We’ll Make You As Right As Rain

| Florida, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(It’s a Friday night after the evening rush. It’s pouring rain, and generally people are more irritable if they have to be in the rain after a long day at work. Such is the case with this customer.)

Customer: *walks in* “Evenin’.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [shop name]. Did you already have an order with us?”

Customer: “No. Do you have a menu I can look at?”

Me: “Yes, I have one right here.”

(I hand her a take-home menu, but there is a large board menu above me that’s pretty obvious.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess I could’ve just looked up there, huh.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: *frowning* “Agreeing with me makes you sound like you’re making fun of me.”

Me: “I would never. I value your service with us.”

Customer: “As you should.”

(15 minutes later…)

Customer: “Is my pizza done yet?”

Me: “It should be done any second now.”

Customer: “Why does it take so long? I could’ve just gone to [competitor shop name] and been home with a pizza by now.”

Me: “Well, we cook everything to order to ensure your food is always fresh.”

Customer: “Well, you haven’t done anything except fold pizza boxes. I could’ve done that for you, and you could’ve gone to make my pizza and have it to me quicker.”

Me: “There’s already a staff on the food line right now. Adding me back there wouldn’t help at all.”

(She picks up an unfolded pizza box and examines it.)

Customer: “Well, this is certainly too easy of a job. I could do it blindfolded!”

(The customer struggles with folding box, and finally gets the box folded after five minutes of toying with it. In that same time, I’ve already made a stack and am working on another set.)

Customer: “See? Too easy.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, let’s have us a challenge. I get an employee discount to use every week, and I haven’t used it yet. If you can fold an 18-set stack faster than me, I’ll add that discount to your order.”

Customer: “You’re on!”

(The customer’s food comes out. She finishes her stack, but long after I’ve completed mine. She picks up her food and begins walking to the door.)

Customer: “So much for my discount, but thank you for entertaining me. I had a pretty s***y day today, and you cheered me up, AND the rain has stopped. You’ve earned the shop a regular customer!”

Eye Can’t Believe It

, | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant’s name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ll have—”

(The customer finally makes eye contact and then stares at me for a couple of seconds.)

Me: “Ma’am? Is everything all right?”

Customer: “Your eyes…”

(I typically get compliments on my blue eyes, so I just smile.)

Me: “Thank you. What can I get for you?”

(The customer is still transfixed on my eyes.)

Customer: *slowly* “Are… they real?”

Me: “Um, yes.”

Customer: “Are they yours?”

Me: *laughing* “No, I stole them from a corpse.”

(I realize that she thinks I’m serious.)

Me: “They’re my real eyes! I was born with them.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Positive.”

Customer: *orders and quickly leaves, staring cautiously at my eyes the whole time*

Related:
An Eye For An Eyepatch

Would You Like Smoke Up Or Delivery

| Bucks County, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(Note: My boss only purchased this particular pizza shop about four years ago. I am answering a phone call at the beginning of my shift.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [shop name]. Will this be for pick-up or delivery?”

Customer: “Uh, is this the NEW [shop name]?”

Me: “Yes, the current owner purchased this restaurant about four years ago.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Uh…can I get a delivery?”

Me: “Sure! What’s your address?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just want two large pies and a dime bag.”

Me: *taken aback* “Um…excuse me?”

Customer: “Two large pies and a dime bag.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir…a dime bag?!”

Customer: “Can’t I get a dime bag with my delivery?”

Me: “No, absolutely not. We only sell food here…no dime bags!”

Customer: “Oh, okay then.”

(He proceeds to give me his contact information for two large pies. After the call ends, I bring the order into the kitchen. However, before I have a chance to even hand the slip to the cook, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [shop name]. Will this be for pick-up or delivery?””

Same Customer: “Uh, yeah, I wanna cancel my order for two large pizzas.”

Me: “Okay, so you want to cancel the two pizzas, correct?”

Same Customer: “Yeah. Unless I can get a dime bag with them, that is.”

Me: “No, you still can’t get a dime bag.”

Same Customer: “Oh, okay. Yeah, cancel the order…”

(I found out later that 15 years ago, a previous owner used to run a little “side operation” for quite some time before the police caught on and sent him to jail.)