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Thankfully Didn’t Drone About The Time Zone

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2022

I work in a pizza place that is near a state border. The two states are in different time zones — thirty minutes apart.

A man comes in one day and stands around waiting, not approaching the counter. This isn’t unusual; I figure he made an online order and is just waiting for us to call out his name and say it is ready. After a little bit, he starts getting annoyed and eventually comes up to the counter.

Customer: “Where is my order? I did a timed order to be ready at 5:30, and I have been waiting here for fifteen minutes and it is still not ready!”

Me: “Sir, it’s only 5:15.”

He looked a little embarrassed after that and explained that he was from across the border, so his watch was set to the other time zone. Hopefully, he didn’t have somewhere urgent he needed to be, or he might have been thirty minutes late!

How To Cut Through The Complaints

, , , | Right | November 9, 2022

Caller: “I just got a pizza from you and I need to complain; you didn’t cut the pizza all the way! What are you going to offer me for compensation?”

Manager: “We’ll send someone out straight away, ma’am.”

She was not happy when I turned up with just a pizza cutter!

Haven’t We Destroyed Pizzas Enough?

, , , , , | Right | November 4, 2022

I work at an Italian restaurant as a waitress.

Customer: “You got my order wrong!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, ma’am. What is wrong with your order?”

Customer: “I ordered a Hawaiian pizza, and this isn’t a Hawaiian pizza! The toppings are all wrong!”

It has diced tomatoes, pineapples, and ham, exactly what the menu states. I explain this.

Customer: “What are you talking about? These are yellow! Pineapples are orange!”

Confused, I get my manager.

Manager: “Ma’am, pineapples are quite yellow, not orange, but if you don’t like it, you can order something else on the house.”

Customer: “No, I want this but with the right pineapples.”

She starts explaining what they look like. She completely describes oranges.

Me: “Wait, do you mean oranges?

Customer: “No, pineapples!

She starts describing oranges again. At this point, I take my phone out, look up oranges and pineapples, and show her. She points at the oranges and yells at the top of her lungs:

Customer: “Yes, those! I want those.”

My manager told her we did not have those and that she could either pick something else or eat what she had. She left.

Pause That Pamplemousse Posthaste!

, , , , , , , | Right | November 3, 2022

I work for a major pizza company as a delivery driver. The pizza company owns the cars, they own the insurance on the cars, and there are certain procedures that must be followed when an accident occurs, no matter how minor.

One day, I’m out delivering pizzas. Traffic gets bad, and I’m forced to stop. The Pamplemousse behind me stops way too close to my car. I signal to change lanes. The Pamplemousse behind me changes lanes and stomps on his gas, clipping my car.

It’s not a lot of damage, but there is now a dent on my company car, so I must follow procedure. First, I call dispatch and let them know. Then, I call the police. The police decline to report to the scene, and 911 lets me know that it’s okay for me to leave the scene.

I return to the pizza place. They’ve already started remaking the pizzas that I had taken out for delivery. I “dock” my car to the relevant Bluetooth connection and upload the videos between the relevant timestamps from the cameras. By the time the videos are done uploading, the pizzas have been remade.

I drive back out to deliver the pizzas, hot and steaming fresh. When I get to the first customer’s house, I notice something odd. His car is a bit dinged up, and it looks fresh.

I knock on the door, and a somewhat cranky-looking man answers.

Man: “I sped all the way home. I even got into a traffic accident to get here in time, and you arrive late!”

This was my Pamplemousse from earlier.

Me: “I’d be happy to take down your complaint.”

I felt a sort of smug sense of satisfaction as I walked him through reporting his complaint on the official corporate recorded line.

As far as I’m aware, the company’s insurance company got their money from his insurance company. Probably. They certainly didn’t take any of the damages out of my paycheck, and that’s what’s important.

I still see pizza deliveries occasionally pop up going to his address, but I have not yet had the personal pleasure of taking one to him and seeing how he’s doing.

A Little Pizza Justice

, , , , , , , | Right | November 2, 2022

All week, we’ve been getting daily — if not hourly — prank calls from a boy who sounds like he’s about twelve. After the first few calls, we learn to recognise the number, so we pick up and hang up straight away to keep the phone clear. At a slow moment in my shift, I get tired of the calls and decide to actually answer.

Me: “Hi, this is [Pizza Place]. How can I help you?”

I hear barely suppressed laughter.

Caller: “Hi. I want to place an order.”

Me: “Certainly, for delivery?”

We don’t do delivery.

Caller: “Yes, I want 100 large pepperoni pizzas!”

My, oh, my, aren’t you hungry?

In the meantime, I’m looking up the number in our order list, and I get an address. Bingo!

Me: *In a completely friendly tone* “Of course, sir. For such large orders, our couriers can’t take the money or carry change. But we can bill you through your phone bill. I have your address as [Address], and the bill will be sent to you automatically. Thanks for ordering!”

I hang up.

They call back within ten seconds and keep trying for at least five minutes. I just let it ring.

Then, I get a call from a different number, so I answer.

Me: “Hello, this is [Pizza Place]. How can I help?”

A crying kid is audible in the background.

Caller #2: “Hi. My son called you and placed an order for 100 pizzas?”

Me: “Oh, hi! Yeah, don’t worry about that. No order was placed and no bills were issued. I just wanted his constant prank calls to stop.”

Caller #2: “Figured…” *In a fairly loud, mock/sarcastic voice* “Well, I guess the bill will have to come from his little piggy bank, then. Too bad he was saving up for a bike but bought pizza, instead.” *Whispering* “Sorry about all that. It won’t happen again.”

Right before they hung up, I could hear the child crying his lungs out.

We got no more prank calls from that number. Sweet justice!