Pine Away

| CA, USA | Working | April 22, 2017

(It’s late on 4th of July, about 30 minutes before the pizza place is going to close. I have been doing Uber for several hours and ready to end it for the night and wanting to order to pick up on my way home.)

Employee: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Is this for dine in, carry out, or delivery?”

Me: “Order for pick up.”

Employee: *after getting my name and number* “What would you like to order?”

Me: “A small pepperoni and pineapple.”

Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we are out of pineapple tonight.”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Employee: “We are also out of chicken, green onions, and anchovies.”

Me: “Well, I’m not so sad about the last one but pineapple is kind of vital for my pizza…”

Sixty Degrees Of Strange

, | NJ, USA | Right | April 18, 2017

(I work at a very well known pizza chain answering phones.I get this call one night from a middle-aged female customer complaining about her delivery that she placed online. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [Pizza Chain]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got my order and you guys sent the wrong pizza.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. It says here that you ordered an XL-Brooklyn style pizza. Is that correct?”

Customer: *talking to someone in background* “Did you guys order a Brooklyn pizza?” *to me* “Yeah, we ordered a Brooklyn pizza.”

Me: “All right, that’s what we have here in your order.”

Customer: “Well, how many slices is that cut into?”

Me: “Brooklyn style pizzas are always cut into six slices.”

Customer: “Okay… But there are only two slices left.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “There are only two slices left!”

Me: “Did you eat the rest of the pizza and there are only two slices left?”

Customer: “No! There are only two slices left!”

Me: “Did you get the pizza with only two slices left in the box?”

Customer: “No! My son took two slices and his girlfriend took two slices, and there are only two slices left!”

Me: “Ma’am… if your son took two slices, and his girlfriend took two slices, and there are only six slices in total, there are only going to be two slices left…”

Customer: “Oh… okay. Thank you!” *click*

Me: “…”

(I wasn’t sure if that was a serious call or a very strange prank. One thing for sure: I never thought I’d had to explain elementary school math to a middle-aged customer…)

And To Topping It All Off

| ON, Canada | Right | April 14, 2017

(It’s a busy Friday night so four of us are stationed by the phones solely taking phone orders for takeout and deliveries.)

Me: *picks up the phone* “Hi, [Pizzeria]. how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a 12 slice pizza. One half with meat, one half veggies.”

Me: “Sure, what kind of meat and veggies, sir?”

Customer: “Meat. And. Veggies.”

(We have too many options to list on the phone for both. There’s four lines in use at this moment and probably customers waiting with a busy signal.)

Me: “Yes… but it’s easier to tell us what kind you want, sir.”

Customer: “I. Want. Meat. And. Veggies.”

Me: *notices my coworker on line three has finished with her customer, so I quickly put him on hold* “[Coworker], I’m having trouble figuring out what this guy wants on line two.”

Coworker: *picks up the phone* “Hello?”

(Goes through the ordering process, like I did. I’ve taken five other phone calls about 15 minutes later, and she’s still on the phone with the same customer.)

Coworker: *increasingly annoyed* “Is… that… all, sir? Have a good day.” *hangs up, and then glares at me* “Twice. I went through every topping we have on the menu… I even went through weird requests like pickles and lettuce. Twice. He said the ordering process was too difficult. He just wanted ‘meat and veggies.’ If he calls back… he is YOUR problem!”

(Luckily, he never called back.)

Pajama Drama, Part 3

| OH, USA | Right | April 13, 2017

(I manage a local pizza shop that offers either take-out or dine-in. Unfortunately, we don’t usually have anyone using the dine-in area, but we do occasionally have two or three large parties that come in at once and fill up the dining room. On one of these evenings, a woman comes in to pick up an order. Everything goes as usual until she gets ready to walk out.)

Woman: *leans over counter to stage whisper to me* “So, am I going to receive some financial compensation?”

Me: “Uh. What would you be needing that for, ma’am?”

Woman: “Well, I came out and got this food because I didn’t feel like cooking or anything. I specifically ordered from this location because there is usually no one here except employees, and I didn’t feel like changing clothes, so I wore my pj’s. I need to receive financial compensation because your dining room is full of people, and they all saw me in my pj’s.”

Me: “Uhm. Good luck with that, ma’am. Here’s the number for our complaint line. Have a nice day.”

(She looked slightly confused and disgruntled, but took the number and walked out. Never heard anything else about it, so I assume she either never called, or they laughed her off the phone.)

Pajama Drama, Part 2
Pajama Drama

It’s The Anchovy Pizza That Gave It Away

| Thomasville, GA, USA | Right | March 27, 2017

(I am a pizza delivery girl. There is this one nice old lady who orders three times a week. She lives out in the middle of nowhere and her house is always a pain to get to. She always tips the exact same $1.25. This delivery takes place the day before a hurricane came through and it’s not pretty outside. When I get to the house and knock on her door. I do not see her cat like I usually do.)

Customer: “Did you see my cat, dear?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I did not see him today. The weather isn’t great; he’s probably just scared and hiding.”

Customer: “All right. just keep an eye out as you back out of here.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

(I watched for the cat. Never saw that cat. It was incredibly busy that day and I was the only driver scheduled as no one else was willing to brave the weather and come in. Every time I walked in the store, I walked out with no less than three deliveries. The next time I walked in my manager told me about the lady calling asking if I stole her cat. I said no I did not see that cat. I went on four more deliveries. I came back about 30 minutes later, the manager telling me she called three more times, demanding he check my car for the cat that she just knew I stole. This crazy lady called seven times in all. The last time she swore she would never order again. After three days my general manager called her to ask if she found her cat. She had. It ran off because of the storm. She offered no apology to me, hung up on my manager, and has never ordered again.  It’s now a running joke anytime my three cats leave paw prints on my car that I must have stolen that cat or if someone doesn’t tip that I will steal their pet. Everyone at work got a kick of this one.)

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