Some Days Start Off With A Bang

, , , | Right | September 3, 2012

(A man walks into our police department and approaches the dispatch counter.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Man: “I was just at a yard sale and brought a nice wood trunk, but when I got it home I looked inside and it was full of dynamite. It looks old and unstable.”

Me: “And where is it now?”

Man: “It’s in the back of my truck.”

Me: “Okay, and where is your truck?”

Man: “Outside in your parking lot!”

(And that was how our police department ended up getting evacuated for three hours. He parked, of all places, next to the supervisor’s brand new personal truck. Thankfully, it was found to be dummy training dynamite!)

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Not The Right Mix Of Morals

| USA | Working | August 6, 2012

(My shift consists of myself (biracial) and two other girls: one black, one white. An officer comes in with a colleague in tow and is ranting about something. I walk up to the counter and hear this.)

Officer: “…and then they told me I should consider myself lucky I wasn’t being reported. I’m telling you, all these d*** black people need to go find jobs, and furthermore…” *continues ranting*

(The officer’s colleague is aware that I am biracial, and is desperately trying to get him to look at me and shut up. When the officer finally turns to me, he realizes what has happened and grows very pale.)

Me: *sweetly* “I’m bi-racial, so I have a 50-50 chance of getting whatever you’re here for correct. Or, would you like me to get out a white girl to assist you?”

(The officer all but runs out of the office, leaving the other officer to apologize profusely before following him. Not surprisingly, his termination was announced a few weeks later, and quite a few complaints of racism were listed among the reasons.)

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Not Something To Horse Around About

| New Hampshire, USA | Right | July 4, 2012

(We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*


(To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

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So Much For Spit & Run

, | Copenhagen, Denmark | Right | April 16, 2012

(In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in out lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

Boss: “What happened?”

Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

(My boss and I walk out the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possibly. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

(Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

Customer: *shuts up*

(We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

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When Call Center Levels Reach Their Ceiling

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | June 30, 2011

Me: “Hello. This is [station]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I live in a condo, and there is a leak in the pipes. Water is leaking behind the living room wall and building management won’t fix it.”

Me: “Okay. Why are you calling the police?”

Caller: “Well, it’s an emergency. They won’t fix it. They say it’s my problem because the leak is in my unit.”

Me: “Have you called a plumber?”

Caller: “No. It’s an emergency. That’s why I called you. If the water keeps leaking, the ceiling could fall in.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you think the ceiling is going to fall in, leave your unit and call a plumber.”

Caller: “But I need help now!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s your choice. If you think you’re in danger, leave your unit. Unless you’re being crushed by falling sheet rock, this is not a police matter. Please hang up and call a plumber.”

Caller: “So, if the ceiling falls on me, I can call you back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *click*

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