Should Have Stopped Himself

| Helena, MT, USA | Working | September 19, 2013

(I’m out driving, and I see there’s been an accident up ahead. There is a police officer on the scene. I slow down, and drive past, careful not to crowd anyone, when the officer waves me over.)

Me: *pulling over and rolling down my window* “Yes, officer?”

Officer: “Afternoon, miss. You are aware that you are required to stop at stop signs, correct?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Officer: “So, do you want to tell me why you didn’t come to a complete stop when you were going through that intersection?”

Me: “I didn’t see a stop sign, sir.”

Officer: “Well, I think you’ll find, if you look right over there—”

(The officer points back in the direction of the intersection. He stops short when he sees that the entire intersection is uncontrolled, with not a single stop sign in sight.)

Officer: “—there are no stop signs. Good eye. But remember for future reference!”

Me: “Yes, sir. For future reference, I will continue to stop at all stop signs! Thank you, officer.”

Officer: *somewhat embarrassed* “You’re welcome. You can be on your way, now.”

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The Speediest Way To Get Fired

| CO, USA | Working | September 12, 2013

(I’ve just received one of those automated speeding tickets that gets mailed to you at home. I’m about to pay online, when I notice a discrepancy. I call the number provided to ask about it.)

Me: “Hi, I received an automated speeding ticket, and was wondering if I had to pay it since—”

Helpdesk: “UGH! Yes you have to pay your tickets. That’s what you get for breaking the law.”

Me: “Yes, I understand how the law works, but this tickets says—”

Helpdesk: “LISTEN YOU LITTLE S***! YOU WERE SPEEDING SO PAY YOUR D*** TICKET!”

Me: “How about you transfer me to your manager now?”

Helpdesk: “FINE, BUT HE’S JUST GONNA TELL YOU THE SAME THING!”

(After a bit, during which I can hear the helpdesk worker complaining about me to the manager, he comes on.)

Manager: “Hello, I hear you are trying to rebuke a speeding ticket?”

Me: “I was, but apparently I’m ‘a little s*** that needs to just pay it.'”

Manager: *taken back* “Why on earth would you call yourself that?”

Me: “I don’t. The lady on the phone told me that before listening to what my reason was.”

Manager: “…you are not the first she’s said that to, and I promise that I will do what I can to help. What is the reason you are rebuking the ticket?”

Me: “Because I don’t think my car can reach 240 miles per hour.”

Manager: “Your car WHAT?!”

(After verifying the ticket and pulling it up to view…)

Manager: “No, there is no reason for you to pay this at all. Would you be willing to come in to sign a form? I can fax it to you if you can’t.”

Me: “Oh no that’s fine; it’s easier for me to come in than to fax it.”

(I go in and see a lady at the front desk.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here about a speeding ticket.”

Lady: “Oh, so you finally realized you’re being stupid and are going to pay?”

Manager: *out of nowhere* “NO! You’re going to personally void this man’s ticket, and then you’re going to pack up and get the f*** out of here for being rude to people!”

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The Long Line Of The Law

| FL, USA | Right | April 11, 2013

(I’m a police officer in full uniform. I stop in a local store and notice a loud customer ahead of me in the line.)

Cashier: “Sir, you haven’t paid for that. If you leave the store, it’s stealing.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! You did something with my card; you took my money! I’m leaving with this stuff.”

Cashier: “No, the order was cancelled for insufficient funds. You left to get another card; the whole order needs to be rescanned.”

(I realize that the loud customer hasn’t seen me yet. I excuse myself from the line, and move behind the irate customer as he starts mouthing off to the cashier.)

Me: “Sir, you need to calm down and let the lady do her job. She’s trying to help you as fast as she can.”

Customer: “Man, f*** you. Who the f*** do you think you—”

(He turns around to look at me, and immediately goes all sheepish.)

Customer: “Sorry, officer.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought so.”

(The customer calms down, and is out of the store in five minutes. It’s a shame that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.)

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Someone Needs To Get His Brain In Gear, Part 2

| Colorado, USA | Working | November 20, 2012

(I have just gotten pulled over by the police, but I’m not sure why.)

Me: “Is something wrong, Officer?”

Officer: “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Me: “Um, 38, I think?”

Officer: “And do you know what the speed limit is here?”

(I do know the speed limit, as I drive this stretch of road daily.)

Me: “40?”

Officer: *looks confused* “…Well, you have a nice day then!”

 

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Someone Needs To Get His Brain In Gear

| Hutchinson, MN, USA | Working | November 14, 2012

(Just as I’m coming down a hill, my car makes an odd noise and slows to a stop. I manage to get my car to the shoulder and try to get the gas going, but no luck. I see that there is a police officer nearby, so I put on the emergency flashers and go out to ask him if he can offer any kind of assistance.)

Me: “Officer, I—”

Cop: “You can’t park there.”

(I’m slightly baffled as to why he thought I am voluntarily parked there, as my emergency flashers are clearly on and I am visibly panicking and near tears.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not parked; my car broke down. I was just wondering—”

Cop: “You can’t park there. This is a parade route.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I had no idea there would be a parade. I was only passing through when my car broke down—”

Cop: “You’re going to have to drive it around that corner down there. There’s a parking lot a ways down.”

Me: “…Sir, my car broke down. I can’t drive it.”

Cop: “Well, you can’t park there.”

Me: *nearly crying, and getting angry* “Sir, I can’t help that my car broke down. I can’t drive it. I was wondering if—”

Cop: “Well, get in, start it, and put it in drive. You can’t be parked here. The parade’s coming through soon.”

Me: “Sir, I already told you, I can’t drive it. I hit the accelerator and it doesn’t go.”

Cop: “Well, you’ll have to move. I already told you you can’t park there.”

(Fortunately, a couple of wonderful gentlemen came by at that point, saw that I was panicked, and pushed my car a few blocks away to a parking lot where I could leave it until I could get a tow and a ride.)

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