Transcending A**-Holes

| Worcester County, MA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Popular

(I have a night job cooking and driving deliveries at a pizza place. I’m a transgender woman; work knows this and they refer to me by my preferred name and pronouns and have no problem doing so, but for safety reasons (especially while taking deliveries) I dress and act more masculine than I normally would and do not pitch my voice up. One evening, a woman who is visibly transgender (i.e. most individuals would recognize that she is trans*) comes into the store and orders. I’m happy to see another trans woman, but out of respect for her (and not wanting to out myself) I don’t say anything and treat her like any other female customer. Two minutes later, a group of inebriated college aged men walk in the store likely on their way to one of the bars in town. I ring up their order, and then this exchange happens loud enough that I hear it at the pizza prep station behind the counter:)

Drunk Customer #1: *to his buddy* “Yo, is that a guy or a girl waiting over there?”

Drunk Customer #2: *staring obviously for a few seconds* “I think that’s a dude.”

Drunk Customer #1: “So he’s a drag queen?”

Drunk Customer #2: “Or a f***ing tr***y.”

(They both laugh, and the woman is beginning to look uncomfortable. I bring the gentlemen their food.)

Drunk Customer #1: *to me* “Hey, so, my buddy wants to know, why do you allow freaks like him—” *pointing to the woman* “—in the store?”

Drunk Customer #2: “Sorry, man. I know you probably can’t say anything because you work here, but I think between you, me, and the wall, you could admit that he is really f***ing creepy, right?”

Me: *putting a slight emphasis on the pronoun* “Did she say or do anything to either of you?”

Customers: “…”

Me: “I didn’t think so.”

(At this point I decide I can’t let this go any further…)

Me: “First of all, she’s a customer just like everybody else. More importantly, she’s simply being herself. That’s hard, especially when you go through part of your life living as somebody you’re not, and coming across individuals like certain people in this very store harassing you into going back to be that person you’re not because they’re transphobic.”

Drunk Customer #2: “Yo, dude, chill the f*** out.”

Me: *going into my female voice* “Or have to be somebody they’re not in order to stay safe at work.”

Customers: “…”

(I remove my knit hat and show my shoulder length, femininely styled hair.)

Me: *beaming from ear to ear* “Just so you know, I’m also transgender, or a tr***y as you like to refer to us as.”

(The two drunk gentlemen gathered up their food and bee-lined out the door. I apologized to the original lady, told her she has a trans sister in town, and we’ve been friends ever since. I figured my boss was going to be upset about the situation, but when I told him what happened he laughed and said those two drunk customers had always caused problems and he was glad I scared them away.)


Very Thin Listening Skills

| NJ, USA | Food & Drink

(When a customer calls to place an order, we have to ask what type of crust they want for their pizza if they don’t specify. This type of scenario happens all the time.)

Me: “And what type of crust do you want for your pizza: regular or thin and crispy?”

Customer: “Delivery.”

(I wish they’d at least pretend to listen.)


This Caller Is Special

| MD, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Store] in [Town]. This is [My Name]. Would you like to hear the specials today?”

Caller: “Is this the [Pizza Store] in [Town]?”

Me: “Yes…”

Caller: “Ya’ll got any specials?”


No MO Delivery

| MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geography

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Delivery or carry-out today?”

Caller: “Where are you located?”

Me: “We’re on [Street] near [Intersection].”

Caller: “No I mean WHERE are you located? Like, are you in Missouri?”

Me: “Uh… Yes, we are.”

Caller: “Are you next to a [Fast Food Chain with thousands of locations nationwide]?”

Me: “We’re across the street from a [Fast Food Chain].”

Caller: “Okay, you’re who I need. I want a pizza delivered to [Street I’ve never heard of].”

Me: “That address doesn’t seem to be in our area. What’s the zip code so I can look that up for you?”

Caller: “[Zip code I don’t recognize].”

Me: “I’m not sure where that is. What city are you in?”

Caller: “How do you not know that? It’s [City], Florida!”

Me: “Sir… I’m in Missouri.”


Me: “And I said yes.”

Caller: “So, you don’t deliver here?”


A Hot Slice Of Justice, Part 2

| Waterbury, CT, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work at a pizza place that has a delivery service that prides themselves on having your food to you in under an hour. When I enter an order in the computer, I need to click pickup or delivery because the computer charges a fee for delivery orders.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant] tonight! Will this be pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “I want two large [expensive pizzas].”

Me: “Certainly, will that be pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “I also want a medium all cheese with onions and half olives.”

Me: “Sure, will this be pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “I also want a garden salad with extra tomatoes.”

Me: “Sir, I need to know if you’d like pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “Can you read back my order?”

Me: Sure, did you want this for pickup or delivery? Two large [expensive pizzas]. One medium all cheese with onions and half olives. And one garden salad with extra tomatoes. It’ll be $53.50 for pickup, or $55.50 for delivery. Which would you like?”

Customer: “Perfect! This is John Smith, see you soon!” *hangs up*

Me: *sighs*

Coworker: “John Smith?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Coworker: “Today is Friday, it’s 4:30. He does this every week. He wants delivery, 123 Main Street. He refuses to tell us every time he orders because he can call and scream at us when it’s not delivered on time, and the manager will give him the order free ‘for the trouble.’”

Me: “Wow, thanks!”

Coworker: “No problem, I hate that a**-hole.”

(The order got to John Smith with time to spare. He had to pay, and had no reason to call and complain. Next Friday at 4:30, he didn’t call.)

A Hot Slice Of Justice

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