Ah, Marriage

, | | Right | May 27, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [pizza restaurant], would you like to hear about our specials?

Customer: “I was wondering if you could make your Delite pizzas in the family size.”

Me: “I apologize, but we only serve the Delite pizzas in the large.”

Customer: “… but I want the Delite in the family size.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the thin crust only comes in the large size.”

Customer: “I don’t want the large size! I want the family!”

(I hear her husband yelling at her in the background.)

Customer’s husband: “She already told you they don’t make it in the family size!”

Customer: “I know that. But I want the family size.”

Customer’s husband: “JUST GET THE LARGE!”

(The couple continues to argue for a minute or so before I interrupt them.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but is there something else we could get you?”

Customer: “NO! I DON’T WANT YOUR GODD**N PIZZA!” *slams down phone*

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Cue Dramatic Music

, | | Right | May 26, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I get you something else?”

Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!”

Me: “…”

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We Love You Too

, | | Right | April 17, 2008

(It was literally 3 minutes before closing time, and someone called us.)

Drunk Customer: “Ehhhhhh hello?”

Me: “Sir, we are at closing time.”

Drunk Customer: “Oh… well, can I have a large cheese pizza and a cheeseburger?”

Me: “Sir, it is closing time. We’re done for the day. And we don’t serve burgers.”

Drunk Customer: “Okay, can you just…uuuhhhhh…make me a pizza really fast then?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re closing.”

Drunk Customer: “COME ON! IT’S 10 PM, I’M HUNGRY, AND ALL I WANT IS A PIZZA!”

Me: “Sir, it’s 10:01. We are closed.”

Drunk Customer: *unusually calm* “Okay…I’ll go to McDonald’s.”

Me: “Good night, sir.”

Drunk Customer: “Good night…I love you…” *hangs up*

(Quite frankly, it made my day.)

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Pepperoni And A Side Of Dentures, Please

, | | Right | April 13, 2008

Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.”

Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Um…yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.”

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One Slice Short Of A Pizza

, | | Right | February 14, 2008

Customer: “I need 6 frozen pizzas as big as tires!”

Me: “I don’t think we sell pizza that big, sir…”

Customer: “Oh come on! I’ve got two flats and only one spare and I don’t wanna call a tow-truck!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that won’t work…”

Customer: “Fine! Be ridiculous! I’m going somewhere else! If Tom Slick could do it, why can’t I?”

Manager: “Holy crap! Sometimes I swear these idiots do these things on purpose!”

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