Some Days You Just Feel Old

, , , , , | Working | April 3, 2020

(I started working as a personal assistant to the elderly in August. Since then, I have begun receiving calls for final expenses. I have no clue how they got my number, but whatever. Usually, I just hang up, but this time I want to try and get on the do-not-call list and press a number to speak with a rep.)

Rep: “Hello, thank you for holding. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hey there. This phone belongs to a 35-year-old. I do not need final expenses. Can you please remove my number from your database?”

Rep: “Oh, I see.”

Me: “…”

Rep: “…”

Me: “So, can you please remove my number?”

Rep: “Are you sure you’re 35?”

Me: *confused pause* “Am I sure I’m 35?”

Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I am. Stop calling.”

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When Making Up Fraud Becomes Fraud

, , , , , , | Working | March 25, 2020

My sister calls me panicking over the fact her heat is about to be shut off due to the fact she never paid her bill. She has just moved into her first apartment and doesn’t have the money at the moment, so I tell her she can use one of my credit cards to make the payment, and then just pay me back. She calls the heating company and they tell her that the credit card company stated it was a fraudulent charge.

I call my credit card company and they are just as confused, as they have no record of a fraudulent charge and haven’t spoken to anyone about it, either. I then call my sister again and relay the information that the payment went through on my end, so something is wrong with the heating company.

It turns out, they accidentally placed a credit on her account, realized the mistake, and withdrew the credit in addition to her payment so it looked like she still owed money. It was completely their fault, and instead of owning up to it, they made a false story about a fraudulent credit card charge to get another payment from her. My sister had a long talk with the supervisor afterward.

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That’s A New Line

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2020

(I work at a hardware store. A customer comes in with a white piece of paper, with a line on it from one side to the other side.)

Customer: “I need this item.”

Me: “I’m gonna send you to the service desk and they will get you what you need.”

Coworker: “Do you need a light bulb, plumbing item, electrical parts, a tool?”

Customer: “No, no, no, the item is white.”

(My coworker gets another coworker to try to figure it out.)

Coworker: “Do you need paint?”

Customer: “YES! I need white paint.”

(I facepalmed. What does that line on a piece of paper have to do with paint?!)

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The Prize Money Is Only For Those Who Can Prove They Don’t Need It

, , , , , , , | Working | February 7, 2020

(A while back, I went to an event in my city, and with admission to that event, I got a free raffle ticket to use at the booth of my choice. I entered a drawing for a $250 gift card and a three-night resort vacation. I’m used to never winning anything, so I basically forgot about it after that day. That was in late June; it is now early December. I get a letter from the company claiming they’ve tried to reach me by telephone and to call them back to arrange picking up my prizes, so I call that evening after work.)

Employee #1: “I just wanted to congratulate you again on winning! Now, in addition to that gift card, you’ve also won a three-night stay at one of our resorts, [Resort #1] or [Resort #2]. Have you been to either of those before?”

Me: “I have not. Can you tell me a little about them?”

(The employee gives a very long, detailed explanation of both resorts, one of which sounds great for my kids.)

Employee #1: “Do you know which one you’d be more interested in?”

Me: “The second one sounds great!”

Employee #1: “Great choice. I just have to ask you a few more questions. What is your household size?”

Me: “Three.”

Employee #1: “All right, and are you married, unmarried, separated, or engaged?”

Me: “Single.”

Employee #1: “Okay, and is your total annual income over [amount that is fairly modest, but more than what I make currently]?”

Me: “It is not.”

Employee #1: “I’m sorry, but you are not eligible to claim this prize.”

Me: “What? I have to have a certain income to claim a prize I’ve already been selected for? That makes no sense.”

Employee #1: “Yes, part of this vacation is that we require you to attend a short seminar about our time-share options. While a purchase is not necessary, we do require that you have enough income to purchase a time-share in order to attend.”

Me: “You could have saved me a lot of time if you’d started off with that.”

Employee #1: *cheerily, as though this is a great consolation prize* “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but I can keep you on our mailing list in case we have any events with a lower income requirement, though!”

Me: “No. Do not contact me.”

(The employee starts to say something, but I’m so annoyed about the twenty minutes that I wasted on this call, his cheerful attitude about baiting and switching me, and — oh, yeah — apparently being too poor to even WIN a vacation, I just hang up on him without bothering to ask if I’m still wealthy enough to get the $250 gift card. The next day, when my temper has cooled off, I call back; a tiny part of me hopes that the guy told me the wrong information, but mostly I just want to see if there’s anyone in this company who is actually capable of expressing empathy before I go stirring the pot online. I get a different employee this time.)

Me: “Hi. I called yesterday about a prize I had won, and I just want to be extra sure I have the correct information. Can you help me out?”

Employee #2: “Sure, how can I help?”

Me: “I see on the letter here that all terms and conditions still apply, but it has been around six months and I was never given an actual copy, so I can’t say I remember what those terms are. Can you email that to me?”

Employee #2: “I can do that for you. Did you have other questions today?”

Me: “Yes. So, when I take this vacation, I have to attend a seminar about time-shares, correct?”

Employee #2: “That is correct.”

Me: “Am I obligated to purchase a time-share that day?”

Employee #2: “No, absolutely not!”

Me: “Am I obligated to purchase down the road?”

Employee #2: “No, it really is no obligation!”

Me: “So, I just have to listen to this seminar, I don’t have to purchase anything that day, and I won’t be penalized for not purchasing anything later on? I can really just listen to your presentation and then never be forced to look at or think about this ever again?”

Employee #2: “Well, if you decide it’s not for you, that’s fine, but I think you will be very interested in this program!”

Me: “Perhaps… I’m not looking to purchase immediately, but I have been researching different vacation time-share companies.”

Employee #2: “Oh, perfect! You will find we offer better rewards than many other companies!”

Me: “That’s great! The problem is, though, the employee I spoke to yesterday said I need to make over [amount] per year to attend the seminar.”

Employee #2: “Yes, we do require that guests who attend our seminars have the means to actually purchase a time-share.”

Me: “But you said there was no requirement to purchase?”

Employee #2: “There is no requirement, yes.”

Me: “So, someone with no intentions of ever purchasing a time-share can attend the seminar and then enjoy their free vacation, as long as their income is over [amount]?”

Employee #2: “Well… yes…”

Me: “But someone who does have an interest in time-shares, but doesn’t have the income right this second, is not allowed to attend the seminar and therefore not eligible to take the vacation they entered to win?”

Employee #2: “…”

Me: “Do you see why this may not be a great way to get business?”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but those are the terms and conditions that go along with this offer. I cannot make any exception.”

Me: “Gotcha. Thanks anyway.”

(Of course, I have no intention of owning a timeshare at all, especially not with a company I’d never heard of before. But at least now I know to avoid hotels that are associated with this company. Yes, I did forget to ask about the gift card. And no, I did not receive my copy of the terms and conditions… probably because there was no income requirement mentioned at time of entry. Lucky me; it was the first time in my life I’ve ever won anything worth more than $20, and I couldn’t actually have it.)

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Unfiltered Story #183968

, , , | Unfiltered | January 25, 2020

(My mother worked as a receptionist for a music publishing company. It’s small, and the atmosphere there is friendly with ongoing teasing. One morning the teasing had been particularly frequent, and Mom was looking for a way to stem the flow.)

Coworker: I’ll be Bach!

Mom: I’ll be Haydn!