They Read A Pizza My Mind

| Lexington, KY, USA | Right | January 7, 2014

Me: *taking an order over the phone* “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. I would like to order two large pizzas, and I want the first one with sausage.”

Me: “Okay, and what would you like for the second one?”

Caller: “I don’t know. Surprise me.”

(I am almost about to do just that. All of a sudden I hear a second person on the other line.)


Caller: “Okay. Sorry. Make that second one pepperoni.”

Me: “What’s the matter? Don’t you like anchovies?”

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It’s All In The Delivery

| MI, USA | Working | January 1, 2014

(We’re slightly rural, but close to a freeway. I call the local pizza place, and get redirected to another one about 15 miles away, mostly on the freeway so it’s still only about a 15 minute drive.)

Me: “I’m 15 miles away in [area]. Will you still deliver?”

Pizza Place: *after a long pause* “Yes.”

Me: “Same delivery fee? And how long?”

Pizza Place: “Yes. About an hour, we’re very busy.”

(I check with my husband. He says he’ll pick it up.)

Me: “We’ll pick up. About how long?”

Pizza Place: “15 minutes.”

Me: “But if you deliver it would be an hour?”

Pizza Place: “I guess delivery would be less than an hour. There’s nothing really going on right now.”

(I’m starting to get suspicious, but I really want that pizza.)

Me: “We’ll pick up.”

Pizza Place: “Okay, phone number?”

Me: *I give my phone number*

Pizza Place: “Okay.”

Me: “I would like two medium deep dish, please. One with ham only, the other with ham and pineapple.”

Pizza Place: “So ham on both, and one with pineapple?”

Me: “Yes. Two medium deep dish. One with ham, the other with ham and pineapple.”

Pizza Place: “You want deep dish?”

Me: “Yes. Two medium deep dish. One with ham, the other with ham and pineapple.”

(I’m starting to feel like a parrot!)

Pizza Place: “I have to start over then. What is the phone number?”

Me: “Forget it. We’ll get something else.”

(I called another company’s store and received perfect service. It was delicious! Now I know why there are never any cars at that location when I’ve gone past it, and they have room for dining in!)

An Old Hack And A Credit Card Hack

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Right | December 16, 2013

(A customer approaches one of my coworkers.)

Coworker: “Hi! Welcome to [Pizza Place]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to speak with your manager. NOW.”

(Being the manager, I step in.)

Me: “Hi. I’m the manager. How may I help you?”

Customer: “YOU’RE the manager? How old are you? 12?”

Me: “I’m 24, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: *sighs very loudly* “I have a problem. I think my daughter’s credit card was hacked or something. A charge that she doesn’t recognize showed up on the bill. This is the address that showed up for the charge.”

Me: “The address here actually covers the entire strip mall, sir; not just this store. We have a suite number. The name of the pizza place always shows up on our credit card charges.”

Customer: “My daughter and her mother are going to other stores to ask them about the charge. It would really help me if I could make sure the charge didn’t come from your store.”

Me: “I’d be happy to try to help you, sir. Can you give me the date and amount for the charge?”

Customer: “Sure. It’s [date and amount].”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t have any orders from that day that are for that amount.”

Customer: “Whoever stole her card number probably left a tip or something.”

Me: “Sir, we add the tip to the order in the system so we can give cash to our drivers at the end of the night. The total should match exactly.”

Customer: “Maybe you didn’t add it or something!”

Me: “Okay. If you’ll give me the last four digits of your daughter’s card number, I can check the batch report.”

Customer: “I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Can I just see the batch report so I can check for her card number?”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, sir. There are other credit card numbers in that batch report.”

Customer: “So? It’s not like I’m going to steal the card numbers or anything.”

Me: “I’m sure you wouldn’t, sir. But I still can’t show you the report. Since you won’t give me the last four digits of your daughter’s card number, I don’t think I can help you. I suggest you call the company that issued the credit card to dispute the charge. They should be able to remove it and issue your daughter a new card.”


Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t help you. You need to leave, please.”

Customer: “F*** YOU, B****!”

(The customer leaves after flipping me off. I call the cops. They find him screaming at another manager in a store several doors down. Ironically, it turns out the guy had several outstanding warrants for identity theft and credit card fraud!)

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Sub-Standard Sub-Service

| Fairfield, OH, USA | Working | November 30, 2013

(I am attending an event next door. I order a steak sub to go. I leave for a moment, and return just before my order is ready. The employee calls out my name. Before I can get to the counter another customer rushes up, grabs the bag, and walks out. The employee immediately disappears into the kitchen area. The customer comes back in with the sub unwrapped, slams it down on the counter, and yells.)

Customer: “I ordered BREADSTICKS! You ALWAYS mess up my order!”

(The employee looks at it, puzzled. I chime in.)

Me: “That’s because it was my order.”

Employee: “Oh.” *hands it to me* “Well, take it then.”

Me: “I’m not interested in taking a sandwich that another customer has already unwrapped and mangled.”

Employee: “If it was your order why didn’t you take it?”

Me: “She beat me to it. Shouldn’t you double check that it’s the right person grabbing the bag?”

(The employee sighs, and apologizes to the breadstick customer, but not to me.)

Employee: *wearily* “Now I’m going to have to re-make the sub.”
Me: “Well, yeah…”

(I’m starving, and also missing more of the event next door than I’d planned to miss just to grab a sandwich. The customer gets her breadsticks, with another apology, and leaves. Finally I get my sandwich; with no apology, of course. As I walk out, I hear the employee.)

Employee: “Geez, we made her sandwich twice and she didn’t even say thank you.”

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This Customer Can Go Truck Himself

| Boise, ID, USA | Right | November 18, 2013

Caller: “I want to order pizza. I’m f***ing hungry.”

Me: “Okay, let’s get your details. What’s your address?”

Caller: “Exit 49.”

Me: “Um, that’s not a complete address. Unfortunately, I can’t complete an order unless it has a complete address, due to the POS system that we have installed.”

Caller: “I’m in a f***ing semi, and I’m f***ing hungry. GET ME A F***ING PIZZA!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can not complete your order unless you have a complete address. Perhaps you could come pick it up instead?”

Caller: “Well, F*** YOU! I’m in a F***ING SEMI and I’m F***ING HUNGRY! There is no F***ING way I’m driving my F***ING truck all the way out there!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can not help you there. Besides, Exit 49 is outside of our delivery area. Have a good day, sir.”

(The caller hangs up immediately and I quickly inform my manager. The caller calls back less than a minute later.)

Caller: “I want to order pizza. I’m f***ing hungry!”

Manager: “Were you the one who called earlier, asking for a delivery to a semi?”

Caller: “YES! And the other chick wa—”

Manager: “She does not get paid enough to deal with a**holes like you, and frankly, neither do I. Have a good day!” *click*


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