Ah, Democracy

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2017

(It’s the day of the 2016 elections. I’ve just arrived to work.)

Me: “Hey, [Supervisor]. Do you want me in the lobby or the drive-up?”

Supervisor: “Your choice!”

Customer #1: “Hey! You cut in front of me!”

Customer #2: “You just told the teller you weren’t ready! I am ready, so I will go first!”

Customer #1: “You dodo bird. Must be a [Presidential Candidate] voter.”

(The entire lobby goes quiet and looks at [Customer #2].)

Customer #2: “You know what? I’ll just come back later.” *calmly walks out*

Customer #1: “So entitled and arrogant. I just know he’s a [Candidate] supporter. Did you know they’re trying to rig the voting machines? Ha! Like anyone in this area would vote for [Candidate].” *walks out, still talking to himself*

Me: “Ah… drive-up. I pick drive-up.”

Supervisor: “Yeah, I think I’ll join you.”

Coworker: “HEY! Don’t leave me alone up here! This city has turned into crazy town!”

Arguing Over Some Military Thinking

, , , , , | Friendly | October 3, 2017

(I sign up for a tour group that, in this story, is in Wales to tour Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, a town famous for its long name. This tour group takes you around Europe for the summer. In order to join, you have to have something on you that says where you’re from. To do that, I carry around a backpack with an American flag on it. Most in the group are amazing and I still keep in touch with them, but there are two in the group who are downright rude to me. One is a boy who wears a British flag jacket, and the other is a girl who wears a French flag necklace. We stop at one of the restaurants to take a break from walking, and we get on the conversation about healthcare.)

Me: “Well, my country has pretty okay hospitals and all that, just a bad plan. I wish we could put more money into the budget, but most of the money has to go to the military.”

British Guy: “Wait, why? So you could take more for your empire?”

Me: “What? No, we do it to protect other countries.”

French Woman: “Yeah, sure, you guys say that, and then you always get involved in other’s affairs. Why don’t you just keep your nose out of other people’s business?”

(It’s at this point that somebody else in the group, a Jewish man wearing an Israeli flag pin on his shirt, speaks up.)

Israeli Man: “Probably because the last few times they tried to ignore Europe, two world wars happened.”

(That shut the two of them up, though of course they didn’t stay that way. But whenever they tried to insult me, the Israeli and a few others would speak up, until the two finally left me alone. Don’t worry; other than them, the people in those countries were very nice and polite. I had a blast in Europe!)

Highly Rigged

, , , , | Working | September 18, 2017

(It is about one week before a presidential election. One of the candidates has been insisting that the election is rigged throughout the past month or two. I work in a department which shares office space with another department in control of elections for the town. I have been asked to help test the ballot machines. We fill out sample ballots randomly, run them through the machines, and make sure each machine comes up with the correct totals for each candidate. Upon re-entering the office, I see a coworker who has started her shift while I was gone.)

Coworker: “Hello, ladies! Where have you been?”

Me: “Oh, just rigging elections.”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Did I say that out loud?”

Coworker: *bursts out laughing*

Me: “No, but really, just testing the ballot machines. [Third Party Presidential Candidate] won, [Incumbent State Senator For Many Terms] lost, and [Unpopular Sheriff Candidate] won. But the marijuana question passed, so the voters were all high anyways.”

I Will Catch Them All, And Mexico Will Pay For It

, , , , | Learning | September 15, 2017

(Two third-graders are trading Pokémon cards on the bus and are just getting off when I hear this gem:)

Student: “Donald Trump is like ‘Mr. Mime’ because he makes walls.”

We Negotiate Better Than Anybody, Believe Me, It’ll Be Beautiful

, , , , | Right | September 12, 2017

(I work at a local furniture store, where we never have sales because our prices are always marked down from the MSRP. I’ve done the math, and it’s anywhere from 30-45% off on EVERY PIECE. As such, we also don’t negotiate prices. Most people accept it and say, “It was worth a try,” while others simply refuse to accept it. This happens to a coworker during my first week on the job.)

Customer: “I want to negotiate the price of this.”

Coworker: “We don’t negotiate prices, as our prices are always much lower than the suggested retail price.”

(The man immediately gets angry.)

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t negotiate? This is TRUMP’S America! We NEGOTIATE in Trump’s America!”

Coworker: *trying not to snap at him* “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir, but that’s store policy.”

Customer: “I want to talk to a manager. NOW.”

(We don’t have managers, since it’s a family owned store with policies that are set in stone, but my coworker gets one of the more experienced women from the office to tell this customer the same thing.)

Coworker #2: “Sir, we don’t negotiate prices.”

Customer: “This is RIDICULOUS. This is Trump’s America! Let’s see how long you last with this type of service in TRUMP’S America!”

(He buys the furniture anyway, because SURPRISE, the prices are still very reasonable for a locally owned store that has been in business for over 100 years. I don’t think we will need to worry about going out of business anytime soon. Later on, another coworker and I are discussing how people like to try and negotiate.)

Coworker #3: “Just ONCE, I would like to say to someone, ‘Name THREE companies that negotiate their prices.’ Guess what? You can’t! Car dealerships, maybe. But we aren’t a car dealership!”

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