Listen For The Manager At The End

, | | Right | January 9, 2008

(I work at a well known pizza chain; let’s call it Daddy Jim’s.)

Customer: “I’d like a large sausage and ham pizza and a large Italian Meats Trio.”

Me: “Alright, your total is $**.**. We’ll have it out there in about 45 minutes.”

(An hour later as I arrive back from the delivery, the store receives a phone call from the same customer.)

Customer: “Yeah, hi. I ordered an Italian Meats Trio pizza, and you guys got it wrong.”

Me: “How did we get it wrong?”

Customer: “Well, it has sausage, ham, and some other sh*t on it.”

Me: “Is the ham kind of orange?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Is the sausage peppered and brownish-orange?”

Customer: “Uh….yeah.”

Me: “Is the other stuff salami?”

Customer: “Yeah! What the hell?”

Me: “Well, the orange ham is Italian ham, the sausage is Italian sausage, and you say there’s Italian salami.”

Customer: “Yeah, so what?”

Me: “That’s three Italian meats…Italian Meats Trio.”

Customer: “Well if I had known that, I wouldn’t have ordered a sausage and ham pizza too!”

Me: “Well maybe you should have some idea of what you’re ordering before you order it.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you guys tell me?!”

Me: “Because you ordered it. You didn’t ask about it.”

Customer: *click*

My Loud Manager: “F*cking morons! I hate this job!”

 

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With Great Pizza Comes Great Responsibility

, | | Right | December 30, 2007

(A hospital calls to order pizza.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling *****, would you like to try the Superhero Special?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Manager: “It’s an extra large, three topping pizza that comes with a coupon for the Spiderman 3 DVD.”

Customer: “…the pizza’s delivered by Spiderman!?”

Manager: *laughs* “Only if its delivered to the psych ward, ma’am!”

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Playing Along

, | | Right | December 26, 2007

Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”

Me: “Errr…no.”

Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”

Me: “Oh! Yes.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

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Lowest Common Denominator

| | Right | December 2, 2007

Customer: “I’d like a Chicken Kiev pizza, without chicken, garlic or sweetcorn. And throw some ham on there.”

Employee: “So, you want a ham pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah, why not.”

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Lesson 1: How To Scam A Scammer

, , | | Right | October 31, 2007

Customer: “I want this pizza for free.”

Me: “No cash, no pizza. I don’t care if you don’t eat or not.”

Customer: “Well, I know the owner of [Store] Pizza!”

Me: “Really? How do you know me?”

(Customer put his hand in his pocket and paid for the pizza. Note: I’m not really the owner of the store.)

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