Won’t See A Single Slice Of That Refund

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work for a one location pizza shop. A woman calls and orders a pizza and a salad and spends around fifteen minutes ordering, price checking, and deciding on her personal pizza and salad. My driver returns and ten minutes after she calls.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pizza Shop] Pizza! Will this be for pickup or delivery?”

Woman: “Neither. I got a pizza from ya’ll and there’s a problem.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that! How may I assist you?”

Woman: “See, when I ordered, I thought ya’ll were [Chain Pizza Shop].”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Woman: “So, yeah, I don’t want this. Send the driver back with my money.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that.”

Woman: “Why not?”

Me: “I answer every phone call with our shop’s name. You ordered from us; we fulfilled your order. Our transaction is done.”

Woman: “I must not have heard you. I don’t want this, though.”

(This continues on in this manner for another few minutes while my driver is stand there watching me incredulously.)

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. I will not send my driver out with a refund. This shop has never been [Chain Pizza Shop], this phone number has never been associated with [Chain Pizza Shop]. There is not a [Chain Pizza Shop] for ten miles.”

Woman: “I want to speak with your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager.”

Woman: “I want speak with your supervisor.”

Me: “That’s me right now.”

Woman: “Well, who’s above you?”

Me: “That’d be our owner. He’ll be here at 11 am tomorrow morning.”

Woman: “What’s your name?”

Me: “My name is [My Name], ma’am.”

Woman: “Well, I’m going to call him and tell him how rude and unhelpful you’ve been.”

Me: “You tell him whatever you feel you need to, ma’am. Have a great night!”

A Sprinkle Of Stupidity

| Salem, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a pizza place that often allows customers to switch out ingredients, as long as they are not adding any extra.)

Customer: “I want the all meat with no sausage, add bacon, and add green pepper.”

Me: “Great, sir. We can take the sausage off, but unfortunately I can only add one other ingredient. You’ll have to choose which one you’d like.”

Customer: “What if I add bacon but only get a spritz of green pepper?”

Me: “You’d still be getting one too many.”

Customer: “What about a dash?”

Me: “Sir, the manner in which we apply the ingredient won’t make any difference.”

That’s The Way The Cookie Slices

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays

(My family runs a small pizza place. A nearby family has been regular customers for about ten years now. The phone rings Christmas Eve.)

Me: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

Regular Customer: “Oh, sorry, I entered the wrong code on speed dial. Have a nice night.”

(Five minutes later, she shows up with a plate of cookies! The phone call had been a ruse to confirm we were open that day.)

Regular Customer: “You always give us such great food. We thought we’d mix it up a bit.”

A Habitual Hazard

| Saratoga, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m throwing myself in for this one. I call in an order to a local pizza shop. They have a family special which gets you a large pizza and twenty wings. I also work at a chain pizza shop.)

Employee: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like the family special, please. Pizza just cheese, honey barbecue for the wings, and then another order of ten hot wings, extra saucy.”

Employee: “Okay, so the family special, cheese for the pizza, honey barbecue wings, and ten hot wings?”

Me: “Yeah. Anything else?”

Employee: “Wait, what?”

(We both pause, then immediately crack up laughing. I have just asked the woman taking my order if she wanted anything else.)

Me: *through my laughter* “Oh, my god, I’m so embarrassed! I work at a different pizza place and that was just habit!”

Your Tiredness Kept The Safe Safe

| Australia | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(I manage a pizza store, and go in at 10:30 pm to help close up. I am in my casual clothes and I’m completely exhausted. I go outside the store to use the bathroom when I am stopped by someone.)

Stranger: “Gimme the safe keys.”

Me: *groggy* “Safe keys?”

Stranger: “The f****** store safe keys!”

Me: “…safe keys?”

(The safe keys are in the store, but I am so tired I barely know my own name. Before the stranger can respond a coworker comes outside, and the stranger bolts.)

Coworker: “Who was that?”

Me: “That guy wanted safe keys… Wait, did that guy just kinda try to rob the store?”

(If the coworker hadn’t shown up, the stranger could have easily harmed me in my state. This is one of many reasons that you shouldn’t overwork your store managers!)

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