One Born Every Five Minutes

, , | Right | October 2, 2019

(My coworker and I have just closed the shop and are mopping up, ready to leave. I have already put all the food away and closed both of my tills when a woman walks up and tries tugging on the door and then starts screaming.)


(I look at the clock to make sure and see that we are indeed closed.)

Coworker: *motions towards the back, signaling we are closed*


(She proceeds to get in her car and start honking and flipping us off as she drives away.)

Coworker: “Does she think doing that is going to make us open for her?”

1 Thumbs

The Ninja Turtles Need Their Pizza

, , , , | Working | September 30, 2019

(I’m at home, waiting for pizza delivery. I live on the second floor. The apartments in my building are all above ground level with dark wooden doors with knockers. Downstairs is a basement for each apartment, with white doors with large numbers down a dark and dingy hallway. Right around the time the pizza should arrive, I hear someone enter the building and go downstairs, and then a loud pounding. There’s a pause and then more pounding. I look outside and see a car with the pizza place’s logo. Figuring this delivery person must be new and got confused, I go downstairs and find her in the basement.)

Me: “Hi! I think that’s my pizza. Are you looking for apartment three?”

Delivery: “Yes. This is number three.” *points at basement door*

Me: “Yeah, that’s the basement for number three. The apartment is actually upstairs.”

Delivery: “But this is number three.” *knocks again*

Me: “It’s the basement for number three. My apartment is upstairs. The receipt says it’s for [My Name], right? Pepperoni and green pepper?”

Delivery: “Yes, but this is number three.” *finally starts to walk towards me*

Me: “Right, it is, but it’s the basement. The apartments are upstairs.” *quickly grabs and signs tip and receipt* “Thank you!”

Delivery: *as she is walking away* “But that was number three…”

1 Thumbs

Unfiltered Story #168406

, , | Unfiltered | September 27, 2019

(I’m sitting at home waiting for my mother to call me when i recive another call from a number i don’t know.)
Caller: Hi, this is (Name) from (Pizza shop). I can’t seem to find your adress, i’m able to find (Random number) but not (number he was looking for).
Me: Uhm, i beleive you have the wrong number man. i’m sorry about that
(Pause for a moment)
Caller: Oh s***, i do. my bad man. Sorry for the inconvinice.
Me: It’s cool man. have a nice night.
Caller: you too man.
(I laughed for a while after the call, you wouldn’t believe how many times this happens)

Unfiltered Story #167637

, , | Unfiltered | September 23, 2019

A few years back I worked at a pizza place as a delivery driver. Some guy calls to complain that the toppings on his pizza are wrong. It should be noted it was an ONLINE order for a pepperoni pizza. I walk in from a delivery and see a coworker, who is normally very polite and calm, obviously aggravated. The store is dead so I pick up the phone and listen.

Coworker: I do apologize for that sir if I could have the phone number you used with your order I’d be happy to help.

Customer: you don’t need my number just get me a new pizza.

Coworker: OK sir if I could just get your phone number so I… (customer yells string of profanity and slams phone down terminating the call) know where to send your pizza(sounding utterly defeated)

Me: rough day?

Coworker: that’s the second time he’s called.

Phone rings, look of panic washes over her face.

Coworker: thank you for calling pizza place…

Customer: where’s my damn pizza? I want to talk to a manager.

Coworker: one moment please I’ll go get him.

She explains that the guy won’t give her his phone number.

Manager: thank you for holding this is manager how may I be of assistance?

Customer: you can start by firing that rude bitch and then you can get me a free pizza.

Manager: alright can I have your phone number please?

Customer: yelling and screaming like a 2 year old

Manager hangs up

Me: if he calls back I got this.

Sure enough phone rings

Me: thank you for calling pizza place…

Customer: I demand to speak to the owner.

Me: this is he

Customer: y’all done screwed my order up and I want you to fix it.

Me: OK in order for me to fix it I need to look the order up what’s the phone number

Customer: gives number

Me: OK sir I see you ordered online what seems to be the problem?

Customer: I ordered a sausage, bannana pepper(not a topping we have ever offered)mushrom pizza and I got pepperoni.

Me: well sir I apologize but the order I’m looking at is for a pepperoni.

Customer: well then y’all screwed up taking my order.

Me: I see so you’re saying you ordered sausage bannana peppers and mushrooms and it got jumbled up on the internet?(not possible)

Customer: yes

Me: not pepperoni?

Customer: damnit give me corporates number you’re to stupid to conduct business.

Me: I’m very sorry sir but I don’t have that information howevever it is available on our website.

Customer: well how the hell am I supposed to know what your website is(once again its an online order)

Me: how’d you order?

Customer: I used the websi… Just give me the number that you would call if your store caught fire


Customer: well what’s the rest of it?

Me: sir if this building catches fire I’m doing what any American that graduated first grade would do dial 911 and hope the fire trucks get here fast.

Customer: you getting smart with me

Me: well I do consider myself intelligent so even though I know you are lying since we don’t nor have we ever offered bannana peppers I will personally deliver your pizza

Customer: you got 15 minutes hangs up

Heading to his house my cell rings he had called back to complain some more.

Knocks on door

Customer: well its about damn ti…

I guess now is a good time to mention I’m a 6 foot 5 240 pound Marine he’s like 5 foot 4 maybe 130 pounds sporting a mullet

Me: listen here cock stain if I ever have to come out here cause you tried to pull a stunt like this again I will force feed the entire pizza to you rectally using these size 14s as leverage while my employees take turns water boarding you with Sierra mist do I make myself clear?

To my knowledge he still orders once a week and tips at least 10 bucks

Unfiltered Story #167595

, , | Unfiltered | September 20, 2019

(I work at a small town pizza place. We get our crusts frozen because we have to small of a staff to hand make the crusts. All crusts come frozen on a piece of foil)
A customer walks in, looking the restaurant over with a sour face.
Coworker- Welcome to (restaurant name), how can I help you?
Customer- Is your pizza cooked on foil?
Coworker- Yes, we have to cook it on the foil to keep the crust from burning.
Customer- WRONG! That makes the crust soggy.
(My coworker stares at her in disbelief)
Customer- Are your topping on top of the cheese?
Coworker- (firmly) No, because putting them on top of the cheese makes the grease pool and makes the pizza taste terrible.
Customer- WRONG! Putting it UNDER the cheese makes it greasy! I would never order your disgusting food!
Coworker- Well then how about you make it yourself because you know so much more than a PIZZERIA that’s been the most successful in town for 5 YEARS!
(The customer storms out. My coworker is one of the best at dealing with difficult customers, I would never imagine someone could be rude enough to make her snap!)