Not Quite A Breath Of Fresh Air

, , , | Right | September 4, 2019

(I work in a popular pizza restaurant as a cashier. We offer pizza by the slice all day. Slices are our top sellers, and a slice pie usually doesn’t last in the warmer more than an hour or two; however, we will throw the slice of pie away after four hours, as per health code. This particular afternoon, shortly after opening, it is somewhat slow, and the phone rings so I answer it.)

Woman: “Hello, I was wondering if you had any fresh slices.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am! We offer slices all day!”

Woman: “Okay, but are they fresh?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do our best to ensure everything is fresh and up to standard, but I’ll double-check with the kitchen just to make sure.” *to my boss* “Hey, [Boss]! When was the last slice pie made?”

Boss: “I’ve got just a couple more slices left with this one, but it was made about 45 minutes to an hour ago. I’m about to start on the next one.”

Me: *back to caller* “All righty, ma’am, the kitchen says that the last slice pie was made about 45 minutes to an hour ago. The next pie will be ready—”

Woman: *suddenly screaming* “THAT’S NOT FRESH!” *click*

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This Story Has A Soggy Bottom

, , , , | Right | September 4, 2019

(I work in a mainstream pizza chain. I have already dealt with one person who flat-out lied and got caught trying to get free food. My policy is that if you want it replaced, you bring it back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Could I interest you in [current special]?”

Caller: “No, I need to speak to the manager.”

Me: “Speaking.”

Caller: “I was in there like ten or fifteen minutes ago and my pizzas are soggy. I come in there all the time.”

(I don’t recognize her voice or name at all.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that. If you bring them back, we would be more than happy to replace them for you.”

Caller: “I have to bring them back? I could just bring one and show you.”

Me: “No, you have to bring all three if you want all three replaced.”

Caller: “So, I have to put my four kids in the car and bring all three back?”

Me: “Well, were you just going to bring one and leave your kids home alone with the other two?”

Caller: “I used to work there. I know the f****** policy. I don’t have to bring it back. And you aren’t taking it. You can’t take food back over the counter.”

(I get her name. She’s never worked for me and she didn’t work for the manager before me. Honestly, I’m quite concerned that she’s cursing in front of her kids that I can hear in the background.)

Me: “Well, that’s nice, but you aren’t getting anything without bringing the product back, because the policy on replacements is manager specific and it’s been this way for almost a year now. And now you’re going to bring in your ID to verify who you are, because I just got off the phone with someone trying to scam food.”

Caller: “Well, if I bring it back, then I get new f****** pizzas and you aren’t f****** taking the old ones. I could just put those in the oven and crisp them up.”

Me: “Fine, but you’re still bringing all three back and bringing your ID in.”

(She hung up. I don’t know if she just wanted me to bend to her will or what. The replacement policy is done to lower the number of scammers, which it does. I told my co-manager to keep an eye out for the crazy lady with the soggy pizzas and four kids. She still hasn’t shown up.)

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Stupidity In Reverse

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2019

(I am working as a manager at a pizza store late at night, with just the delivery driver and myself working. The driver is out on delivery so I am on my own. I have a few orders to be picked up and I am walking out back when I see there is a car in the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Seriously, I have been waiting for ages; what took you so long?!”

Me: “Oh, my goodness! Sir, I didn’t know you were there! I didn’t hear the alarm go off.”

Customer: “Oh, I reversed in.”

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Phones: For Texting Back Whoever Just Called You After It’s Stopped Ringing

, , , | Right | August 30, 2019

(I deliver pizza at my second job. When I check on a delivery, the system prints out a receipt with the customer’s order, name, number, address, and any comments they’ve left. Usually, I’ll plug their address into Google Maps and get there with no issue, but sometimes that doesn’t work. Maybe they entered the address wrong online, the person taking the order phone misheard them, or something similar. Whatever the reason, I will call them from my cell phone to try to figure out where to go. I can’t tell you the number of times this has happened.)

Me: *arrives at the address on the receipt, realizes the address or room number is incorrect*

Me: *calls the customer from my cell phone, no answer*

Me: *scrambles for several minutes trying to figure out where to go*

Me: *knocks on door*

Customer: *opens door*

Me: “Hi, sorry I took so long. I wasn’t given the right address.”

Customer: “Oh, was that you who called? I wondered who that might have been.”

Me: *screams internally*

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Not A Lollipop Flop

, , , , , | Working | August 27, 2019

I work as a delivery driver with one of my roommates, and one day we are feeling particularly unwell. Both of us are hit bad with allergies and pain, and I am feeling especially grumpy because of a mix of losing my voice and working next to the oven. During a slow period after rush, I approach her while our manager is nearby.

I make a simple request for her to “end my suffering,” while her response is, “end mine first.” This is typical banter between us when we’re grumpy or sick. What I don’t notice is our manager wandering off, soon returning with a pair of lollipops that we normally give to kids who’re waiting with their parents.

He hands one to each of us, proudly declaring, “There you go! It’s taken care of!”

The best part is that he was right; after eating the lollipops, we both were in considerably better moods. Guess you really can’t deny your inner kid!

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