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Codeword For Stupid

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Food & Drink

(I deliver pizzas. Customers in apartment buildings would often forget to tell us what their security code was. This happened on a busy Saturday night before I had a cell phone.)

Me: *calling from a nearby pay phone* “This is the driver from [Pizza Restaurant]. I need your security code.”

Customer: “We’re at [Address].”

Me: “Okay. I need to know the security code.”

Customer: “We’re in [Apartment Number].”

Me: “I still need the security code so I can let you know when I arrive.”

Customer: “Maybe you don’t know where the front of the building is?”

Me: “I know where the front of the building is. I need to know what numbers to push when I get there.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s [code].”

(I arrive at the apartment a minute later and buzz the apartment. The customer emerges from an apartment a few doors down from the entrance.)

Customer: “It’s about time. What took so long?”

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Trying To Make Cents Of His Math

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(I work as a pizza delivery man and have just knocked on the customer’s door.)

Customer: “Hello.”

Me: “Good evening! Your total will be $25.90.”

(I exchange the pizzas for two $20s.)

Customer: “Just give me $15 back.”

(Thinking he was going to use the ones or a five as a tip I hand him the $15 he requested back only to have the door closing on my face.)

Me: “Excuse me, you still owe $0.90!”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you gave me $40 on a $25.90 order and asked for $15 back. I assumed you had change to give me since you would still owe the $0.90.”

Customer: “Oh! Sorry, here take a dollar and keep the change.”

Me: *completely fake smile on my face* “Thanks. Have a great evening.”

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Transcending A**-Holes

| Worcester County, MA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Popular

(I have a night job cooking and driving deliveries at a pizza place. I’m a transgender woman; work knows this and they refer to me by my preferred name and pronouns and have no problem doing so, but for safety reasons (especially while taking deliveries) I dress and act more masculine than I normally would and do not pitch my voice up. One evening, a woman who is visibly transgender (i.e. most individuals would recognize that she is trans*) comes into the store and orders. I’m happy to see another trans woman, but out of respect for her (and not wanting to out myself) I don’t say anything and treat her like any other female customer. Two minutes later, a group of inebriated college aged men walk in the store likely on their way to one of the bars in town. I ring up their order, and then this exchange happens loud enough that I hear it at the pizza prep station behind the counter:)

Drunk Customer #1: *to his buddy* “Yo, is that a guy or a girl waiting over there?”

Drunk Customer #2: *staring obviously for a few seconds* “I think that’s a dude.”

Drunk Customer #1: “So he’s a drag queen?”

Drunk Customer #2: “Or a f***ing tr***y.”

(They both laugh, and the woman is beginning to look uncomfortable. I bring the gentlemen their food.)

Drunk Customer #1: *to me* “Hey, so, my buddy wants to know, why do you allow freaks like him—” *pointing to the woman* “—in the store?”

Drunk Customer #2: “Sorry, man. I know you probably can’t say anything because you work here, but I think between you, me, and the wall, you could admit that he is really f***ing creepy, right?”

Me: *putting a slight emphasis on the pronoun* “Did she say or do anything to either of you?”

Customers: “…”

Me: “I didn’t think so.”

(At this point I decide I can’t let this go any further…)

Me: “First of all, she’s a customer just like everybody else. More importantly, she’s simply being herself. That’s hard, especially when you go through part of your life living as somebody you’re not, and coming across individuals like certain people in this very store harassing you into going back to be that person you’re not because they’re transphobic.”

Drunk Customer #2: “Yo, dude, chill the f*** out.”

Me: *going into my female voice* “Or have to be somebody they’re not in order to stay safe at work.”

Customers: “…”

(I remove my knit hat and show my shoulder length, femininely styled hair.)

Me: *beaming from ear to ear* “Just so you know, I’m also transgender, or a tr***y as you like to refer to us as.”

(The two drunk gentlemen gathered up their food and bee-lined out the door. I apologized to the original lady, told her she has a trans sister in town, and we’ve been friends ever since. I figured my boss was going to be upset about the situation, but when I told him what happened he laughed and said those two drunk customers had always caused problems and he was glad I scared them away.)

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Very Thin Listening Skills

| NJ, USA | Food & Drink

(When a customer calls to place an order, we have to ask what type of crust they want for their pizza if they don’t specify. This type of scenario happens all the time.)

Me: “And what type of crust do you want for your pizza: regular or thin and crispy?”

Customer: “Delivery.”

(I wish they’d at least pretend to listen.)

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This Caller Is Special

| MD, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Store] in [Town]. This is [My Name]. Would you like to hear the specials today?”

Caller: “Is this the [Pizza Store] in [Town]?”

Me: “Yes…”

Caller: “Ya’ll got any specials?”

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