Won’t See A Single Slice Of That Refund

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work for a one location pizza shop. A woman calls and orders a pizza and a salad and spends around fifteen minutes ordering, price checking, and deciding on her personal pizza and salad. My driver returns and ten minutes after she calls.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pizza Shop] Pizza! Will this be for pickup or delivery?”

Woman: “Neither. I got a pizza from ya’ll and there’s a problem.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that! How may I assist you?”

Woman: “See, when I ordered, I thought ya’ll were [Chain Pizza Shop].”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Woman: “So, yeah, I don’t want this. Send the driver back with my money.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that.”

Woman: “Why not?”

Me: “I answer every phone call with our shop’s name. You ordered from us; we fulfilled your order. Our transaction is done.”

Woman: “I must not have heard you. I don’t want this, though.”

(This continues on in this manner for another few minutes while my driver is stand there watching me incredulously.)

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. I will not send my driver out with a refund. This shop has never been [Chain Pizza Shop], this phone number has never been associated with [Chain Pizza Shop]. There is not a [Chain Pizza Shop] for ten miles.”

Woman: “I want to speak with your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager.”

Woman: “I want speak with your supervisor.”

Me: “That’s me right now.”

Woman: “Well, who’s above you?”

Me: “That’d be our owner. He’ll be here at 11 am tomorrow morning.”

Woman: “What’s your name?”

Me: “My name is [My Name], ma’am.”

Woman: “Well, I’m going to call him and tell him how rude and unhelpful you’ve been.”

Me: “You tell him whatever you feel you need to, ma’am. Have a great night!”

A Sprinkle Of Stupidity

| Salem, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a pizza place that often allows customers to switch out ingredients, as long as they are not adding any extra.)

Customer: “I want the all meat with no sausage, add bacon, and add green pepper.”

Me: “Great, sir. We can take the sausage off, but unfortunately I can only add one other ingredient. You’ll have to choose which one you’d like.”

Customer: “What if I add bacon but only get a spritz of green pepper?”

Me: “You’d still be getting one too many.”

Customer: “What about a dash?”

Me: “Sir, the manner in which we apply the ingredient won’t make any difference.”

That’s The Way The Cookie Slices

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays

(My family runs a small pizza place. A nearby family has been regular customers for about ten years now. The phone rings Christmas Eve.)

Me: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

Regular Customer: “Oh, sorry, I entered the wrong code on speed dial. Have a nice night.”

(Five minutes later, she shows up with a plate of cookies! The phone call had been a ruse to confirm we were open that day.)

Regular Customer: “You always give us such great food. We thought we’d mix it up a bit.”