Needs To Go To 911, 101

| SC, USA | Right | March 20, 2014

Me: “911, what’s the address of your emergency?”

Caller: “I need the number for the phone company.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is 911. Do you have an emergency?”

Caller: “I need the number for the phone company!”

Me: “Okay, so just to clarify: you do not have an emergency at this time?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Call me back at this number and I’ll see what I can do to help you.”

(At this point I gave her the non-emergency number and she hung up. I grabbed the phone book while I waited on her to call back.)

Me: “This is the [City] Police Department. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need the number for the phone company.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ve got the phone book in front of me now. There are three numbers listed here, which do you need? I have one for billing, one for establishing service, and one for repairs.”

Caller: “No! I need the number for the phone company that I can call and get someone else’s phone number.”

Me: *pause* “Do you mean 411, ma’am?”

Caller: “Yes! That’s it! Thanks!” *click*

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Will Try To Tag Themselves In Jail

| TX, USA | Right | March 12, 2014

(I stop a young, 20-something woman for using her cell while driving in an active school zone.)

Me: “I stopped you, ma’am, for using your phone while driving in a school zone, which is against the law.”

Driver: “I am not calling anyone or texting, so I am not using my phone. I was updating my Facebook status!”

(After citing her, we both pull away from the curb. I then witness her using her cell AGAIN, so I stop her once more.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have already explained and cited you for the very same reason I am pulling you over the second time. I do not want to have to arrest you, so please do not use your phone while driving again.”

Driver: “One more time, officer, I am NOT calling or texting! I am uploading a picture of my citation to Pinterest!”

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Thoughts Suspended

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2014

(I am in a reserve officer training class at a sheriff’s academy. Enrollment in this class is done through a community college, not the sheriff’s department. When it is time to do the firearms instruction, you have two choices: you can use your own firearm if it is one of the authorized service pistols, or you can borrow one from the academy. If you borrow one, you need a driver’s license for proof of identity in case something happens to the firearm.)

Student: “Well, I don’t have my license.”

Deputy #1: “Then we can’t loan you the pistol.”

Student: “But I need to do this range stuff to graduate, right?”

Deputy #1: “Yes. That is why we tell people to bring their license if they need to borrow a firearm. We cannot lend you one without it.”

Student: “I can’t bring one in. I don’t have a license right now.”

Deputy #2: “What? I saw you drive up here. What do you mean, you don’t have a license now?”

Student: “Well, it was suspended.”

Deputy Sergeant: “Did you just tell us you are driving on a suspended license?”

Student: “Yeah. It sucks.”

(Deputy #1 and #2 share a look.)

Deputy Sergeant: “So which car is yours?”

(The student points it out.)

Deputy Sergeant: “And you drove that here on a suspended license?”

Student: “Yeah. Like I said, it sucks.”

Deputy Sergeant: “Okay, well, let me see what I can do.”

(The deputy sergeant goes to the office, and comes back about 15 minutes later.)

Deputy Sergeant: “When you found out that your license was suspended, did they also inform you that it was for a failure to appear on your drunk driving case and that there was a warrant for your arrest?”

Student: “Uh, let me think… Yeah. There was something like that in the letter.”

Deputy Sergeant: “Well, that warrant is why you are under arrest.”

Student: “What!?”

(The rest of the class was amazed at the idiocy that this guy displayed. His mom came by later to get the car. She was not pleased with her son, and she had no idea he even had a drunk driving incident!)

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Driving Home Good Music

| Bridgetown, ME, USA | Working | December 19, 2013

(I’ve been pulled over, which I’m no stranger to, as I have a lead foot. However, this time I’m not speeding.)

Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over tonight, miss?”

Me: “No. I’m sorry; I don’t.”

Officer: “Well, your music was very loud when you drove past me. It’s loud enough that it shook my windows.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I’ll keep it down low. I didn’t realize how loud it was.”

Officer: “I’m going to have to give you a written warning— Hey, I like this song. What is it?”

Me: “It’s [Song] by [Artist].”

Officer: “You know what? You have good taste in music. Forget the written warning. Have a great night, miss.”

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Policeless State Versus Stateless Police

| NC, USA | Working | December 16, 2013

(I am borrowing my mother’s boyfriend’s SUV. He is from New York and still has a New York license plate on the rear of the SUV. He has removed the front one, which is required by New York state law to be on there. I am driving in North Carolina, which does not have front license plate laws. I have just been pulled over.)

Officer: “Can I see your license and registration, please?”

(I hand them over.)

Officer: “Okay. Who is the owner of this vehicle?”

Me: “My mother’s boyfriend, [Name].”

Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”

Me: “I haven’t the slightest.”

Officer: “When I passed you, I noticed that this vehicle is from New York. You do not have a front license plate.”

Me: *confused* “Okay?”

Officer: “You do know that is required by New York state, correct?”

Me: “Yeah, I know. But we are in North Carolina.”

(The officer looks dumbfounded. There is an awkward moment of silence.)

Officer: “I’m going to run these. I’ll be right back.”

(The officer leaves and returns a few minutes later. He hands me a piece of paper.)

Officer: “I’m giving you a ticket for not having a front license plate on this vehicle. I have circled your fine for you at the top.”

(I read over the ticket. It clearly says that I have willfully and unlawfully driven a New York registered vehicle without a front license plate.)

Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. You do not have the authority to enforce New York state law.”

Officer: “But I am from New York, and I know that it is illegal.”

Me: “But you are a North Carolina police officer, correct?”

Officer: “Yeah. What of it? Your ticket clearly states what you are accused of.”

Me: “I don’t think yo—”

Officer: “Sir, if you want to dispute the ticket, you can take it to the [County] courthouse.”

Me: “So you ACTUALLY think you can cite me for this?”

Officer: *blank stare*

Me: “Call your sergeant down for me.”

Officer: “He’s not going to drop this.”

Me: “CALL. HIM.”

(A few minutes later, another squad car pulls up. As the sergeant gets out, the officer bombards him with the situation. He finally hands the sergeant the ticket he wrote me.)

Sergeant: *pointing to me* “So you wrote this for him?”

Officer: “Correct, sir.”

(The sergeant walks up to me. He says hi, and looks over the SUV.)

Sergeant: “I’m guessing I’m here because the greenhorn over there somehow made it through the academy.”

Me: “So, you see the problem with this, too?”

Sergeant: “I’ve heard of the problems this particular officer has been making. We’ve had a few complaints, too.”

Me: “Not surprising. But uh, can I leave? Or…”

Sergeant: “How about we have fun with this? Take your ticket over to Officer [Name], and tear it up in his face. Try to do it right in front of the squad car.”

Me: “I like you. A lot.”

(I did it too, and right in his face! The officer exploded when I did it, screaming and cussing at me like I was a loose convict. The sergeant let me leave. As I was getting back in the SUV I heard the sergeant yelling at the officer about how he can’t enforce other states’ laws. Judging by the officer’s look, he still didn’t understand.)

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