Ramping Up Your Demands

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Working | April 25, 2014

(I had been in a very bad accident. Both my legs are broken and I am using a wheelchair for months. Because of this, we have to have a wheelchair ramp installed on our house temporarily. We have ordered pizza for delivery. The delivery driver rings the doorbell and my husband answers.)

Driver: *to my husband, although he can see me clearly in the wheelchair in the room behind him* “Hey! I don’t like that ramp you had installed! It’s too hard to walk up it!”

Me: “At least you can walk!”

(The driver immediately shuts up and leaves.)

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Delivering Some Stupidity

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Working | February 17, 2014

(My sister is visiting from Edmonton, so she, her son, and our mother are all spending the weekend at my mother’s house. After a rough time getting my nephew to sleep, no one wants to risk waking the kid. We order pizza, and to ensure nothing goes wrong, I elect to wait on the front step with the money so the doorbell or the dogs flipping out won’t wake him. Finally, the car arrives.)

Me: “Ah, excellent. If you could just—”

Delivery Driver: “Excuse me. I need to deliver this.”

Me: “I know; I’m picking it up. I’ve got a baby that just went to sleep and two dogs who flip at anything with a pulse inside, so I’m here to pay and take the pizza.”

Delivery Driver: “I have no proof you live here. You could just take the pizza and leave.” *continues to push past me*

Me: “Dude, wait! Seriously, you make any noise and you’ll wake the baby!”

Delivery Driver: “I can’t trust you.”

Me: “I’ll prove I live here. I’ll let myself in.” *gets up, opens the door, and steps in*

Delivery Driver: *rings the doorbell*

(On cue, I now have two energetic dogs at the front door barking their heads off, but not loud enough to drown out the sound of my nephew, awake and cranky, seconds later.)

Me: “The pizza will be cold before we get to eat it now. Thanks.”

Delivery Driver: “I didn’t know! If you had said something!”

Me: “I did. Twice.”

(I proceed to pay for the pizza.)

Delivery Driver: “Where is my tip?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t hear you. Someone woke the baby.” *closes the door*

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No Thick Crust For Crusty Old Bigots

| GA, USA | Right | January 30, 2014

(A regular at our restaurant comes in while I’m working the register. He’s about 60 and always smells like alcohol. He isn’t the nicest person. It is my first time dealing with him.)

Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

(The regular walks the length of the counter, making sure he can see everyone in the back making pizzas.)

Me: “Sir? Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?”

Regular: “Sausage pizza.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be [price].”

Regular: *pointing* “Is HE gonna cut it?”

Me: “Who?”

(The regular jabs his finger towards the 19-year-old coworker cutting the pizzas. He happens to be our only black employee.)

Me: “Yes, sir. That’s his assigned station for the day. Is that a problem?”

Regular: “If he’s gon’ touch it, I don’t want it.” *walks out*

Manager: “What happened? Did he order anything?”

Me: “No. He said he didn’t want it if [Coworker] was gonna cut it.”

Manager: “Hey, [Coworker]. Do you know that guy?”

Coworker: “Nope. Never seen him in my life.”

Manager: “Wow. I knew he was a little rude but I didn’t know he was racist.”

Me: “Why do we keep serving him?”

Manager: “We’re not allowed to refuse service to anyone, according to company policy, unless he ‘physically or verbally assaults an employee or customer.'”

(A few days pass until the regular comes in again. My coworker is working again, cutting pizzas, and I’m the cashier. My manager isn’t there.)

Me: *with a friendly customer service voice and huge smile* “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t serve your kind here.”

(The regular stares at me, confused. I just keep beaming that smile at him. Eventually he mumbles some racist and sexist slurs and walks out.)

Coworker: “HAVE A NICE DAY!”

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They Read A Pizza My Mind

| Lexington, KY, USA | Right | January 7, 2014

Me: *taking an order over the phone* “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. I would like to order two large pizzas, and I want the first one with sausage.”

Me: “Okay, and what would you like for the second one?”

Caller: “I don’t know. Surprise me.”

(I am almost about to do just that. All of a sudden I hear a second person on the other line.)

Second Person: “DON’T SAY THAT! HE PROBABLY WILL SURPRISE YOU!”

Caller: “Okay. Sorry. Make that second one pepperoni.”

Me: “What’s the matter? Don’t you like anchovies?”

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It’s All In The Delivery

| MI, USA | Working | January 1, 2014

(We’re slightly rural, but close to a freeway. I call the local pizza place, and get redirected to another one about 15 miles away, mostly on the freeway so it’s still only about a 15 minute drive.)

Me: “I’m 15 miles away in [area]. Will you still deliver?”

Pizza Place: *after a long pause* “Yes.”

Me: “Same delivery fee? And how long?”

Pizza Place: “Yes. About an hour, we’re very busy.”

(I check with my husband. He says he’ll pick it up.)

Me: “We’ll pick up. About how long?”

Pizza Place: “15 minutes.”

Me: “But if you deliver it would be an hour?”

Pizza Place: “I guess delivery would be less than an hour. There’s nothing really going on right now.”

(I’m starting to get suspicious, but I really want that pizza.)

Me: “We’ll pick up.”

Pizza Place: “Okay, phone number?”

Me: *I give my phone number*

Pizza Place: “Okay.”

Me: “I would like two medium deep dish, please. One with ham only, the other with ham and pineapple.”

Pizza Place: “So ham on both, and one with pineapple?”

Me: “Yes. Two medium deep dish. One with ham, the other with ham and pineapple.”

Pizza Place: “You want deep dish?”

Me: “Yes. Two medium deep dish. One with ham, the other with ham and pineapple.”

(I’m starting to feel like a parrot!)

Pizza Place: “I have to start over then. What is the phone number?”

Me: “Forget it. We’ll get something else.”

(I called another company’s store and received perfect service. It was delicious! Now I know why there are never any cars at that location when I’ve gone past it, and they have room for dining in!)

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