Some Customers Can Be Truly Calculating

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I serve a family of five, and they leave a really generous tip. When I am cleaning their table, I find a napkin with notes:)

Notes:

“Waiter was smiling 2%
Menus given quickly +5%
Waiter accurately told approximate time to receiving food +5%
Allergen information +5%
Substitutes offered +5%
Asked about taste only once +5%
Wished a good day +2%”

(Yep. Some customers are really calculating their tips!)

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Totally, Like, Imperio

, , , | Right | May 26, 2011

(I want to walk into a retail store. There is a customer of my age (around 22) standing in front of the door. It won’t open for her.)

Customer:Alohomora!”

(The door opens as I walk closer.)

Customer: “Ha! Works!”

(She goes in and I follow her. This is a little store with not much space to wander around. A customer is trying to reach something on the highest shelf.)

Customer:Accio!”

(I shake the shelf a little so the item she wants falls into her arms.)

Customer: “Whoa! It really does work!”

(We proceed to the register, and she pays and leaves. I am in line behind her. When I get out of the store, she’s already there, standing by her car. A policeman is there, too, writing her a ticket.)

Customer: “Oh, but I really just went in for a minute! I didn’t see the sign!”

Policeman: “I’m sorry, miss, there’s nothing I can do. You broke the law by parking here.”

(The customer stares at him blankly, and then glances at me.)

Me: “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘Imperio’!”

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English And Polish And French, Oh My

, , | Right | May 25, 2011

(Our bakery in question sells the best cupcakes, muffins and American coffee in town. It attracts a lot of English-speaking clients. Therefore, all the staff speaks excellent English. I am standing in line behind an elegant woman in her mid-30s.)

Cashier: *in Polish* “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get you?”

Customer: *in French* “I’d like a coffee with milk, please.”

Cashier: *switching to English* “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t speak French.”

Customer *in French, appalled* “What?! I don’t understand! You’re talking to me in English!”

(She turns to other customers in line.)

Customer: *in French* “She’s talking to me in English!”

Me: *to the cashier* “I know French. Maybe I could help?”

I  turn to the customer.

Me: *in French* “I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe I could translate for you? What would you–”

Customer: *in French* “She’s talking to me in English!”

Me: “Yes, she is. She doesn’t speak French. Don’t worry, I can translate for you.”

Customer: “But we’re in Poland! And she’s talking to me in English! Isn’t that illegal?!”

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