When Rants Get Real

, , , , , | Right | October 2, 2010

(These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

Customer: “D*** right, it is. They should do something about it, too! Hold a trial or something.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

Customer: “Uh-huh… You seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too, wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too?!”

Me: “They’re already doing that.”

Customer: “Wait, what!?”

1 Thumbs
3,540

Panda-Monium

, , , , , , | Right | October 1, 2010

(We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?”

Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.”

Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s not.”

Guest: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.”

Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
2,930

Sketchy Ballots

| Right | September 1, 2010

(I am an election inspector for the 2010 Primary Election.)

Customer: “Why isn’t there a Tea Party choice on the ballot? I don’t want to vote Democrat or Republican!”

Me: “Ma’am, only the Democratic and Republican parties are having a primary.  You can’t vote for the Tea Party. You can choose not to vote the partisan section of the ballot, if you wish.”

Customer: “Well, how about if I just draw a big teapot on the ballot?”

1 Thumbs
2,016

The Union Of Soviet Solar Systems

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, does this planet mobile include Pluto?”

Me: “Well, there are only eight planets on the mobile. So, no, it does not.”

Customer: “I refuse to accept that Pluto is not a planet anymore. I don’t care what the socialists say!”

1 Thumbs
2,573

Freedom Of Screech

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2010

(I’m an admissions officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)

Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [College]?”

Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ’83.”

Me: “Fantastic!  I’m Class of ’04. Can I answer any questions for you?”

Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [College] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of–”

Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of viewpoints.”

Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You’ll no longer see my $25 a year.”

Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”

Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”

1 Thumbs
5,032