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Slightly Less Rare Than An Honest Politician

, , , , | Right | August 17, 2009

Coworker: “Hi, how are you? Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for books by John Edwards.”

Coworker: “The politician?”

Customer: “Yes… He reads minds, you know.”

Coworker: “Oh, you’re looking for John Edwards the psychic, not John Edwards the politician.”

Customer: “They’re different people?!”

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Land Of The Free, Home Of the Single-Minded

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2009

(This takes place in 2008 when George W. Bush was still president. A customer brings a book filled with his quotes to the register.)

Customer: “What kind of nonsense is this? I can’t believe you guys would really sell these books here. He’s still our president, and he deserves respect!

Me: “I’m sorry if the books offend you, sir, but we offer them for customers who have different opinions.”

Customer: “This is America! We should all have the same opinion!” *storms out with his purchase*

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Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 2

, , | Right | May 11, 2009

(This is back in August of 2008. I am just starting as a volunteer for the Barack Obama campaign.)

Me: “Hi I’m calling on behalf of the Barack Obama Campaign for Change. Is [Caller] there?”

Caller: “Barack Obama?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Who’s he?”

Me: “A candidate.”

Caller: “For what?”

Me: “President.”

Caller: “President of what?”

Me: “…the United States?”


Me: “No, I’m just a volunteer.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Go ahead, ask me the questions.”

Me: “So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Candidate for what?

Me: “The President of the United States.”

Caller: “Oh, the election is this year?”

Me: “Yes. So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Well, I guess Obama, since he’s calling me.”

Me: “All right, good.”

Caller: “Is he there?”

Me: “Um… no, not right now.”

Caller: “But I read on the news he’s supposed to be in Virginia.”

Me: “Yeah, but not in Richmond.”

Caller: “Oh, when will he get back?”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir.”

Caller: “Okay. Well, when he gets back, have him give me a call!”

Me: “Uh… okay.”

Caller: “You need the number?”

Me: “No, sir, I’ve got it.”

Caller: “Okay, he’d better call me and tell me to vote for him!”

This story is part of our Presidents Day roundup!

Read the next Presidents Day roundup story!

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Hypothetical Intelligence

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2009

(I work for a political party and am making polling calls.)

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I’m calling on behalf of the [Political Party]. Do you have time to take a quick survey for us?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Thank you. If there was a general election tomorrow, who do you think you would vote for?”

Caller: “There’s a general election tomorrow?”

Me: “No, but if there was, who do you think you would vote for?”

Caller: “I would have trouble getting to the polling station. Are you offering a lift?”

Me: “No… it’s a hypothetical election question about who would you vote for.”

Caller: “Sorry, I have to go to the doctors tomorrow!”

Me: *gives up*

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Bipartisan Barware

, , | Right | February 25, 2009

Customer: “You used to carry those drinking glasses that are shaped like soda pop bottles. Do you still have them?”

Me: “I believe so. Let me check with that department.”

Associate: *over walkie talkie* “Yes, we do have some. They’re in the barware section.”

Me: *to customer* “Okay, ma’am, we do have some–”

Customer: “No, I was just back there, and you only have the really big ones and the ones that are too small. You used to have the medium-sized ones that are just right. I told the boy back there that I needed the medium-sized ones.”

Me: “So… you already spoke to the department associate?”

Customer: “Yes, and he said that you don’t have them anymore. But I know that you do, because I saw Hillary Clinton drinking from one of them on the debates last night!”

Me: *to the associate* “Are we out of stock on those glasses, or are they discontinued?”

Associate: “Discontinued. I already spoke to someone about these glasses…”

Me: *to customer* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it looks like we’re not going to be carrying that particular size anymore–”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! He’s lying!”

Me: “Umm, excuse me?”

Customer: “He’s lying! I saw Hillary Clinton drinking out of one of these god-d*** glasses last night on the debate! And you’re trying to tell me that they don’t make them anymore?! I don’t think so. Why are you all lying?! If Hillary Clinton can drink out of one of these glasses, then they obviously are still making them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not saying that they’re not being made anymore. I’m saying that we’re no longer carrying that particular size in our store, that’s all.”

Customer: “Lies! I bet if Hillary Clinton came in here and asked for those glasses, you people would get off your a**es and check the back room for her!”

Me: “Have a nice night, ma’am.”

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