Politically Incorrect

| Fort Hood, TX, USA | Working | June 10, 2014

(This is a few days after the Fort Hood shooting when the president is in town to give a speech. The intersection where I usually turn when driving to work has been blocked off for security purposes.)

Me: “I wonder when they’re going to get rid of those cement blocks so I can go home the normal way.”

Coworker: “Probably after Obama leaves.”

Me: “I thought he was already gone.”

Coworker: “I don’t know. I don’t pay attention to politics. I don’t even know Obama’s last name.”

Me: “That’s a joke, right?”

Coworker: “No.” *pause* “Why are you guys laughing?” *longer pause* “Don’t tell me: Obama IS his last name!”

Pizza Pie Meets Pizza Fry

, | NJ, USA | Working | June 8, 2014

Me: “Can I have two plain slices of pizza and a side of fries?”

Waiter: “Sure.”

(I wait. He comes back, but with two slices of pizza with fries on them.)

Me: “Um…”

Waiter: “Is something wrong?”

Me: “I ordered two slices and fries.”

Waiter: “Oh, my god, I’m sorry!”

Me: “Don’t worry about it. Mistakes happen.”

Waiter: “You sure?”

Me: “I’m sure.”

(I am only able to eat one because it was filling, but it did taste great. Now whenever I get the same waiter, he makes sure I want my pizza and fries separate.)

Makes You Wanna Pop

, | Southfield, MI, USA | Working | June 2, 2014

(I work as a delivery driver for a major pizza chain. I have an exchange between me and one of the managers.)

Me: “We’re getting seriously low on pop in the cooler.”

Manager: “What about the pop cooler?”

Me: “We’re getting seriously low on pop. The cooler needs to be filled.”

Manager: “What’s wrong with the pop cooler? Is it broken?”

Me: “No! The cooler is fine! We are getting extremely low on ALL pop!”

Manager: “What do we need in the pop cooler?”

Me: “… Duck…”

Manager: “There should be plenty in the walk-in.”

Me: “… Duck? Seriously…?”

Manager: “Yeah, we’ll get it. Take your delivery.”

(A half hour later, after my return from a delivery:)

Manager: “Hey! The pop cooler is empty! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Too Lazy To Get A Pizza The Action

| England, UK | Working | May 29, 2014

(It’s a national holiday meaning that most places are either closed, or only open for a reduced amount of time. Unfortunately I am at work along with nearly 100 other workers. Because we are all working the holiday, my boss has offered to buy pizza for all of us. He asks me to call and arrange.)

Pizza Place: *all in one tone* “Hello. Welcome to [Pizza Place]. How may I take your order?”

Me: “Hi. I need to place an order for 10 pizzas, some snacks, and drinks. When do you think you could deliver that by?”

Pizza Place: “Sorry, we don’t have a driver today.”

Me: “Okay, I suppose I could arrange someone to leave work for a bit. When could I pick them up?”

Pizza Place: “Sorry. We are too busy to place an order of that size.”

Me: “What?! It’s 11:01am. You have literally just opened. How can you possibly be too busy?”

Pizza Place: “Sorry. We don’t have the staff today. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “Anything else? No, I don’t think so.”

(I give it five minutes. I ring again.)

Pizza Place: *all in one tone* “Hello. Welcome to [Pizza Place]. How may I take your order?”

Me: “Yes. Can I place an order for five pizzas for [First Name], for collection, please?”

(I ring again.)

Me: “Yes. Can I place an order for five pizzas for [Last Name], for collection, please?”

(I go to collect and the shop is empty apart from the staff. As I’m early and the pizza is a little late I’m there for a good 10 minutes. No customers come in and the phone doesn’t ring once.)

Me: “I’m here for a collection for [First Name] and a collection for [Last Name].”

Cashier: “Er, why didn’t you order them together? You would have got a discount.”

Me: “Apparently you were…” *I look around at the empty shop* “…too busy”.

Cashier: “You are the first customer we have had all day.”

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Living In Her Own Pizza Pie In The Sky

| UT, USA | Right | May 28, 2014

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Will this be for take out or delivery?”

Customer: “Hi. Um, can I get a large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, olives—”

Me: “Yes. I just need to know if you will be coming to pick this up, or if you would like to have it delivered?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The customer proceeds to order food without telling me if it’s for take-out or delivery which is info that we need to take the order. To make things worse just at that moment my computer freezes making it impossible to take an order.)

Customer: “… and I would also like to add a salad on to that order—”

(The customer continues to order food at light speed as I try to interject.)

Me: “Ma’am, I need you to hold on for a second.”

(The customer is completely oblivious to everything I’m saying, and continues to order.)

Me: “Miss, I need you to hang on for just a second. My computer froze and I am unable to take your order for a moment.”

Customer: ” Okay, I think that’s everything. How much will the total be?”

(I am completely dumbfounded by this woman.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I have to put you on hold. Hang on for one moment.”

(I put the woman on hold and notify my manager that one of the computers has frozen. I proceed to take the order on another computer but when I take the phone off hold I find that the customer has hung up. 15 seconds or so pass and the phone rings again. This time my coworker answers the call.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Will this be for take-out or delivery?”

Customer: “Hi. Yes. Um, I just called in and your phone person hung up on me. We had the order paid for and everything.”

(Never in my life have I dealt with a more oblivious person.)

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