Check And Mate

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Right | December 17, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. I ordered my pizza, like, an hour ago. It’s still not here.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. May I have your phone number so I can check your order?”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s [number]. Look, I’m really upset about this. My family is hungry. I expect you to send my order out immediately. I expect not to have to pay for it since it’s been over an hour.”

(At this point, my driver has walked in. It is a slow night. He is the only driver I have working. I put the customer on hold.)

Me: “Hey, man. Are you getting back from that run out to [customer’s street]?”

Driver: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “They’re on hold right now. They’re saying you never delivered their pizza.”

Driver: *rolls his eyes and reaches into his pocket* “Here’s the check they paid me with.”

(I get back on the phone with the customer. I verify her name, address, and phone number before confronting her.)

Me: “Ma’am. My driver just returned and handed me a check. It has your information on it and is written for the amount of your order. I also note that you didn’t even tip my driver.”

Customer: *long silence* “YOUR DRIVER IS LYING! I DON’T KNOW HOW HE GOT MY CHECK, BUT HE NEVER DELIVERED MY FOOD. I WANT IT NOW!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I’m afraid I can’t do that. Here’s the number to our corporate office if you’d like to call them about this.”

(As the customer hangs up, I hear her shouting to someone on her end of the line.)

Customer: “WHO’S THE IDIOT WHO PAID FOR THE PIZZA WITH A CHECK?!”

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An Old Hack And A Credit Card Hack

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Right | December 16, 2013

(A customer approaches one of my coworkers.)

Coworker: “Hi! Welcome to [Pizza Place]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to speak with your manager. NOW.”

(Being the manager, I step in.)

Me: “Hi. I’m the manager. How may I help you?”

Customer: “YOU’RE the manager? How old are you? 12?”

Me: “I’m 24, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: *sighs very loudly* “I have a problem. I think my daughter’s credit card was hacked or something. A charge that she doesn’t recognize showed up on the bill. This is the address that showed up for the charge.”

Me: “The address here actually covers the entire strip mall, sir; not just this store. We have a suite number. The name of the pizza place always shows up on our credit card charges.”

Customer: “My daughter and her mother are going to other stores to ask them about the charge. It would really help me if I could make sure the charge didn’t come from your store.”

Me: “I’d be happy to try to help you, sir. Can you give me the date and amount for the charge?”

Customer: “Sure. It’s [date and amount].”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t have any orders from that day that are for that amount.”

Customer: “Whoever stole her card number probably left a tip or something.”

Me: “Sir, we add the tip to the order in the system so we can give cash to our drivers at the end of the night. The total should match exactly.”

Customer: “Maybe you didn’t add it or something!”

Me: “Okay. If you’ll give me the last four digits of your daughter’s card number, I can check the batch report.”

Customer: “I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Can I just see the batch report so I can check for her card number?”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, sir. There are other credit card numbers in that batch report.”

Customer: “So? It’s not like I’m going to steal the card numbers or anything.”

Me: “I’m sure you wouldn’t, sir. But I still can’t show you the report. Since you won’t give me the last four digits of your daughter’s card number, I don’t think I can help you. I suggest you call the company that issued the credit card to dispute the charge. They should be able to remove it and issue your daughter a new card.”

Customer: “NO! I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR BATCH REPORT RIGHT NOW! MY DAUGHTER’S CARD WAS HACKED. I HAVE A RIGHT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t help you. You need to leave, please.”

Customer: “F*** YOU, B****!”

(The customer leaves after flipping me off. I call the cops. They find him screaming at another manager in a store several doors down. Ironically, it turns out the guy had several outstanding warrants for identity theft and credit card fraud!)

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Sub-Standard Sub-Service

| Fairfield, OH, USA | Working | November 30, 2013

(I am attending an event next door. I order a steak sub to go. I leave for a moment, and return just before my order is ready. The employee calls out my name. Before I can get to the counter another customer rushes up, grabs the bag, and walks out. The employee immediately disappears into the kitchen area. The customer comes back in with the sub unwrapped, slams it down on the counter, and yells.)

Customer: “I ordered BREADSTICKS! You ALWAYS mess up my order!”

(The employee looks at it, puzzled. I chime in.)

Me: “That’s because it was my order.”

Employee: “Oh.” *hands it to me* “Well, take it then.”

Me: “I’m not interested in taking a sandwich that another customer has already unwrapped and mangled.”

Employee: “If it was your order why didn’t you take it?”

Me: “She beat me to it. Shouldn’t you double check that it’s the right person grabbing the bag?”

(The employee sighs, and apologizes to the breadstick customer, but not to me.)

Employee: *wearily* “Now I’m going to have to re-make the sub.”
Me: “Well, yeah…”

(I’m starving, and also missing more of the event next door than I’d planned to miss just to grab a sandwich. The customer gets her breadsticks, with another apology, and leaves. Finally I get my sandwich; with no apology, of course. As I walk out, I hear the employee.)

Employee: “Geez, we made her sandwich twice and she didn’t even say thank you.”

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This Customer Can Go Truck Himself

| Boise, ID, USA | Right | November 18, 2013

Caller: “I want to order pizza. I’m f***ing hungry.”

Me: “Okay, let’s get your details. What’s your address?”

Caller: “Exit 49.”

Me: “Um, that’s not a complete address. Unfortunately, I can’t complete an order unless it has a complete address, due to the POS system that we have installed.”

Caller: “I’m in a f***ing semi, and I’m f***ing hungry. GET ME A F***ING PIZZA!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can not complete your order unless you have a complete address. Perhaps you could come pick it up instead?”

Caller: “Well, F*** YOU! I’m in a F***ING SEMI and I’m F***ING HUNGRY! There is no F***ING way I’m driving my F***ING truck all the way out there!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can not help you there. Besides, Exit 49 is outside of our delivery area. Have a good day, sir.”

(The caller hangs up immediately and I quickly inform my manager. The caller calls back less than a minute later.)

Caller: “I want to order pizza. I’m f***ing hungry!”

Manager: “Were you the one who called earlier, asking for a delivery to a semi?”

Caller: “YES! And the other chick wa—”

Manager: “She does not get paid enough to deal with a**holes like you, and frankly, neither do I. Have a good day!” *click*

 

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Their Jobs Are As Stuffed As Their Crusts

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | October 21, 2013

(Business has been slow lately due to the opening of another, candidly better pizza place across the highway, and I’ve got a pretty good idea that we’ll be going out of business soon. I go to talk to my boss about it.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], you know I see all the receipts when I close, so I’ve got a pretty good idea where we stand.”

Boss: “Yeah, it’s not been good lately. But we’ll pull through!”

Me: “Okay, but if we ever did have to close down, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know in advance. I won’t leave you in the lurch, and I promise to stick around to help you close out, but I’d like to at least have the warning so I can figure out my next move.”

Boss: “Sure thing. I’ll give you at least a couple of weeks warning.”

Me: “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

(Literally two weeks later, I get a call from a buddy at the comic book store next door.)

Friend: “Hey, what’s with the moving van in front of the pizza place?”

Me: “What? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.”

(I call the store. My boss answers.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], what’s with the moving truck in front of the place?”

Boss: “Oh, ah, well, after seeing the receipts for last night I knew we couldn’t keep going, so…”

Me: “So you managed to somehow decide to close down, go get a moving truck, and start taking everything out of the store all in the same day?”

Boss: “Um, yeah.”

(Irritated, I call up the other employees and we go down to make sure we get our final paychecks. The boss pays us in cash, and we part ways. A few days later, I get another call from my friend at the comic book store.)

Friend: “Hey, you should come down here. We’ve got a bunch of cops here looking for [Boss]!”

Me: “What?! Why?”

Friend: “Well, apparently when he moved out, he took the pizza oven and a bunch of other stuff with him, and they were on lease from [Pizza Chain’s] home office!”

(The pizza oven in question? It weighed over a thousand pounds and I was certain that it had no wheels. I have no idea how in the world he managed to get it out of there or who the heck would buy it!)

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