A customer orders a pizza that comes with feta, cheese, tomatoes, and prawns on it.

Customer: “I don’t want any feta on the pizza.”

Done deal, lady. The pizza goes out with everything but the feta. However, all pizzas have a light sprinkle of mozzarella cheese.

Customer: “What’s this? Is this cheese?!”

Waiter: “Yes, that is mozzarella.”

Customer: “Take it back! I can’t eat cheese at all! I’m a vegan!”

Waiter: “Shall we remove the prawns, as well?”

Customer: “No! Those can stay!”

Waiter: “…of course, ma’am.”

A new pizza was made for her with no murderous cheese whatsoever, yet still including prawns.

I work for a pizza place. I’m a driver mostly, and I’m also a shift leader when needed. I’ve been doing this for seven years.

This morning, I have a customer call in a plan-ahead order a couple of hours in advance for a party at a local park. No problem; the order is only five pizzas, and it is close by.

My driver takes the order, and I get a phone call from the customer. I look up at our tracking screen and see that the driver just left the park. I’m expecting a complaint.

Customer: “I feel bad because your driver never gave us a receipt; she just dropped the pizzas on a table and left without saying more than ‘hello’. I tried waving her down, but she didn’t notice. I wanted to leave a tip!”

Me: “You can still tell me what you’d like to add, and I can have it adjusted.”

She is so nice and sweet and feels so bad.

Customer: “Please add $16.”

Fast forward to my driver returning. The front door opens, and the first thing I hear is my driver yelling and complaining.

Driver: “I got stiffed on that order!”

This driver has been a huge pain for the last few weeks, and she’s already on my last nerve.

Me: “Shut up.”

I point to the adjustment for the tip.

Me: “Why didn’t you give the customer their receipt? It’s no wonder you didn’t get a tip there.”

Driver: “There’s [health crisis], so there’s no point.”

Me: “The order wasn’t even ‘no contact’.” Even then, you still have to give the customer their copy of the receipt.”

My driver gave horrible service to someone who was the nicest person I’ve had as a customer in a long time. That was the most undeserved tip I’ve ever seen. I honestly debated removing the tip, but there was a risk of the customer seeing it, so I left it.

I work as an assistant manager at a local pizza place that has been around for many years but is struggling due to a bad location. Because of this, we only have two to three employees on shift at a time, tops — and this in a place where we make every single ingredient fresh every day!

I’m in the office and I hear some raised voices coming from the front counter. I come out to find this thirty-ish-looking guy in baggy clothes yelling at my coworker, a sweet little short girl, because he had come in asking to apply for a job and she had gotten him a job application.

Guy: “B****, I didn’t want to actually apply for a job! I wanted you to sign my unemployment paper so I can say I applied here!”

Coworker: “Sir, if you could just fill out the application first with basic information, then we can—”

Guy: “I’m gonna come across the counter and fix your attitude!”

He is literally doing that as I walk around the corner. He is trying to come around the counter to grab her; he must have figured she was alone as the restaurant is empty right after lunch hours.

It takes me about half a second to physically jump in front of this guy’s face and block the opening and another half a second to decide to put fists up, too, because this guy has “assault” written all across his face. Part of me is like, “Oh, God I’m terrified,” but there is no way I’m going to let this happen in front of me, even though I’m about twenty-one years old and one hundred pounds lighter than this guy!

As my coworker frantically explains what is happening and this dude is spitting insults at me, too, the only thing I can think to tell the guy is:

Me: “Sir, you can either fill out the application, which I would be happy to sign for you, or you can leave right now, in which case the cops she’s calling right now may catch you by the time they arrive.”

He left ASAP, but not before telling my coworker he’d “see her around town.” We called the police and, because my coworker saw his name on his unemployment form (he had it out the whole time), they ended up seeing him around town a lot sooner!

Customer: “How many pieces are in a large?”

Me: “Eight.”

Customer: “How many pieces are in a medium?”

Me: “Eight.”

Customer: “…?”

Me: “…?”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. How can it have the same number of pieces as a large? Well, I guess we’ll be taking a medium, then, haha!”

They smirked and remarked about they were cheating the system.

Related:
A Hot Slice Of Stupid

I accidentally cut a customer’s personal pizza into four pieces instead of six.

Customer: “No! You did it wrong!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can—”

Customer: “It’s only four slices now! That’s not enough to feed me!”