Much Too Chicken To Demand Too Much Chicken

, , , , , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I work in the hot foods section of a deli in a busy mall. I make the pizzas. I get an order from a customer who is notorious for returning and complaining about pizzas, in order to get free food. Towards the end of this night, our pizza oven isn’t working properly and it is cooking pizzas a little bit slower. After giving the customer his pizza and checking with him that it is all right, he returns no more than five minutes later.)

Me: “Did you need something, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh.. I don’t think the chicken on my pizza is cooked. I think it’s raw.”

Me: “That’s impossible; our chicken is actually precooked before we put it on the pizza. In fact, all of our meats are precooked.”

Customer: “No, no… It’s definitely raw.”

(I open the pizza box to have a look and the pizza is perfectly cooked.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but your pizza looks perfectly fine to me. I’d be happy to remake one for you, but unfortunately our oven isn’t working properly tonight and it may take 30 to 40 minutes for your pizza to cook. Would you mind waiting?”

Customer: “No, that’s too long. My kids are hungry. [Grocery Store] is supposed to be one of the best in Canada! This is ridiculous; I just want my pizza!”

Me: “Well, sir, your pizza is perfectly safe to eat. The chicken is cooked, if that’s all your concern is about. You can either take this pizza, wait half an hour for another one, or you can go to customer service and get refunded. Which would you prefer?”

Customer: “I just want a pizza.”

Me: *internally screaming* “Yes. Are you taking this one, or would you like to wait? Or would you prefer to speak with a manager?” *hoping the manager will get him to make a decision*

Customer: “I just want a pizza!” *stares at me for a moment* “Actually, get your manager.”

(I page for the store manager to come to my department. The manager comes up to me first to see what’s up, and I tell him what happened.)

Manager: *to the customer* “So, what’s the problem here?”

Customer: “My chicken isn’t cooked. I want a new pizza and she says it will take half an hour! I can’t wait that long!”

Manager: “Well, I can tell you right now that your chicken is, in fact, cooked. It comes to us already cooked. It comes from a bag, and they top your pizza with it.”

Customer: “Well, it’s raw!”

(I’m holding his pizza box and open it to show the manager.)

Manager: “There’s nothing wrong with your pizza; it looks perfect! In fact, there’s almost too much chicken.” *winks at me*

Customer: “Well, I don’t like the chicken. My kids wanted [Grocery Store]’s pizza.” *gestures towards the food court behind us* “They could have picked anything out there. What are you going to do to fix this?”

Manager: “Look, you can take this perfectly fine pizza, you can wait 30 minutes for another one, or we can refund you and you guys can eat elsewhere. Those are the only options; which would you like?”

Customer: “Well, the pizza is cold now!”

Manager: “[My Name], you can stick this pizza back in the oven for him, can’t you?”

Me: “Yeah, no problem! Five minutes and it will be nice and warm! Is that okay, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah… I guess. I’ll be back in five minutes.” *walks away*

Manager: “It’s one of those nights. He just wants free food. Your pizza looks amazing; I’ll actually take a slice of pepperoni!”

Me: “Yeah, we all know him over here. He’s notorious for returning and complaining.”

Manager: “Well, I know him now. He won’t be getting away with it anymore!”

(He ended up taking the pizza. I can’t wait until he comes back to complain!)

They’re About To Be Introduced To The Wonderful World Of Pizza

, , , , | Right | November 2, 2018

Customer: “I’d like a pepperoni pizza to go, please.”

Me: “What size pizza would you prefer, ma’am?”

Customer: “They come in different sizes?!”

Thou Shalt Not Steal Pizza

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2018

(I work at a pizza buffet restaurant. A family of about five comes in. The father talks to my manager, who is helping them as I’m doing something else.)

Father: “I have already eaten, so I’m only paying for the wife and kids.”

(I also overhear him ask:)

Father: “Is it okay for me to take a bite of salad?”

(My manager doesn’t seem to hear him, and he just goes about paying and they sit down to eat. After a while my manager catches him eating some salad and informs him that he cannot eat unless he pays, and he seems understanding. He is seen doing it again, and my manager informs him again, but this time he gets upset and comes up to the counter. The following conversation ensues:)

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Father: “Yeah, your manager is being stupid. Let me get a buffet.”

Me: “No problem, sir. Is that with a drink?”

Father: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

(He pulls out a silver metallic card with a Bible scripture on it — being Christian this gets me a bit upset. He tells me to swipe it.)

Me: “Well, sir, this has no chip in it, and I’m sure it won’t go through.”

Father: “No, no, that’s that silver card, bro. Swipe it.”

(I humor him and swipe it. Obviously, it doesn’t work, and I inform him of that.)

Father: “It didn’t go through, right?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Father: “So, I guess I don’t have to pay for it huh?”

(He walked off and went to sit back down at his table. I informed my manager of what happened and asked them to keep on eye on him. A few minutes later he told his family that they were leaving, and he made a scene as they left. He came in a minute later, grabbed two slices of pizza, and walked out. Apparently what he had eaten before didn’t fill him up, but he just didn’t want to pay.)

A Grumble Pizza

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]! How may I help you?”

Customer: *speaking slowly in a drunken, raspy grumble* “[Incoherent]… Burritos?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t actually have burritos here.”

Customer: “Aw… Subs?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry. We have pizza, wings, cheese sticks… Things like that.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(Long pause.)

Me: “Would you like some pizza today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeeeeaaaahhhh… What’s the smallest you have?”

Me: “That would be the small. It’s a ten-inch pizza.”

Customer: *grumbles slowly* “Ooohhhhh… I want sausage… pepperoni… and finely-chopped onions.”

Me: “Our onions are actually sliced into thin strips. Is that okay?”

Customer: *grumbles disapprovingly*

Me: *stifling laughter* “So, no onions, then?”

Customer: *low, raspy grumble* “Nooooooo… Throw some hot peppers on there.”

Me: “Jalapeños or banana peppers?”

Customer: *drunkenly* “Ba-na-na.”

Me: *stifling more laughter* “Anything else on there for you, sir?”

Customer: “Finely-chopped tomatoes.”

Me: “Our tomatoes are diced, so they’re in kind of cubes.”

Customer: *low, raspy grumble* “Cuuuuubes…”

Me: *trying not to burst out laughing at this point* “Will that be all for you today, then, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(I manage to get the guy’s phone number and delivery address.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total], and we’ll have that out to you in about 45 minutes.”

Customer: “What’s the price?”

Me: *repeats total*

Customer: *low, raspy grumble* “Ooooohhhhhhh…”

(One of our delivery drivers has been standing next to me during the whole phone call.)

Driver: *laughing* “I can’t wait to meet this guy.”

Unfiltered Story #123780

, , , | Unfiltered | October 23, 2018

(I was 8 years old, and my mom let me to order a pizza for the family.  It was my first time ordering, and I was excited.)

Voice: Hello?

Me: (in my child voice) Hi!  Can I have a medium cheese pizza delivered?

Voice: That is not funny!  You’re very immature, and you should be ashamed of yourself! (*click* The call is hung up.)

Me: (dazed) What did I do wrong?

(I contemplated calling my mom for help, but I was embarrassed that I’d made someone mad.  I tried again.)

Voice: Island Pizza, Andy speaking, how may I help you?

Me: Um, hi.  I’d like a medium cheese pizza, please.

Voice: Sure.  I have your address on our screen, here.  That’ll be 14.99.  You can expect it within 30 minutes.

Me: (More dazed) Really?

(I was in high school before I realized that I must have mis-dialed the first time.  Don’t assume child callers with odd requests are prank calling you; sometimes it really is just a wrong number!)

Page 4/80First...23456...Last