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Please Do Not The Sauce

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2022

I work at a pizza chain. We are on the opening Saturday shift, so there’s extra prep to do. On shift, we have me, [Coworker], and the only assistant manager (of four managers) willing to have [Coworker] on her shifts.

I’m the first to arrive; [Coworker] is set to arrive an hour after opening. It’s a slow morning, so everything gets set up pretty quickly. We leave [Coworker] with one task to do. Just. One (1). Task. He just needs to make two buckets of pizza sauce. It’s a “pour bag in bucket, add water, stir” kind of deal — not hard at all. It takes like five minutes per bucket even if you aren’t rushing.

[Coworker] comes in fifteen minutes late, even though he lives basically across the street. He’s on a video call, and he immediately clocks in and goes to sit around in the back as he usually does. We don’t care; there’s literally nothing else going on. We are a low-volume store covering the back ends of the actually busy stores in the area. We just need that sauce made and then we can play the waiting game until the lunch rush. 

I wait for him to finish with his phone call, which he does after like fifteen minutes, and tell him the one (1) job we have left for him — the ten-minutes-at-most task separating him from being able to sit around on his phone with actual managerial consent.

Coworker: “Can’t. Too sick to work.”

This was like early 2016, well before the health crisis. He certainly doesn’t seem sick, but of course, in the food business, I feel the need to ask why he showed up if he’s sick.

Coworker: “Because I want money.” 

Fair enough, everyone wants money. Still, I was not having this. 

I informed the assistant manager, and [Coworker] got sent home early. She would have fired him on the spot if she had the authority. I later got a call from the general manager asking if I wanted the early shifts next Saturday — the shifts [Coworker] was originally scheduled for. 

In the meantime, I got to be the only driver until like 4:00 pm that day, so ALL of those sweet sweet tips were now mine.

Mother Of Pizzas

, , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2022

My daughter was delivering a pizza and noticed a bumper sticker on the owner’s car that read “Mother of Dragons.” My daughter decided to be clever when the lady answered the door.

Daughter: “Valar Morghullis.”

The lady turned red and started laughing in response. Later, when my daughter told me this, I asked:

Me: “What? No ‘Valar dohaeris’ in reply?”

Daughter: “No. I wished she did… but I did get a very good tip.”

Sounds Like They’d Be Bugged By Anything

, , , , | Right | February 2, 2022

I work at a pizza place and people choose where they sit after ordering. It’s a hot summer, but many families choose to sit outside anyway. I’m working the register when a clearly frazzled woman comes in.

Customer: “I NEED A MANAGER!”

Me: “What’s the issue?”

Customer: “There is a roach on our table! Go kill it! It’s disgusting!”

I send my coworker to go kill it and we realize the family is sitting outside. He puts the roach in the dumpster area instead of killing it and comes back, irritated.

Coworker: “They really asked us to kill a roach… outside… on the GROUND?!”

Me: “I guess?”

Coworker: “She said the restaurant is ‘dirty’ and her family is never coming back. Good riddance.”

The restaurant had just opened four days prior. We don’t miss them.

So Quick You Artichoke-Up

, , , | Right | February 2, 2022

I work at a pizza restaurant with “Superfast” in the name. It’s usually laid back and we can take our time with the customers, but when there’s a line to the door we need to be, well, super fast. One day, it’s busier than normal, so we’re speeding through orders but still making sure to confirm with the customers that their pizzas are correct. Two older ladies come in together and each has their own pizza.

I am holding [Lady #1]’s pizza for her to see, which has no artichokes, and pointing to our veggies section, which has artichokes on display.

Me: “Anything else for you?”

Lady #1: “That’s all.”

Me: “All right!”

I put her pizza on the rack behind me and it goes into the oven. I turn to her friend, [Lady #2].

Me: “And how about for you?”

Lady #2: “I’ll take some mushrooms and artichokes and that’s it.”

As I’m finishing up the pizza and putting it on the rack, [Lady #1] mutters to [Lady #2]:

Lady #1: “I wanted artichokes; they’re too fast.”

Maybe They’re Just Bummed They’re Missing The Game

, , , , | Working | January 19, 2022

On the way to a friend’s house to watch a football game, I stop to pick up a pizza. I ordered in advance so it should be ready by the time I get there. I walk in, and the worker has multiple boxes open and is more or less flinging pizzas into them trying to get orders ready. This worker must not be having a good day.

Me: “Hi, I’m here to pick up a pizza.”

Worker: “Well, obviously. Do you know how many pizzas people have ordered today? Look at this! I’ve had forty-five pizzas ordered in the last ten minutes! It’s going to be a wait!”

Me: “Oh, I ordered ahead. My last name is [My Last Name].”

Worker: “Your pizza’s ready, but if you can just wait a minute so I don’t burn three other pizzas while I deal with yours…”

Me: “Take your time.”

I know game days are busy days, but talk about grouchy! I don’t know if there is supposed to be another worker who decided not to show or what, but don’t take it out on me! But I don’t want to say anything until I have my pizza in hand; I don’t want it thrown in the trash or spit on!

Finally, the worker shoves my pizza at me so hard I have to catch it.

Me: “Thank you very much. I’m sorry I had to order a pizza and absolutely ruin your day!”

I won’t be ordering game-day pizza from here again!