The Lights Are Out But Somebody’s Home

| Hartford, Connecticut, USA | Extra Stupid

(This is in the middle of a storm that knocked out the power of over a million people.)

Me: “[Company] plumbing and heating. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my hot water heater is broken.”

Me: “Okay, is it gas, oil, or electric?”

Customer: “Electric.”

Me: “All right. Because of the storm, I won’t be able to get there until tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I don’t have any lights and now I won’t get any hot water, either?”

Me:“I’m sorry. What do you mean you don’t have any lights?”

Customer: “My power’s out. Now you expect me to go without hot water too?”

Me: “If your water heater is electric, it isn’t broken. It won’t work if your power’s out.”

Customer: “So, fix it!”

Me: “I’m a plumber, not electrician.”

Customer: “So, give me another type of heater!”

Me: “Do you have a natural gas line or oil tank I could connect it to?”

Customer: “No, I have electric.”

Me: “If you don’t have oil or gas, what am I supposed to hook the new heater up to?”

Customer: “I don’t know! You’re the plumber. You figure it out!”

Pissed Off (And On)

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work as a plumber for a 5-star hotel. One day, I get a call from a guest with a clogged toilet.)

Me: “Ah, okay…there’s probably a bunch of hair clogged deep down in these pipes.”

Customer: “Well, can you get it out?”

Me: “Yep. One sec.”

(As I reach my hand down deep in the pipes with a rooter, I don’t notice the hotel guest turn on the water. It’s separately linked, and the water won’t activate unless flushed.)

Me: “Okay, let me see if I got it…”

(I try to pull up, but my hand gets stuck.)

Customer: “You got it?! Oh, finally! I’m going to test it out, thanks!”

Me: “No, sir, I haven’t linked the pipes back toge–”

(The customer sits down and immediately lets out a thundering fart along with a large dump of diarrhea, simultaneously flushing. My head and the entire floor are soon covered with turd and piss.)

Customer: “Oh my…well, I expect THIS to be complimentary!”

Busted Pipes

| Olathe, KS, USA | Top

(My dad is a plumber. One day while trying to fix a clog, he finds a whole bunch of condoms.)

Dad: “I found the cause of your clog. Next time, just throw away your condoms. They don’t dissolve, so it’s bad for the toilet.”

Customer: “But my wife and I don’t use condoms…”

(There’s an awkward silence as the customer mulls over what he’s just said.)

Customer: “I think I’ll be having a talk with my wife now.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic