Creating Your Own Problems

, , , , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(It’s very busy at our restaurant due to a one-day deal. I’ve been either the only one or one of two people on till, and we are just finishing up with the post dinner rush.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering what goes on the create-your-own pizza?”

Me: “You get to choose your own toppings.”

Customer: “No, I know, but what goes on it?”

Me: “Well, it has sauce and cheese, and then you get to pick what else you want on it.”

Customer: “Okay. But what—”

Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, never mind; I don’t want the pizza.”

Customer: “No, you do. We’ll get one with chicken, bacon, and olives.”

(They later demanded a refund because they wanted pasta, not a pizza.)

A Hot Slice Of Christmas

, , | Right | December 25, 2017

(It’s Christmas Eve. We’ve closed extremely early and aren’t taking anymore orders. I’m here cleaning the dishwasher as my manager is counting the til. We’re the last twp to leave. The phone rings:)

Me: *picks up* “Hello, this is [Pizza Place].”

Customer: “Hi, can I get…” *lists off 15 food items before I can say anything*

Me: “Unfortunately, madam, we closed early for Christmas Eve.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! Your website says you’re open until 11 pm!”

Me: “Yes, but because of Christmas Eve, we closed at seven.”

Customer: “Well, you’re still there, so make my d*** order!”

Me: “I can’t. The ovens are off, as are the fryers. Plus I’m not qualified to use either of them.”

Customer: “F*** you! You ruined my family’s Christmas!” *click*

Me: *puts the phone down and walks over to my manager* “Apparently I ruined Christmas because that lady isn’t getting her intake of pizza.”

Manager: “Well, merry f****** Christmas. The beer is on me!”

Not As Ashamed As A Mother Who Uses Her Daughter To Scam

, , , , , , | Right | December 21, 2017

(I am a cashier at a pizza place in the mall food court. A woman is in line with a child, about ten years old. They order their food and the woman sits down at a table, leaving the child to pay.)

Me: “That will be $17.50.”

Child: *hands me $2*

Me: “I still need $15.50.”

Child: “Okay, hold on.” *she walks over to the table and comes back with another dollar*

Me: “I still need $14.50 more. Can you please go get your mother to come pay?”

Child: *walks to the table and tells her mother something*

Mother: *gets up and storms over to the cash register* “You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to scam her! She is a child!”

Me: “Ma’am, your meal is $17.50. She handed me $3.”

Mother: “This is bulls***! I’m never coming here again! You should be ashamed!” *grabs her daughter and storms off*

In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You

, | Bronx, NY, USA | Right | December 14, 2017

Throwback Thursdays

THROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s the wildest experience you’ve had with the police while at work? Let us know in the comments!


(The phone rings.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Pizza… Oh, f***, not again.”

(She hangs up. A few customers come and go, and the phone rings again.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Piz— f*** this!”

Customer: “Hey, lady, problem with the phone?”

Cashier: “Some sicko keeps calling from a blocked number and making creepy comments.”

Customer: “Hang on. I gotta go find my friend.”

(He pays and leaves… and comes back with a 6’8″ NYPD police officer.)

Police Officer: *with a minor Russian accent* “I hear you’re having a problem with a caller?”

Customer: “No, no. Do the accent! Make it f***in’ scary!”

Police Officer: *in a deeper voice with a thick accent* “Excuse me. I hear you have problem with caller?”

(The cashier explains. The police officer orders a slice of pizza, and he and his friend sit and chat for a few minutes. Then the phone rings.)

Cashier: “It’s a blocked number!”

Police Officer: *on the phone, with the accent* “Hello…. You are thinking my body is what? I am thinking your body probably very fragile. Very easy to— Oh, he hung up.”

(They stare at the phone a few minutes.)

Customer: “Problem solved?”

Cashier: *to customer* “So… is your buddy there single?”

Police Officer: *in accent* “Boris have many women. All are love him!”

Customer: “You’re married and your name isn’t Boris!”

Police Officer: “Boris is name of accent. Has life of its own.”

See this story as a comic!

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Ahhthentically Dense

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work at a pizza place. I take a call. I’m not sure if the caller is drunk or high, but there is no getting through to him!)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant] on [Street]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?

Caller: “Yes, I have a coupon for the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir.” *verifying this is a delivery and getting the address* “What would you like on that?”

Caller: “That’s what I want. The ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir, and what toppings would you like on that pizza?”

Caller: “That’s what I want, the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a pizza; that’s our slogan.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “What would you like on your pizza?”

Caller: “I want the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s not a pizza; that’s our slogan. What would you like on your pizza?”

Caller: “Yes, I want the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Sir, what does the coupon say?”

Caller: “It says a large three-topping ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza for [amount].”

Me: “All right, sir, and what three toppings would you like?”

Caller: “I want [three toppings], and I want a cheesy bread and a two-liter drink.”

Me: “All right, sir, your total is [total].”

Caller: “Why is it so much? The coupon is for [price on coupon]!”

Me: “Yes, sir; the coupon is only good for the pizza. The cheesy bread is [amount], the two-liter drink is [amount], and the delivery fee is [amount].”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

(Some people shouldn’t be allowed access to phones, or be left alone without intelligent adult supervision.)

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