Birthday Cele-Berations

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2010

Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”

Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”

Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”

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Labouring Over The Decision

, | Right | October 4, 2010

(We are having our federal election. I have just given a voter her ballot papers, and she told me she was familiar with how to vote. However, about 5 minutes later, I see her desperately trying to get her hand into the ballot box.)

Customer: “Someone help me!”

Me: “What is it? Are you okay?”

Customer: “No! I voted for the wrong person! I don’t want that evil man running my country! I just got confused!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, I can’t get into the ballot box until 6pm tonight. Tell me what happened, and I’ll ask my supervisor if there’s anything we can do.”

Customer: “I meant to vote for Julia Gillard but I accidentally put my preference down as Labour!”

Me: “I think you’re okay then. Julia Gillard is the Labour representative.”

Customer: *suddenly looking shifty* “Well duh. Why else would I have voted for Labour?”

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When Rants Get Real

, , , , , | Right | October 2, 2010

(These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

Customer: “D*** right, it is. They should do something about it, too! Hold a trial or something.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

Customer: “Uh-huh… You seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too, wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too?!”

Me: “They’re already doing that.”

Customer: “Wait, what!?”

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Panda-Monium

, , , , , , | Right | October 1, 2010

(We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?”

Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.”

Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s not.”

Guest: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.”

Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!”


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Sketchy Ballots

| Right | September 1, 2010

(I am an election inspector for the 2010 Primary Election.)

Customer: “Why isn’t there a Tea Party choice on the ballot? I don’t want to vote Democrat or Republican!”

Me: “Ma’am, only the Democratic and Republican parties are having a primary.  You can’t vote for the Tea Party. You can choose not to vote the partisan section of the ballot, if you wish.”

Customer: “Well, how about if I just draw a big teapot on the ballot?”

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