Deliver Us From Stupidity

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi thank you for calling [pizza chain]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I ordered a pizza two hours ago and it still hasn’t arrived.”

Me: “I am sorry about that, sir. Can I get your phone number? We can see what happened.”

(The customer gives me the phone number.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but it appears your order was placed for carryout.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t understand what that means.”

Me: “Well, it means you need to actually come down to the store and pick it up.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought it meant you would carry it out to me.”

Me: “No sir, that would be delivery. Would you like me to switch it to delivery for you?

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Stone Baked Goodness

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(I answer a phone call from an obviously high customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. Will this be for dine in, take out or delivery?”

Customer: “Do you guys have any specials?”

Me: “Yes, right now we have an extra large pepperoni pizza for $12.99.”

Customer: “Woah! That’s a great stoner pizza! Wait, did I say that out loud?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Awesome!”

A Sign That Tells The Future Is A Sign

, | Chapel Hill, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in and orders two large pizzas and tries to pay with a $100 bill.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t provide more than $20 in change.”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “It’s our policy.”

Customer: “Then you should have a sign up telling people that!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you look to your right you’ll see just such a sign.”

Customer: “You should have a sign that tells people before they get here!”

A Hot Slice Of Obvious

| Pocomoke, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, can I have a half pepperoni, half sausage?”

Me: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “Could you make sure that both halves are on the same pizza?”

Doesn’t Un-Dough-Stand What Pizza Is

| Wyoming, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Place]. Is this for carry out or delivery?”

Caller: “Yeah, uh, I need to order a small pizza for carry out.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like on it?”

Caller: “No cheese, ’cause I don’t like cheese.”

Me: “No problem.”

Caller: “And no sauce, I hate sauce.”

Me: “Okay. What toppings would you like?”

Caller: “Oh, just plain.”

Me: “Plain?”

Caller: “Yeah, no toppings.”

Me: “So, you want a small pizza with NO cheese, NO sauce, and NO toppings?”

Caller: “Yeah. Do you, like, have a special name for that?”

Me: “Bread.”