am going to run in and out — I have a filled-out sample ballot so all I have to do is color in some circles — I park in a resident’s spot. I hate doing it but figure I’ll be really quick. I am quite literally filling in the last circle when a lady bursts into the voting place.)

Lady: “Who drives a [car meeting mine’s description]? You’re in my spot!”

Me: *fessing up* “That’s me. I’m leaving right now. Sorry, there was nowhere to park.”

(It’s lame, I know it, but I’m complying with her wants.)

Lady: “You’re in my spot! It’s not for voters!”

Me: “I know. All those spots were filled. Again, I’m sorry.”

(I try to leave to move my car, but she isn’t done.)

Lady: “You can’t park there! You—“ *directs her finger to the voting volunteers* “—need to make sure they can’t park there.”

Volunteer: “Ma’am, we do not block people from voting. It is about ten in the morning, so people are going to use those open spots. We will not stop them.”

(She had a small meltdown and I walked out to move the car. Out there I saw one vehicle parked across two open resident spaces near the spot I parked in. Apparently, she could park in two other people’s spot but I couldn’t park in one!)

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Vote Of Happiness!

, , , , , , | Hopeless | March 29, 2019

It is Election Day many years ago. I stop by my polling place after work to place my vote. The lines are long, it is late, I haven’t had dinner yet, and everyone looks tired and miserable. One person pokes his head out of the curtain at the voting booth, asking the volunteers for help. He then goes back behind the curtain. There is more than one booth for my district, but it’s going slow and I notice this guy has been in his booth for what seems like forever.

After a long while, he steps out. He is beaming, and he looks around at the unsmiling, waiting faces.  

“I have an announcement to make! Today, for the first time, I voted as an American citizen! Congratulate me!”

Smiles appear on everyone’s faces and congratulations pour in from all around. And, yes, everyone really does clap! I walk home much happier.

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Bias — I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

, , , , | Right | March 5, 2019

Customer: “Are you guys the same as [Other Store in town that sells the same type of product as us]?”

Me: “Yes, but we’re better!” *laughs* “I might be a bit biased, though!”

Customer: “Bias? You must be a Democrat!”

Me: “…”

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This Conversation Has Hit A Wall

, , , | Right | February 13, 2019

(It’s the day after Donald Trump has won the presidential election. I am working the drive-thru at my former job as a cashier for a popular fast food chain. A woman orders a Diet Coke and drives up to the window.)

Me: *taking her credit card* “Hello! How are you?”

Customer: “How am I?! Donald Trump is president! I’m a Democrat. That’s how I am.”

Me: *stunned, handing her back her card and drink after I swipe* “Okay! Have a great day, ma’am!”

Customer: *rolls her eyes and speeds off*

Me: *to coworker* “Did you hear me ask her political views?”

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Obama Drama, Part 6

, , , , , | Working | January 31, 2019

(I work in a major retail chain. One night, we get an unusual truck delivery. Our manager is waiting by the dock with us as we get ready to unload it.)

Manager: *sigh* “All right, everyone. This is going to seem crazy, but I’ve confirmed with the home office that the delivery inside is definitely intended to be ours just the way it is, so just go with it.”

Coworker: “Wait. What the heck is inside?”

Manager: “You’ll see.”

(Shortly after, the truck driver opens the door to reveal an absolutely absurd amount of tangerines. My coworkers and I alternate between staring at the tangerines in amazement and each other in shock and confusion.)

Coworker: “There’s no way this is right. I get that we’re a busy supercenter and all, but there’s no way even we can sell all these oranges before a whole bunch goes bad.”

Manager: “Yep, that’s how I feel, but apparently someone higher up than me disagrees.”

Me: *as I’m sliding my pallet jack under the first pallet* “What reason could there possibly be to make this seem like a good idea?”

Driver: “You want to know what these oranges are for? This is all about that Obamacare!”

(Suddenly, everyone stops what they’re doing to process what the driver has said.)

Manager: “What… What does that have to do with oranges? No, actually, what does that have to do with anything right now?”

Driver: “That’s Obamacare for you; it doesn’t make any sense!”

(We quickly gave up trying to figure out what the driver was talking about. For the next week, all our nightly meetings included a manager urging us all to get a bag of tangerines on the way home. Once the story of the delivery had spread, we would all say goodbye to each other with, “Don’t forget your Obamacare oranges!”)

Related:
Obama Drama, Part 5
Obama Drama, Part 4
Obama Drama, Part 3

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