Under An Umbrella Of Entitlement

, , , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(I work outside in a plant nursery and this particular day it has been bucketing down right since I woke up that morning. I am down at the info desk trying to dry off a bit when an middle-aged woman comes up.)

Customer: “You guys wouldn’t have any umbrellas to borrow, would you?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry; we don’t.”

(She looks at me as if I had offended her.)

Customer: “Well, why not?! It’s raining outside! How am I meant to get any plants!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We used to, but people kept stealing and walking out with our umbrellas so we’ve stopped now.”

Customer: *rolls eyes and sighs* “Well, that’s just an inconvenience. You really should have a couple of umbrellas!”

(She walked off and I went into the office nearby. Only a couple minutes later I walked out after drying up to see the same woman walking back into our store with her own umbrella from her car.)

Vegatarianiabilism

| Austria | Working | December 16, 2015

(We’re talking about what we’d do if faced with the decision between eating another human or death. Coworker #1 is a vegetarian.)

Coworker #1: “I’d rather starve. Eating another human is even worse than eating an animal. I wouldn’t do that.”

Coworker #2: “Don’t be so sure about that. I don’t think you can know how you’re going to react in such extreme situations until you actually are in them.”

Coworker #1: “No, I know I wouldn’t eat meat under any circumstances.”

Me: “Okay then. If we’re ever stuck in a bunker together, we’ll eat [Coworker #1] first. She’s going to starve to death anyway, so we might as well eat her before she gets too skinny.”

Cower Before My Shower Of Flowers

| Ontario, Canada | Right | April 17, 2012

(I am standing at the cash register of our store. A customer comes up and asks about our tulip bulbs, so I point them out and she goes over to them.)

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to help me count them out?

Me: “Sure, ma’am, how many would you like?”

Customer: “500, obviously. You can’t expect me to do that on my own!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am, I’ll help you for the moment.”

(As we reach the 200-tulip mark, three other customers finish their shopping and line up at the cash. I’m the only cashier, so I go to help.)

Customer: “Hey! Where do you think you’re going?! I don’t have 500 yet!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need to ring these people through. I’m the only cashier on duty. I can help you again once I’m finished.”

Customer: “You b****! You said you would help me, and now you want to back out? I can’t believe this!”

(Suddenly, the customer throws her bagged tulips onto the floor, scattering them everywhere. She then grabs handfuls of bulbs from the bin, throws them around the store, stands up, and marches out.)

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Pleased To Make Your Transmittance

| Austria | Right | May 6, 2011

Customer #1: “Oh, look! They’ve got cape gooseberries! I’ve got to get one!”

Customer #2: “Cape gooseberries? What are those?”

Me: “They’re the round orange fruits in a husk. They’re also called Physalis–”

Customer #2: “Oh! Syphilis! Yes, I know those!”

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No Brains And The Bees

| Maryland, USA | Right | June 16, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”

Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”

Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”

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