Their Jobs Are As Stuffed As Their Crusts

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | October 21, 2013

(Business has been slow lately due to the opening of another, candidly better pizza place across the highway, and I’ve got a pretty good idea that we’ll be going out of business soon. I go to talk to my boss about it.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], you know I see all the receipts when I close, so I’ve got a pretty good idea where we stand.”

Boss: “Yeah, it’s not been good lately. But we’ll pull through!”

Me: “Okay, but if we ever did have to close down, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know in advance. I won’t leave you in the lurch, and I promise to stick around to help you close out, but I’d like to at least have the warning so I can figure out my next move.”

Boss: “Sure thing. I’ll give you at least a couple of weeks warning.”

Me: “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

(Literally two weeks later, I get a call from a buddy at the comic book store next door.)

Friend: “Hey, what’s with the moving van in front of the pizza place?”

Me: “What? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.”

(I call the store. My boss answers.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], what’s with the moving truck in front of the place?”

Boss: “Oh, ah, well, after seeing the receipts for last night I knew we couldn’t keep going, so…”

Me: “So you managed to somehow decide to close down, go get a moving truck, and start taking everything out of the store all in the same day?”

Boss: “Um, yeah.”

(Irritated, I call up the other employees and we go down to make sure we get our final paychecks. The boss pays us in cash, and we part ways. A few days later, I get another call from my friend at the comic book store.)

Friend: “Hey, you should come down here. We’ve got a bunch of cops here looking for [Boss]!”

Me: “What?! Why?”

Friend: “Well, apparently when he moved out, he took the pizza oven and a bunch of other stuff with him, and they were on lease from [Pizza Chain’s] home office!”

(The pizza oven in question? It weighed over a thousand pounds and I was certain that it had no wheels. I have no idea how in the world he managed to get it out of there or who the heck would buy it!)

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The End Is Nigh-Phone

| TX, USA | Right | October 12, 2013

(An elderly customer calls our shop trying to find out if we have another location that is close enough to his address to deliver to him. I grab one of the menus with our locations and phone numbers on it to assist him, since we can’t access the internet in the store.)

Caller: “I’m in [town an hour south of us].”

Me: “Okay, well we have a shop in [town just north of him].”

Caller: “No, no, I already called them! They said it was too far!”

Me: “Oh, alright, sorry about that. The next location I’m showing here is in [big city even further south].”

Caller: “I ain’t going into the city!”

Me: “Okay. Well, the next thing we could try is if you have access to a computer; you can go on our website and it will be able calculate from your address—”

Caller: “I ain’t got one of those d*** computers, and I have no desire for one either.”

Me: “Um, okay, well—”

Caller: “Because when the end comes, I’m gonna be sitting back in my house laughing and watching all the chaos while everyone else goes crazy because your iPhones don’t work no more!”

Me: “Okay…”

Caller: “Well thanks anyway for your help, and you think about what I said, missy.” *hangs up*

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Watered Down Purchase

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | September 10, 2013

Coworker: “Here they come.”

Me: “Who?”

Coworker: “The ‘Drink Ladies From Hell.'”

(Five women and their five-year-old daughters enter. The kids are wearing ballet outfits, and clearly have just come from dance lessons.)

Woman: “Five waters, to go, please.”

(We fill up five Styrofoam cups of water, at no charge. The women plant themselves at a table and talk for about an hour. The kids run wild through the restaurant, pulling napkins from other tables, spilling salt and pepper, and just generally making a mess. They do this every week for more than a year. To my knowledge, they have never spent any money with us.)

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Staff Have Trouble Written All Over Them

| USA | Working | September 9, 2013

(My uncle and I are Maori, and from New Zealand. We’re visiting the USA. A Ta Moko is a Maori tattoo that more or less tells your story. My uncle has a full face Ta Moko, while I just have Ta Moko on my arms. My uncle and I are visiting a pizza shop; there’s only two teenagers working currently at the registers.)

Uncle: “We’ll have two large pizzas, both pepperoni.”

Cashier #1: “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”

Uncle: “Pardon? What is our kind?”

Cashier #1: “You tattoo freaks, with your weird designs and green colors.”

Uncle: “We’re not ‘tattoo freaks’; these happen to be Ta Mokos, which are of the Maori culture.”

Cashier #2: “Just shut up and leave; stop making excuses for being druggie tattoo freaks.”

Me: “Pardon? We’re not making excuses. Maori is a real thing; Ta Mokos are special types of tattoos that are special to the Maori culture, and by saying that being of the Maori culture is just an excuse for drugs, then that’s discrimination against a race, and of course it’s against regulation to not serve customers just because they come from a race that is different from yours.”

Cashier #1: “Yeah right, just leave and stop trying to be all cool and druggie.”

Uncle: “Get your manager, now.”

Cashier #2: “Fine, but he’ll just tell you the same thing.”

(The manager comes out and apologizes, saying that he was actually planning to visit New Zealand and is fascinated by the Maori culture. We end up getting a pizza for free, and it was fresh and delicious! Kind managers make up for the terrible employees.)

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And To Topping It All Off…

| Lubbock, TX, USA | Working | August 12, 2013

(I am ordering a pizza.)

Employee: “Hello! Can I take your order?”

Me: “Yes, I would like a large pizza with pepperoni and sausage.”

Employee: “So, you would like a large pepperoni pizza?”

Me: “No, I would like a large pepperoni and sausage pizza.”

Employee: “So, you want a sausage pizza too?”

Me: “No, I want one large pizza with pepperoni and sausage.”

Employee: “So, that’s two large pizzas?”

Me: “No! I want one pizza. One large pizza. This one large pizza that I want will have two toppings. These two toppings will be pepperoni and sausage.”

Employee: “Okay. I got it.”

(Naturally the employee messed up my order and made two large one topping pizzas, one with pepperoni and one with sausage. I started online ordering my pizzas from then on.)

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