The Church Is Hangry

, , , | Romantic | October 17, 2018

My boyfriend and I are a multilingual couple. My first language is English, his first language is French, and the first language that we started talking to each other in was Polish, in which we’re both semi-conversational. We’re both also studying each others’ first languages to improve our communication, and between our three languages have sort of calibrated our normal conversations.

We are planning on getting married next year, and our church requires a private interview with the priest in preparation for marriage. The priest doesn’t know either of us, and speaks English fairly well, but not perfectly, and doesn’t speak any French. Our Polish isn’t really up to the high-level vocabulary of the interviews, so it’s all in English. When we’re interviewing together, everything is fine.

When it’s my turn to interview alone, we have a few difficult moments where the priest phrases a question in a weird way or pronounces a word such that I have to ask for him to repeat it a few times for me to understand, such as, “Are you agree with the church teaching about XYZ?” But overall, it’s okay. As we end the interview, I tell the priest that my boyfriend might have a bit of difficulty understanding him if he speaks very quickly, and the priest says he’s realized that and promises to speak slowly.

I sit outside the office and wait for my boyfriend’s interview to be over. After about ten minutes, the priest opens the office door and asks me if I know another word for “permanent” in French. I tell him no, but offer my phone for Google translating. He shuts the door and the interview continues for a while.

When it’s over, my boyfriend explains that the difficulty was that he heard the question as, “Are you angry with the church teaching about marriage being permanent?”

He replied, “No.”

It took a fair amount of repetition for the priest to clear that particular question up, and I learned that my boyfriend has a lot of difficulty hearing the differences between, “agree,” “angry,” and, “hungry.”

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Dad Has A Few Grams Of Sense

, , , , | Related | June 20, 2018

Father: “No, you can’t get a big ice cream. You won’t eat it. You’ll get a small one.”

Boy: “But Daddy, a medium one, please.”

Father: “They don’t have medium — only big and small — so I’m getting you a small.”

Boy: “Mediuuuummmm, pleeeease!”

Father: *looks at the display next to the window saying, “small 120g 2PLN, big 200g 4PLN”* “One medium 120-grams ice cream, please.”

Boy: “Oh, thanks, Daddy!”

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These Boots Weren’t Made For Refunding

, , , | Right | June 11, 2018

(We sell hiking equipment and outdoor clothing. We have an online shop, also. A customer calls, trying to return a pair of hiking boots he bought online.)

Caller: “I would like to return shoes I bought last week.”

Me: “No problem. May I ask what’s wrong with them?”

Caller: “They’re too small!”

Me: “Well, you just need—”

Caller: *quickly interrupts* “—and I only walked a few kilometers wearing them!”

(I glare at my coworker in disbelief.)

Me: “In that case, we cannot accept this return.”

Caller: “What? They are not damaged or anything!”

Me: “Sir, our return policy states that you can return items only if they are in the same condition as when you bought them.”

Caller: “This is outrageous! How am I supposed to try them out?”

Me: “You can try them in the store or at home, in a clean environment.”

Caller: “But… they are just as new! It was just a few steps outside!”

Me: “Sir, I really cannot accept this return.”

Caller: “Well, I’m sending the boots to you, anyway! And I expect you to give me a full refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t do this, either.”

(This goes for a few minutes and then someone — wife or mother of the caller — shouts behind his back.)

Voice: “You bought too-small boots, wore them on hiking trip, and now you want to return them?! You idiot!”

Caller: *click*

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Unfiltered Story #106938

| Unfiltered | March 9, 2018

I take some medicines a specialist prescribed me. I fall sick and go to a general practice. Doctor prescribes me something.
Me: So you’re prescribing [medicine]. Is it okay to take together with [substance]?
(I take a generic instead of brand because brand medicine with my substance uses some additives which are generally helpful, but I’m allergic to them. Since generic name is quite bland, I refer to my medicines by substance name, which most doctors recognize).
Doctor: Yes, there’s no problem at all.
Me: Okay, thank you.
I buy the medicines and read the info sheet attached. And what do I read?
“Do not take together with [substance] or other [substance group]. May cause thrombosis.”

The Next Generation Is Finally Blooming

, , , | Right | March 2, 2018

Customer: “I need a bouquet of carnations and roses, in pink and orange, with one of these ‘final goodbye’ ribbons, for Friday morning.”

Florist: “Certainly. Do you want to pick it up here or have it delivered to the funeral?”

Customer: “I’ll pick it up here. It’s not for funeral; my son is graduating elementary school and it’s for his teacher.”

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