The Origin Of Free Pizza

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(There is a football match, called the State of Origin, between two of the Australian states — Queensland and New South Wales. It is taken quite seriously. I work in a pizza shop in New South Wales, but I am a Queenslander born. The customer in this story has come in later on in game time, ordered his pizza, and paid. After I have made his pizza and put it in the oven, he begins talking to me.)

Customer: “Do you know the score for the game?”

Me: “No. Sorry, mate, we don’t have a television here. Besides the fact that I volunteered to work this evening because I don’t watch football, I would be cheering for Queensland if I was watching.”

(He stares at me.)

Customer: “I don’t want a pizza made by a Queenslander.”

(He walked away. He never came back, and I got free dinner.)

A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 5

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2018

(I am at the end of a long Saturday pizza delivery shift. I ring the doorbell at one home, and a man comes to the door, yelling to his family:)

Customer: “Pizza’s here!”

(A little girl, maybe three years old, joins her dad at the door. When she sees me, her eyes grow wide, and she says:)

Girl: “I love the pizza man!”

(She then hugs my right leg with all her might. That little sweetie made my whole week!)

A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 4
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 3
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 2

They Pho-got To Mention

, , , , , | Working | March 7, 2018

(It’s my daughter’s birthday, and a brand-new pizza restaurant has just opened up down the road from my house. We are very excited to try it out, because most of the places around us are chain pizza places. We call ahead and make a reservation for ten people on a Wednesday night, and we ask the lady on the phone about what pizza toppings they have, etc. When we arrive at the restaurant Wednesday, we are seated right away, and everything seems okay.)

Waiter: “Welcome to [Pizza Place]. Can I start you off with drinks?”

Me: “We will have a pitcher of ginger ale, [soda], and water, please, and we already know what type of pizzas we would like to order.”

Waiter: “Oh, we don’t have pizza tonight. We only serve pizza a couple nights a week.”

(My family and I laugh a bit but notice the waiter is not laughing with us.)

Me: “Wait. Are you serious?

Waiter: “Yeah… No pizza tonight.”

Me: “But the business has ‘pizza’ in the name! I talked with the lady on the phone about pizza! She never once said there would be no pizza on the night of our reservation!”

Waiter: “We serve pho the rest of the week. Would you like pho?”

Me: “No!”

(We walked out and ended up ordering from a chain pizza place.)

High Quality Pizza

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2018

(I work for a well-known pizza chain as a delivery guy, but I also occasionally answer the phone for pick-up orders.)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Chain]. How can I help you tonight?”

Customer: *silence, then muffled laughter*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: *clumsily, as if he has trouble speaking* “Yeah, I… I’d like, uh… pizza.”

(By now it’s clear to me that he’s high as a kite.)

Me: “Okay, can you tell me your address, please?”

Customer: *muffled laughter*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Say… If I don’t give you the address, you can’t deliver the pizza, right?”

Me: *deadpan* “Well, no.”

Customer: *hangs up*

(The same guy calls several times more, and all of the exchanges are exactly like this.)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Chain]. How can I help you tonight?”

Customer: *muffled laughter* “Yeah, uh…” *hangs up*

(My manager has been watching the whole thing, grinning.)

Me: “High as f***.”

Manager: “I figured.”

Someone Is Telling (And Eating) Porkies

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need a large pizza with no pork; I’m allergic to pork.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. What toppings would you like?”

Customer: “Pepperoni, bacon, ham, and sausage.”

Me: “You do understand that every thing you ordered is pork, correct?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just allergic to a lot of pork.”

(Thirty minutes after the customer picks up their pizza, I get a call from the same person.)

Customer: “I asked for no pork on my pizza, and it’s all over it, and I’m allergic!”

Me: “Okay, then, no problem. I’d be happy to give you your money back, as long as you have that whole pizza.”

Customer: “It’s gone. I ate it all already; I was hungry. I need another pizza for free, or my money back!”

Me: “Nope.”

(I hung up. I am the manager there. I’m not an idiot when people try to get free food. They never ordered from us again.)

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