You’ve Eclipsed Their Knowledge Of The Subject

, , , , | Working | October 23, 2017

(I’m working on dishes with a coworker as we wait for our orders to be ready to go out on delivery. This takes place about two weeks before the big solar eclipse in 2017.)

Me: “My wife and I are driving to Tennessee that day, to be in the line of the total eclipse.”

Coworker: “What time is the eclipse?”

Me: “It’s supposed to be around 2:30.”

Coworker: “Is that am or pm?”

(He never figured out why I was laughing so hard.)

It’s Like Talking To A Vegetable

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I am a second year university student working the front counter of a popular pizza shop late one night.)

Customer: “I want a meat-lovers pizza but without the meat.”

Me: “Ma’am, that would just be a cheese pizza, which you can order for half the price.”

Customer: “No, I want a vegetarian meat-lovers pizza. Just take the meat off and leave all the veggies.”

Me: “There are no vegetables on this pizza. Perhaps I can interest you in our veggie-lovers pizza instead?”

Customer: “Are you dumb?” *speaking extremely slowly* “I… want… a… vegetarian… meat-lovers… pizza.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. One veggie meat-lovers.” *places order for veggie-lovers*

(The veggie pizza is given to the customer.)

Customer: “See, what was so hard about that? Maybe you should listen to your customers more. We obviously know the menu better than you dumb dropouts.”

When It’s For Pizza Don’t Ask Why

, , , , , | Working | October 18, 2017

(My friends and I order pizza for delivery and it gets to us pretty quickly. Because my friend used her debit card, the pizza guy says:)

Pizza Guy: “I need your driver’s license number.”

Friend: “Why?”

Pizza Guy: “Ma’am, it’s the company rules, not mine.”

Friend: “Okay, why?”

Pizza Guy: “Ma’am, I have no choice. This is what they tell me to do.”

Friend: “No, I understand, but my driver’s license starts with the letter ‘Y.’”

(You could see the light bulb go off when he got it, but I blame her, too. He was cool, though, and laughed hard at himself. She actually gave him a decent tip for the laugh!)

They Must Be Special

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza House]. Would you like to hear about our current specials?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All righty, then, will this be a pick-up or delivery order?”

Customer: “Do you have any deals going on right now?”

There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch… Oh, Wait

, , , , , | Friendly | October 14, 2017

Many years ago, I had a weekday off from work. I was out running some errands, and I swung by an ATM to get $10 to pay for lunch at a cash-only pizza place with a great lunch buffet. I had a great lunch; I even saw an old acquaintance from high school waiting tables and it was nice to say hi. I finished my errands, went home, and had a relaxing afternoon and evening.

The next day I was at work, and I decided to go out to lunch again. I checked my wallet to see how much of my $10 I had left over, which would determine where to go and what to get for lunch. I had the whole Hamilton in there, and nothing else. It took me a minute to put together what I had done. I’ve never been back to that pizza place.

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