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Hey G.W., Crazy Lady On Line 1

, , , , , | Right | August 12, 2008

(I used to work in a building on 17th and Pennsylvania Ave, which is a block away from the White House.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company].”

Lady: “Uh, hi… is this office in DC?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is the DC office. How may I direct your call?”

Lady: “Is your building by the White House?”

Me: “Yes, it is…?”

Lady: “Can you run over there and tell them to pick up the phone? I’ve been calling all day but I can’t get ahold of the President!”

Me: *click*


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Red + Blue = Purple (Bruises)

, , , | Right | June 20, 2008

(It’s a slow night at our fast food/sandwich shop, so we’re chatting with the customers. This particular customer is a regular, and is discussing birthday presents with my coworker.)

Customer: “Yeah, I got my kids guns for their birthdays!”

Coworker: “How old are they?!”

Customer: “In their 20s.”

Coworker: *shocked* “But guns kill people!”

Customer: “Well, they may need to protect themselves someday, you know.”

Coworker: “From what? Wild animals?”

Customer: “No, from Democrats!”

(My coworker got very offended, and a rather loud debate ensued between them as I tried helplessly to control my laughter.)

Shopping Amongst The Commoners

, , , | Right | May 16, 2008

Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

Customer: *gives last name*

Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cash wrap, to find the book*

Customer: *comes behind the cash wrap and looks too*

Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

Me: *finds book, completes sale*

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker: *laughing* “Do you know who that was?”

Me: “Well… he looked familiar.”

Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

(I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy whoever came into the store.)

Thomas Jefferson, Colonial Hippie

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2008

(A lady wants to make a credit card payment with a temporary check, which is not accepted at the store I work at. It goes all the way up to the top manager in the store and the exchange of words is glorious:)

Manager: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, this lady told me you can’t accept temporary checks?”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Unfortunately in the past we’ve had trouble cashing those checks. It’s nothing against you personally, but based on past problems we can’t accept temporary checks.”

Customer: “So let me get this straight? You treat everyone exactly the same way?”

Manager: “Uh… yes.”

Customer: “Well, if this place isn’t run by a bunch of stupid liberals!”

Someone Needs A Trip To The Warhol Museum

, , | Right | November 8, 2007

(Note: this customer is yelling at me over something stupid in the first place…)

Customer: *pause* “Who is that on your shirt?”

Me: *slightly taken aback by the change in subject* “Ernesto “Che” Guevara.”

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “A Cuban revolutionary.”

Customer: “My husband is Cuban… Would he know about that guy?”

Me: “Yeah.”

(Customer calls her husband and talks to him for a second)

Customer: “My husband says he is a communist. Are you a communist?!”

Me: “Only on paper, ma’am.”

Customer: *blink blink* “I don’t get it!”

Me: “I didn’t think you would.”