Have You Ever Sausage A Bad Vegan Before?

, , , , , | Right | March 21, 2019

(I’m a manager at a new pizza franchise in town. On a busy afternoon, we’re sending out every delivery driver we have and trying to call more of them in to handle the workload. During the rush, an employee tells me that a customer on the phone has demanded to speak to a manager.)

Me: “Hello, sorry for the wait. What seems to be the trouble?”

Customer: “MY PIZZA HAD SAUSAGE ON IT!”

Me: “Oh? Can I get your name so I can pull up the order?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer]. We didn’t order sausage; we’re vegan!”

Me: *pulling up the info* “Oh, no! That’s terrible. Let me just see what you ordered, and if you like, I can have a new pizza out to you shortly. Our policy states that you’d just need to hand over the erroneous pizza when the delivery driver gets there.”

Customer: “Well, we ate the whole thing! How am I supposed to return it now?!”

Me: “You ate the…”

(I’m wondering why they’d have eaten an entire large pizza if it was topped with meat that they couldn’t have, when I see the woman’s order in our system. She had specifically asked for sausage as a topping.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, our system indicates that you ordered sausage as one of your toppings. Is it possible the cashier misheard your order?”

Customer: “No… I ordered sausage.”

Me: “I see. Well, ma’am, if you ordered sausage, and ate the whole pizza, I’m afraid I can’t refund your money or give you a free pizza. I can make a note that you’re to get 10% off your next order, if you like, but unfortunately that’s the most I can do.”

Customer: “What?! But it was meat! We can’t have meat!”

Me: “I understand that, but you ordered the sausage AND ate the whole pizza.”

Customer: “Because we were hungry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there isn’t anything more I can do for you. You’re welcome to speak to the business owner, though. He’ll be here [Date and Time] if you’d like to file a complaint.”

Customer: “FINE!” *disconnects*

(The boss ended up giving the customer a $5 off coupon instead of the 10% off option I offered, but that’s it. I’m still not sure what the customer expected when she ordered a mushroom and sausage pizza…)

Drunk Guys Will Pay Anything For Pizza

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2019

(My grandpa once told me a story from when he delivered pizza. One night, he had an especially big order to a house in the suburbs. When he arrived, there was a party in full swing and lots of talking and music. After he knocked on the door, this happened.)

Grandpa: “Hello, order of pizza!”

Drunk Man #1: “Oh, [Someone Else] has the money! Hold on!”

([Drunk Man #1] stumbles away, leaving the door open. As [Grandpa] stands there waiting, another drunk guy wanders by.)

Drunk Man #2: “Oh, you the pizza guy?”

Grandpa: “Yep.”

([Drunk Man #2] pulls out a twenty and hands it to him, then wanders off. Unsure what to do, Grandpa stands there, waiting for the rest of the money. Then, another drunk guy walks past.)

Drunk Man #3: “Oh, pizza’s here!”

(Grandpa gets another twenty and [Drunk Man #3] wanders off. Still waiting, more drunk men wander past the open door, some more than once, and each time they hand him money. Not wanting to get into it with the drunks, Grandpa just politely takes the money. Finally, the first guy gets back.)

Drunk Man #1: “Okay! Here’s the money for the pizza and here’s a tip!”

(He hands Grandpa two twenties for the tip.)

Grandpa: “Oh, actually…”

(The guy slammed the door shut. After a minute, Grandpa just got back in the car and counted out all the “tips.” It totaled almost $300!)

No Such Thing As Free Pizza

, , , , | Working | March 17, 2019

(I’m going into the pizza place to pick up the pizza my mother ordered for carryout. I have the money to pay for it in my hand.)

Employee: “Hello. You picking up?”

Me: “Hi. Yes, I am.”

Employee: “All right. Name, please?”

Me: “[My Name].”

(The employee goes and picks up the pizza, which HAS the receipt poking out of the box, and hands it to me.)

Employee: “Okay, have a nice weekend!”

Me: *confused as I hold the cash up* “Uh, don’t you want me to pay for this?”

Employee: *deer in headlights look* “Oh, my God. You have no idea how glad I am that you pointed that out.”

Me: *hands him the money* “Heh. Yeah, and I had the receipt, too.”

Employee: “Yeah, thanks for pointing that out to me. I really appreciate that. Have a nice night!”

Me: “Thanks. You, too!”

(I legit could’ve walked out of there with free pizza with a receipt as legal “proof” saying I’d paid. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t at least think about it, I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t want free pizza? That said, I figured he might get in trouble for it.)

I’ll Have A Black Hole Pizza With A Side Of Nothing

, , , , , | Working | March 2, 2019

My girlfriend and I and our flatmate decided to pop in for a pizza. It was a quiet night, and we decided to eat in. A round of drinks was ordered and delivered, and a pizza was ordered. Then came the waiting…

And the waiting…

After about thirty minutes, in a quiet restaurant, only three other tables occupied, still no pizza. We called over a staff member and asked politely about the whereabouts of our meal. He said that he would look into it.

Five minutes later, he returned to our table to tell us that our pizza was “lost”! Apparently, somewhere between the kitchen and our table, our pizza had mysteriously vanished into another dimension or something. It may have made its way to the pizza buffet instead of being delivered to our table as ordered. That’s cool — mistakes happen — so he tells us that another pizza is being made and will be delivered as soon as it’s ready. Meanwhile, more drinks are ordered, and we are told that our pizza will be free of charge.

Fair enough, mistake made, rectified, compensation of free pizza, and we’re in no hurry, so we settle down and wait…

And wait…

And wait some more…

Another twenty minutes pass, which is a long time to wait for a pizza that is being made especially for us to replace the earlier lost pizza, so again, we inquire politely of our waiting staff, paraphrasing Oliver Twist, “Please, Sir, may we have some?” A look of horror crosses his face, and he beats the well-worn path to the kitchen.

He returns very swiftly, and sadly empty-handed. He comes straight to the point and says, “I don’t really know how to tell you this, but we’ve lost your second pizza!” He then tells us that a third pizza is being made for us, and that he is going to physically stand next to it, and that as soon as it is ready, he will personally grab it, and deliver it to us.  

Which he does. It’s taken over an hour for one pizza to be successfully delivered the twenty or so feet from the pizza oven to our table! As he delivers the pizza, he is accompanied by the manager of the restaurant. The manager apologises for the apparent black hole in his kitchen, and asks that at the end of the meal we ask for him at the counter.

So, we eat, finally, and at least the pizza is fresh and hot, and quite tasty. After the meal, we go up to the counter and ask to see the manager. The manager comes out to us and apologises again. He asks the cashier for our bill, which he then just tears in half, chucks in the bin, and thanks us for not being d**ks about it.

Still not sure where the pizzas went!

Weaponizing Murphy

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2019

(I work in a pizza store, and we do takeaway, eat-in, and delivery. On this night I am working up the back on prep and taking orders over the phones, while [Coworker] is up the front taking orders and waiting tables. It has been rather quiet for a Thursday, and in a free moment, I walk up the front to drop off some cutlery. All of the six tables are clear at the moment, and no customers are waiting for takeaway.)

Me: “It’s been rather quiet for a Thursday, hasn’t it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, it has…” *realises what I just said* “Oh, no, you didn’t.”

(I start grinning, as this is always the easiest way to get a rise out of them, and turn towards the back. Some customers then walk in to sit down. [Coworker] glares at me.)

Coworker: “You did this. You’re not allowed to talk anymore.”

(I just chuckle and make my way back to the phones. When I look to the front again a moment later, there are even more customers entering the store, and [Coworker] is making a rude gesture towards me below the bench so customers don’t see. It takes me a moment to see it, but when I do, I laugh out loud. We end up going from empty to fully seated in the space of 15 minutes. Later, when [Coworker] is dropping dishes up the back:)

Coworker: “I hate you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry!”

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