(I am working at the box office of a local movie theater for the summer. We have several games — animal cranes, car racing, stacker, etc. — set up in the lobby.)

Customer: “Hi. The crane game ate my quarters; can I have my money back?”

(Thinking it is just a normal malfunction, I say, “Sure, here you go,” and write up a slip. I sit there reading a book until the lady comes back, this time with a child in tow.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I tried it again and it did the same thing. The machine is broken.”

Me: “Okay, here’s another refund; maybe try one of our other machines.”

(The customer comes back not even five minutes later, very frustrated and at this point basically dragging the poor kid behind her.)

Customer: “That machine is broken, too!”

Me: *suddenly getting suspicious, asks a question before giving her the third refund* “What exactly is the machine doing that you’d consider it broken?”

Customer: “Every time my kid pushes the button, the crane goes down, but the prongs aren’t strong enough to grip anything!”

Me: *completely dumbfounded at this point* “The machines aren’t broken; they’re designed that way so that it becomes quite hard or impossible to win. Every single one is like that.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that game is rigged?!”

Me: “Um… yeah?”

(She just looked at me for a second, then stormed off muttering about how she’d never play one of “those stupid games” ever again and how we should be fined for knowingly putting a rigged game in our lobby.)

(I work in the customer service desk and on this particular day, there are two of us. Thankfully, I don’t end up with this customer but my poor coworker does.)

Coworker: “What can I help you with, sir?”

Customer: “I bought a jacket here on clearance four days ago. I love it, but I realized that there are no pockets on it and it’s just all frayed. The seams are pretty much destroyed.”

Coworker: “Sorry about that, sir. We ask customers when they return items if they are damaged, but they sometimes lie to us thinking we will refuse a return if it’s been worn. I’ll make sure to damage it out so nobody else will have this issue.”

Customer: “What do you mean, damage it out? I’m keeping the jacket!”

Coworker: *now getting very confused* “So, what can I help you with, then, if you’re not doing a return?”

Customer: “Well, I went to a seamstress and she said it would cost me around forty dollars to repair the jacket. Since you sold me a faulty item, you should pay for the repairs.”

(A manager is called over.)

Manager: “Do you have your receipt with you, sir?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Do you have the jacket with you?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Do you have the card it was purchased on?”

Customer: “No, but it was on your store card.”

Manager: “Okay, well, we can look it up, then, and call to find the transaction. We will just need you to type in your social, and then see your driver’s license.”

Customer: “I don’t have my license with me; it’s at home.”

(By that point, I was pretty much thinking this guy was an absolute dumba**, because he had no proof that he bought the jacket here and wanted us to give him cash, and he was also driving without his license on him. I ended up getting caught up with my own customers, but somehow my manager managed to make some solution up for him. I honestly hate the company I work for, because we will do absolutely anything for a customer, even when they are complete morons like this one.)

(Our store manager keeps some chairs at the front of the store, for people who want to sit while the rest of their party shops. One day at our morning meeting, he tells us that the regional manager will be visiting next week.)

Store Manager: “And you know how [Regional Manager] always gets on me about the chairs. So, when we hear he’s on his way, we’ll need to get them out of there.”

Coworker: “We should stage an argument. Tell customers to go up to him and complain that the chairs aren’t there.”

Supervisor: “My grandpa can do it!”

(A week later, after the visit is over, at the morning meeting, the store manager tells us about what happened right after the regional manager arrived. It went like this:)

Customer: “Hey, are you corporate?”

Regional Manager: “Not quite, but maybe I can help. What do you need?”

Customer: “I heard they’re having a visit from corporate so they had to take away all the chairs!“

(Upon hearing this at the meeting…)

Coworker: “[Supervisor], was that your grandpa?”

Supervisor: *laughing* “No, I swear!”

Store Manager: “So [Regional Manager] says that since chairs are apparently a special thing that we do, we can keep them out. They’re back on the floor.”

(He then delivered a half-hearted admonishment for whoever let customers know that we were having a visit from a higher-up. Since he was clearly happy about the results, it was not super effective.)

(I am working as a cashier. A customer says that they want to pay their bill for their in-store credit card before checking out. I process the payment and then begin their transaction.)

Me: “Okay, your total today is [amount].”

Customer: “No, I should get a discount for paying my credit card bill up front.”

Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t matter where you pay your bill. You can pay it at any register, online, or even over the phone. I can’t give you a discount on your transaction for paying your credit card bill.”

Customer: “They have done it before! You just don’t know since you’re new.”

Me: “I am kind of new, but in the six months I’ve been working here, I have never heard of this.”

Customer: “You’re just lying to get more money out of me!”

(An assistant manager thankfully was nearby, and I pawned the customer off on her. I still have no idea why she thought she was entitled to a discount for paying her bill up at the front registers.)

(A customer comes in with a bracelet purchased from our store at another location. He has the receipt and is looking to replace it, since the one he bought has some scuffs.)

Customer: “I bought this at the store at [Sister Location].”

Me: “Okay, as long as you have your receipt, you’ll be fine.”

Customer: “I bought it at this store, though.” *begins tapping the receipt showing the location at the top* “Do you know where it is?”

Me: “Not really, although I do know we do have a store there.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t know where it is?!” *begins listing off directions to the other store*

Me: “Sir, this is really not necessary. I know there is a store there; I just don’t know how to get there. I don’t really drive much, except for the town I live in and for coming to work.”

(He begins ranting about the directions to the store again and I interrupt him.)

Me: “Sir, once again, I don’t really drive much. I don’t recognize any of these road names or some of these cities. Even the names of interstates and major roads, I don’t really know. All I need to know is that you purchased this item. It doesn’t matter where.”

(In the end, he decided to keep the bracelet and left. I spent about fifteen minutes with him showing him different jewelry and getting told directions to a store I will never visit.)