Medium-Sized Demands

| Spain | Crazy Requests, Popular

(We get a call five minutes before closing.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to order one pizza, medium-sized! But it must be medium, okay? I won’t accept it if it’s not medium! It MUST be medium-sized!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, medium-sized. All clear.”

Customer: *after a few seconds still rambling about the size* “The toppings will be extra cheese, extra pepperoni, extra mushrooms, extra pepper, extra onion, extra chicken, extra tuna, and extra corn. Did you get that? But it MUST be medium-sized! I won’t accept it if it’s not medium-sized! And make sure it’s cooked dry; I won’t accept it any other way.”

Me: *confused, trying to take note as fast as I can* “Uhm… yes, ma’am, sure. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “Yes, give me two meat lasagnas, two spinach lasagnas, chicken nuggets, french fries, and six bottles of water. Oh, and put the lasagnas in pizza boxes. They MUST be in pizza boxes! I won’t accept them if they’re not in pizza boxes! Read what I asked for.”

(I read her the receipt with all she asked for.)

Customer: “Okay, but the pizza MUST be medium-sized, okay? And bring some napkins. And the bottles of water must be separated in two different bags! I won’t take them if they’re in the same bag!” *click*

(Later, my manager told me that she would call three random days a week, always five minutes before closing, and she’d always ask for the same, but changing certain small details so we couldn’t know beforehand what she’d ask for.)


Peppered With Stupidity

| Stillwater, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a pizza place and answer phone calls. This is one that happened on a busy Saturday night.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How may I help you?”

(I can barely hear him but he seems to go off on a rant right away.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I didn’t catch that. Could you please speak up?”

Caller: “I just f****** told you.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I couldn’t hear you.”

Caller: “I ordered a f****** pizza with banana peppers and got green peppers.”

Me: “Okay, sir, what was the address?”

(The caller gives address and I look up the receipt.)

Me: “All right. On the ticket it says green peppers. Was this an online order or did you call?”

(He tells me he ordered online so I find the online ticket and sure enough, green peppers.)

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do anything for you. You ordered green peppers online and that’s what you got.”

Caller: “F*** you!” *hangs up*


Brothers In Arms

, | Port Charlotte, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(My younger brother and I both manage at a chain pizza place in our local mall. Although five years apart we regularly get asked if we are twins. One Sunday morning after a long night of drinking we are both working. He is in the back room prepping food; I am out front manning the register. A customer walks up and asks the price of a slice of pizza. Had he turned his head 30 degrees left he’d have seen the price board right next to him.)

Customer: “How much for a slice of pepperoni?”

Me: *turning my head slowly and slightly toward the price board* “$1.79 according to the board.”

Customer: *immediately irate* “I want to see your manager right now!”

Me: “Okay, let me get him for you.” *slowly walk through swinging door to kitchen on left side of service area* “Hey, bro, some guy out front wants to talk to the manager.”

(My brother walks out front by way of the other door to see what he can do for the man.)

Brother: “Yes, sir, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I told you, I want to see the manager.”

(My brother walks back in the same door he used.)

Brother: “He says he wants to talk to you now.”

(I walk back out front through the same door I had previously used.)

Me: “Yes, sir, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “How many times do I have to tell you? I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!”

(I walk into the back again and tell my brother he’s needed by the customer again, brother then goes back out the door he’s been using.)

Brother: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “F***! I told you to get the manager! Now don’t you move a step. Call the manager out here so we can all have words.”

Brother: *pushes the door open and shouts to the back* “Hey, come on out here. Now he wants to talk to both of us.”

(I walk out front, and smile broadly at the customer.)

Me: “Yes, sir? How may WE help you?”

(Looking back and forth between us.)

Customer: “Well, obviously I’m not going to get anything done here!”

Me & Brother: *simultaneously* “Nope.”


A Hot Slice Of Common Sense, Part 3

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Two conversations I have on a scarily regular basis in my pizza shop:)

Me: “Can I grab a phone number, please?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, hold on. It’s [number].”

Me: “That’s our number; I need your number, please.”


Me: “Can I grab a name for the order, please?”

Customer: “Isn’t it already called the Meat Lovers?”

A Hot Slice Of Common Sense, Part 2
A Hot Slice Of Common Sense


Horrifically Bad Timing

| MB, Canada | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Popular

(I am delivering pizza. I am going up to a house at about 11 pm and ring the doorbell. Immediately I hear a blood-curdling scream of absolute terror. A face looks out the window next to the door.)

Customer: *behind the door* “Oh, thank god!”

(Upon opening the door, it turned out the couple were watching a horror movie, and I had rung the doorbell at the exact wrong moment.)

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