Thou Shalt Not Steal Pizza

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2018

(I work at a pizza buffet restaurant. A family of about five comes in. The father talks to my manager, who is helping them as I’m doing something else.)

Father: “I have already eaten, so I’m only paying for the wife and kids.”

(I also overhear him ask:)

Father: “Is it okay for me to take a bite of salad?”

(My manager doesn’t seem to hear him, and he just goes about paying and they sit down to eat. After a while my manager catches him eating some salad and informs him that he cannot eat unless he pays, and he seems understanding. He is seen doing it again, and my manager informs him again, but this time he gets upset and comes up to the counter. The following conversation ensues:)

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Father: “Yeah, your manager is being stupid. Let me get a buffet.”

Me: “No problem, sir. Is that with a drink?”

Father: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

(He pulls out a silver metallic card with a Bible scripture on it — being Christian this gets me a bit upset. He tells me to swipe it.)

Me: “Well, sir, this has no chip in it, and I’m sure it won’t go through.”

Father: “No, no, that’s that silver card, bro. Swipe it.”

(I humor him and swipe it. Obviously, it doesn’t work, and I inform him of that.)

Father: “It didn’t go through, right?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Father: “So, I guess I don’t have to pay for it huh?”

(He walked off and went to sit back down at his table. I informed my manager of what happened and asked them to keep on eye on him. A few minutes later he told his family that they were leaving, and he made a scene as they left. He came in a minute later, grabbed two slices of pizza, and walked out. Apparently what he had eaten before didn’t fill him up, but he just didn’t want to pay.)

A Grumble Pizza

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]! How may I help you?”

Customer: *speaking slowly in a drunken, raspy grumble* “[Incoherent]… Burritos?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t actually have burritos here.”

Customer: “Aw… Subs?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry. We have pizza, wings, cheese sticks… Things like that.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(Long pause.)

Me: “Would you like some pizza today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeeeeaaaahhhh… What’s the smallest you have?”

Me: “That would be the small. It’s a ten-inch pizza.”

Customer: *grumbles slowly* “Ooohhhhh… I want sausage… pepperoni… and finely-chopped onions.”

Me: “Our onions are actually sliced into thin strips. Is that okay?”

Customer: *grumbles disapprovingly*

Me: *stifling laughter* “So, no onions, then?”

Customer: *low, raspy grumble* “Nooooooo… Throw some hot peppers on there.”

Me: “Jalapeños or banana peppers?”

Customer: *drunkenly* “Ba-na-na.”

Me: *stifling more laughter* “Anything else on there for you, sir?”

Customer: “Finely-chopped tomatoes.”

Me: “Our tomatoes are diced, so they’re in kind of cubes.”

Customer: *low, raspy grumble* “Cuuuuubes…”

Me: *trying not to burst out laughing at this point* “Will that be all for you today, then, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(I manage to get the guy’s phone number and delivery address.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total], and we’ll have that out to you in about 45 minutes.”

Customer: “What’s the price?”

Me: *repeats total*

Customer: *low, raspy grumble* “Ooooohhhhhhh…”

(One of our delivery drivers has been standing next to me during the whole phone call.)

Driver: *laughing* “I can’t wait to meet this guy.”

Unfiltered Story #123780

, , , | Unfiltered | October 23, 2018

(I was 8 years old, and my mom let me to order a pizza for the family.  It was my first time ordering, and I was excited.)

Voice: Hello?

Me: (in my child voice) Hi!  Can I have a medium cheese pizza delivered?

Voice: That is not funny!  You’re very immature, and you should be ashamed of yourself! (*click* The call is hung up.)

Me: (dazed) What did I do wrong?

(I contemplated calling my mom for help, but I was embarrassed that I’d made someone mad.  I tried again.)

Voice: Island Pizza, Andy speaking, how may I help you?

Me: Um, hi.  I’d like a medium cheese pizza, please.

Voice: Sure.  I have your address on our screen, here.  That’ll be 14.99.  You can expect it within 30 minutes.

Me: (More dazed) Really?

(I was in high school before I realized that I must have mis-dialed the first time.  Don’t assume child callers with odd requests are prank calling you; sometimes it really is just a wrong number!)

Not Even Bordering On Being Close To The Border

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(A lady orders two pepperoni pizzas and her total comes out to $10.82. She hands me a ten and then pulls out Canadian coins for the change.)

Me: “Sorry, I can’t accept those as payment.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because this isn’t Canada?”

Customer: *argues with me saying it shouldn’t matter* “—you should accept them; some b*stard here gave them to me so you should have to take them back!”

(We aren’t allowed to argue with customers so I just stand there and repeat that I can’t accept her coins. Eventually she pulls out 82 cents then takes her order and throws her Canadian coins in our tip jar. My manager looks at me after she leaves and asks:)

Manager: “She does realize Canada is 1500 miles north of here, right?”

Never Before Has So Much Pizza Bought So Much Unhappiness

, , , , , | Right | October 9, 2018

(I am a shift runner at a popular pizza chain store. A customer comes in to preorder ten pizzas from our $12.99 pizza range. She demands a 50% discount because it is a large order. My manager refuses to give her such a large discount, so the customer storms off in a huff. A few days later, a preorder for ten of our $12.99 pizzas appears in our ordering system with a 50% discount applied to it. My manager freaks out and calls the customer to tell her there has been a mistake. Unsurprisingly, it is the lady who was in earlier demanding a discount. My manager informs her that she cannot give her a 50% discount and that the customer will be charged $12.99 per pizza. The customer begrudgingly agrees to pay the full price. The customer arrives to pick up her order on a Saturday at six pm. This is one of our busiest times, so the store is packed.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up an order for [Customer].”

Coworker: “Fantastic. That comes to $129.90.”

Customer: “What the f***? Are you f****** kidding me? I was told I was getting a 50% discount became it is a large order. Get me your f****** manager, you stupid little b****!”

(My manager appears to talk to the customer.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I told you in person and over the phone that you would be charged $129.90.”

Customer: “You lying little b****! When I called your store to place this order, I was told I would get a discount! This is fraud! This is false advertising! My daughter is a lawyer and I will sue you! I will close this place down!”

Manager: “Ma’am, please calm down. You’re making a scene in front of all these other customers. Do you want your order, or would you like to leave?”

Customer: “I have a house full of kids for my grandson’s birthday! I don’t have time to get anything else. Give me my f****** order!”

Manager: “That will be $129.90.”

(The customer hands over her credit card and pays, all the while swearing and telling my manager she will sue the company.)

Customer: “I am only paying for these because you didn’t give me a choice. F*** you all! I am going to [Competitor] from now on, and you will be hearing from my daughter!”

Manager: “That’s fantastic. Now get out of my shop and never come back.”

(The lady stormed out with her order. It turns out she had tried the same thing at our sister store and failed. When she called to place the order at our store, she had made sure the manager was not there, and then berated one of my fifteen-year-old coworkers until she gave her the discount. Luckily for us, she is now our competitor’s problem.)

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