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Not Panning Out Well

| Grants, NM, USA | Food & Drink

(I work for a very popular pizza delivery chain. During my shift I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like to order an ultimate pepperoni pizza.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, may I ask is this for delivery or carry out?”

Customer: “Delivery.”

Me: “And what size pizza and style of crust would you like?”

Customer: “I want a large pan pizza.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. We only carry pan pizza in medium.”

Customer: “Why? What if that’s what the customer wants? How much is this going to cost me anyway?”

Me: “We’ll, ma’am, we haven’t finished your order yet. I still need to know the size and style of crust you would like.”

Customer: “I already told you, large pan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we only carry pan crust in medium. The pans themselves are medium size. There is no way for us to make a large pan pizza. You can get a medium pan for [amount].”

Customer: “I don’t want a medium; I want a large.”

Me: “Well, here are the crusts available in large: hand tossed, Brooklyn style, or crunchy thin.”

Customer: “Hand tossed, I suppose.”

Me: “All right. What else can I get for you? Drinks? Sides? Desserts?”

Customer: “I want a two-liter [Brand #1 Soda] and 14-piece hot wings.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only carry [Brand #2 Soda] products.”

Customer: “Well, Jeezus, can’t you people ever satisfy anyone?! You are not good at your job at all. I want regular [Brand #2 Soda] and make sure to send peppers and parmesan cheese with the driver.”

Me: “Ma’am, we do have to charge for the parmesan now because it comes in a larger shaker container.”

Customer: “This is such bull-s***! I call you expecting good customer service and I bet you were even going to charge me for the delivery weren’t you!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Our delivery charge is $2.99 and the cost goes to our insurance company to help protect our drivers on the road. None of the $2.99 goes to the driver.”

Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m never ordering from here again. I’m going to have you boycotted into bankruptcy. Then you’ll see.”

Me: “All right, ma’am. So, are you canceling your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “Well, I apologize for any inconvenience and I do hope you have a great day.”

Customer: “F*** you, you piece of s***!” *hangs up*

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A Bit Too Cheese-Thick

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The pizza place I work at has an item on the menu called cheese-sticks, which is pretty much garlic bread with cheese on a pizza base cut into sticks instead of slices.)

Customer: “Hi, can you do garlic bread with cheese, please?

Me: “Well, we have cheese-sticks which is garlic bread with cheese, just cut differently!”

Customer: “Er… no, I want garlic bread with cheese?”

Me: “That would be cheese-sticks then, sir.” *adds item to order*

Customer: “No, I want garlic bread with cheese? Can you remove cheese-sticks from the order, please?”

Me: “The cheese-sticks is garlic bread with cheese, sir, just cut differently. I can have it cut into slices if you want?”

Customer: *looks at a bunch of his friends and gives them the ‘is this girl thick’ look*

Manager: “[My Name], do what he says.” *gives me dead eye*

Me: “Garlic bread with cheese, then!” *types in cheese-sticks*

Customer: “Thanks, wasn’t too hard was it?”

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Buy Him A Hot Slice Of Karma, Part 2

| CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(It’s my last few days as a shift manager for a national pizza chain, so my filter is off because I know I won’t be fired. One of the order takers calls me to the phone, saying the customer on the line wants to talk to a manager.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you the manager?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “I wanted to complain about my pizza! It was terrible!”

(He goes on a rant about how every time he orders from us, the pizza is awful and why can’t we get it right? I break in long enough to get his details and pull up his account and see we’ve given at least a dozen free pizzas after he’s complained.)

Customer: “And I’m never ordering another pizza from you guys ever again!”

Me: “All right, that sounds fine to me. Thank you. Goodbye.” *I start to hang up*

Customer: “Wait, wait! Don’t hang up on me!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t think there was anything else I could help you with.”

Customer: *sputtering* “Well, aren’t you even going to offer me a free pizza credit for next time?!”

Me: “And call you a liar? Sir, I would never! You said you weren’t ordering from us ever again, and I believe you. Bye!”

(I hung up. Best interaction I ever had while working there.)

Related:
Buy Him A Hot Slice Of Karma

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Panicking At The Tipping Point

| Canada | Food & Drink, Money, Non-Dialogue

I am the customer. I order a pizza online and get a “Pizza of the Day” deal for a $10 discount.

When the pizza is delivered, I notice I do not have my card with me. My mistake. I forgot how much the order was for, so I ask him to tell me the amount, and he just shows me the receipt.

I am in a hurry, so I notice the total amount ($41) before the deal discount, frantically try to search for some loonies since he does not have any spare change on him, and finally give him $46.

All this time he is smiling at me, and I am just thinking may be he is trying to be friendly.

Just now, the order email confirmation catches my eye, and I see that I paid an extra $15 for the pizza delivery and realize that probably that’s why the delivery guy was smiling, thinking he is getting a huge tip!

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They Will Ghetto-ver It

| Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink

(I recently began working at a popular pizzeria near a really bad neighborhood. Because of that, we cut off delivery to certain parts of our area in the evenings to protect our drivers. One evening the phone rings, and because I’m being trained on the point-of-sale system that day, my coworker answers as I watch. I can also hear what the customer is saying.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Pizzeria]. My name is [Coworker]. Will this be for delivery or carryout?”

Customer: “Delivery.”

Coworker: “Okay, what’s the address?”

(The customer gives their address, which is on one of the streets that is affected by the cut-off time.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we don’t deliver to [Street] after [cut-off time].”

Customer: “Okay.” *yelling to someone on their end* “MA! THEY DON’T DELIVER TO THE GHETTO!” *click*

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