(I’m calling to order from a local, single-location pizzeria, to which I have a coupon to receive a free medium pizza with the purchase of a regular-price medium pizza.)

Phone Girl: “Thanks for calling [Pizzeria]. Could you please hold?”

(She sets the phone down without waiting for me to say something, and I hear her speaking to her coworker about getting tickets to a concert coming up, but brush it off. After a moment, she returns to my call, and I begin to order after I give my name and contact information.)

Me: “I’d like two medium pizzas, one cheese and one pepperoni. I’ve got a buy-one-get-one-free coupon to use on them.”

Phone Girl: “You know, if you get a extra large pizza and do half cheese and half pepperoni, it’s only $4 more.”

Me: “That’s okay. I’ve got the coupon, so I’ll just take the two mediums.”

Phone Girl: “Are you sure? One extra large has six slices more than the two mediums, and it’s only $4 more.”

Me: “Just the two mediums for today, thanks.”

Phone Girl: “That’ll be about fifteen minutes. Your total comes to [three times as much as what I ordered would cost] and we’ll take off the coupon once you get here.”

(She hangs up without waiting for me to say anything, but I’m well aware that she’s made a mistake. I try to call back several times to correct the mistake, but the line remains busy. I give up and head to the shop to collect my food. The only people there are two bored-looking college-age girls, and the man whose name tag says that he’s the owner.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here to pick up an order for [My Name].”

Owner: *as the girl goes to grab the pizzas* “The two mediums and the two extra larges? That’ll be [three times as much as what I ordered would cost].”

Me: “I think there was a miscommunication. I had called to order the two mediums, since I have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon. The girl who took my order tried to sell me on the extra large because of the size similarity, but I told her I just wanted the mediums. I’m not sure how the extra larges got added to my order, but I didn’t order them.”

Owner: “Can’t you just take the extra larges, too, though? I’ll take off your coupon for the free medium, and your total will be [still more than twice what I ordered].”

Me: “I’m only trying to feed six people, so we don’t really need that much food. I’d just like the mediums I ordered, please.”

Owner: “Well, the pizzas are already made. They’ll just be thrown away if you don’t buy them.”

Me: “I didn’t order the extra larges, though. I don’t want them.”

Owner: “So you mean to tell me that we put in the work to make four pizzas, and you only want two of them?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the extra work, but that isn’t what I ordered.”

Owner: “We put in the work to make them and everything. I’d hate to think you just want them to go to waste. Can’t you just buy them and save them for lunch tomorrow or something?”

Me: “I’m not going to do that. I just want the two mediums.”

Owner: “But now, I’ve got two pizzas that are going to waste, and I’ve still got to pay my staff for the work.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that, but that isn’t my fault. I’m only willing to pay for what I ordered.”

Owner: *as he snatches the cash and coupon from where I set them on the counter* “Fine. Fine! Your total is going to be [actual total]. Thanks for wasting our product and our time with your order.” *with biting sarcasm* “Enjoy, and have a pleasant evening!”

(Suffice to say, I won’t be ordering from them again!)

(I’d worked for this particular pizza chain for many years before finally getting my own store. My first month there I realize I need to hire more staff and start taking applications right away. One of my very first interviews is for a delivery driver position and it is going well. We go over in detail what his job duties would be and he seems really excited about the job.)

Me: “Well, everything looks great, I really like your enthusiasm, and I think you’ll be a great fit for this job. Now all I need to do is run an MVR (Motor Vehicle Report) on you and make sure you’re eligible to drive. It should only take a few days and I’ll let you know. I just need to see your license.”

Interviewee: “What license?”

Me: “Your driver’s license…”

Interviewee: “Oh, I don’t have one of those.”

Me: “You don’t have a driver’s license? You do realize this position is for a delivery driver, right?”

Interviewee: “Yeah, but I didn’t think I needed to have a license to do that.”

Me: “You didn’t think you needed a driver’s license to drive?”

(After this I started asking every potential applicant BEFORE bringing them in for an interview. In the two years since this happened I’ve had this exact same conversation with more than a dozen people.)

(I manage a pizza store, and go in at 10:30 pm to help close up. I am in my casual clothes and I’m completely exhausted. I go outside the store to use the bathroom when I am stopped by someone.)

Stranger: “Gimme the safe keys.”

Me: *groggy* “Safe keys?”

Stranger: “The f****** store safe keys!”

Me: “…safe keys?”

(The safe keys are in the store, but I am so tired I barely know my own name. Before the stranger can respond a coworker comes outside, and the stranger bolts.)

Coworker: “Who was that?”

Me: “That guy wanted safe keys… Wait, did that guy just kinda try to rob the store?”

(If the coworker hadn’t shown up, the stranger could have easily harmed me in my state. This is one of many reasons that you shouldn’t overwork your store managers!)

(I’ve worked in our local pizza place longer than any manager I have. I’m very good at what I do and whether the asst. managers or the general manager like me or not, they recognize me as the best. In the past few years the managers have gotten worse and worse. The following is an interaction I have with my general manager. I ask to have this meeting with him to bring to him the issues of: managers and employees stealing, employees showing up to work late or not at all, not coming in proper dress code, and putting out some pretty sub-par food.)

General Manager: “I never see anyone stealing and I trust my managers.”

Me: “Who in their right mind would steal right in front of you? I’m talking about employees and managers taking food for free. And of course you trust the managers. To your face they’re nice, but behind your back they laugh at how gullible you are. I’m not trying to put you down; I’m trying to help you.”

General Manager: “I don’t believe that, and as far as the other rules being broken, I was told when I took this position that I would have to learn to let things go. So no, I’m not going to punish people for being late, out of dress code, and not showing up.”

(At this point I have a bewildered look on my face.)

General Manager: “YOU choose to follow all the rules. YOU choose to make every pizza the best quality. I can’t expect anyone else to do that. As long as the customer doesn’t complain, I don’t care.”

Me: “How can that be your answer? This is your whole job! Is this really how things are going to be?”

General Manager: “Yes. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “No, your complete lack of interest said it all. Thanks.”

(I order a mushroom calzone with no pesto. When I get my order it has pesto on it, so I take it back up to the counter.)

Me: “Excuse me, I ordered this with no pesto.”

Employee: “Sorry, the mushrooms come canned in a pesto sauce.We can’t make one without the other.”

Me: “I specifically asked if it could me made without pesto when I ordered it and [Other Employee] said yes. Can I at least get something else?”

Employee: “We don’t do returns. You’re just going to have to eat it.”

Me: “No, I’m allergic to nuts. This could literally kill me.”

Employee: “Well, sorry, but—”

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

(I explain the situation to him, and he not only refunds me but he also gives me a slice of cheese pizza for free.)

Manager: “Sorry for almost killing you!”