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Making Assumptions Can Be Taxing

, , , , , , | Related | May 3, 2022

I am driving with my sister and the song “Neighbors” by J. Cole is on. 

Sister: “Okay, I really relate to this song right now.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Sister: “I think the neighbor’s son is selling weed.”

Me: “Why do you think this?”

Sister: “Because ever since he moved back, there has been a ton of cars driving up to their house, staying for like five minutes, and then leaving.”

Me: “You are so stupid right now.”

Sister: “Why?”

Me: “One, he hasn’t moved back in; he’s just helping out his mom at work. And two, it’s tax season, you idiot! All those people are dropping off their tax stuff because she’s a preparer!”

Sister: “How was I supposed to know?”

Me: “She’s been doing our family’s taxes for years!”

Maybe If I’d Learned That Song I’d Be Better At Math

, , , , , , , , | Learning | April 11, 2022

This took place in 2001. I was nine years old and in third grade. We were just starting to learn multiplication and were learning the multiples of threes. My teacher warned us that from here on out, the multiplications were going to get harder and she didn’t want us to feel overwhelmed, so she came up with a song to help us remember the solutions to multiplying threes.

Teacher: “I am going to sing a song that’ll help you memorize all the multiples of three up to the number thirty. I sing this song every year to my students and I’ve had past students, including middle schoolers and even high schoolers, who come back to visit me tell me they remember this song. Are you ready?”

Us: “Yes!”

Teacher: “Three, six, nine, the monkey drank wine; twelve, fifteen, eighteen, we’re going skating; twenty-one, twenty-four, twenty-seven, we’re almost to heaven; thirty!”

Our class erupted in laughter at the silliness of the song, and we asked her to sing it again which she did.

Classmate #1: “Mrs. [Teacher], there’s no way we’re going to remember this when we get older. It’s too silly!”

Teacher: “You might say that now, but I’m telling you, I have students from many years ago come up to me and say one of their favorite memories was learning this song and they still use it to this day!”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, right!”

Fast forward to today. I just turned thirty and I taught my nine-year-old nephew, who is just starting to learn how to multiply, this song my teacher sang all those years ago. It might sound silly, but it turns out she was right when she said we would never forget that song!

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 49

, , , , , , , | Right | February 17, 2022

A woman and her children come in five minutes before we close — we close at midnight, and I am beyond exhausted — to return a bunch of pants that didn’t fit her kids. Apparently, I miss a pair of jeans, so I have to go through and rescan the pile to see which one I missed.

Customer: “Just hand me the jeans and I’ll match up the barcodes from the receipt to see which pair you missed.”

Me: “That won’t work; it will just be easier if I go through and scan them all to see which pair pops up that wasn’t previously returned.”

Customer: “No, no. Let me do it so you won’t accidentally miss the pair again.”

Me: “Ma’am, that won’t work. The UPC numbers on the receipt for whatever reason are different from the ones on the actual tag. You will be here for years, and the numbers will never match up. I’ve worked returns here for two years now and I know this, so please, just let me scan.”

She purses her lips and finally just lets me scan through the jeans once more. I toss the various jeans into different piles once I’m sure they are not the missing pair.

Customer: “Honey, let’s all keep the jeans in one pile in case you mess up again. Being tidy and organized would have saved you some trouble in the first place.”

Me: “The jeans are in different piles because they need to be. Some can be put directly on the floor. Some can be marked down and sold as clearance because they are online-only items. The rest are to be sent back to the warehouse. I need to keep them separate so they don’t get all mixed together and things end up where they are not supposed to. Please just let me finish as I only have a few pairs left.”

I finally scanned the missing pair and returned them. We were probably a few minutes past close by then and I was eager to get them to leave. The woman called her daughters to come to join her, and I saw in horror that they had decided to go clothes shopping and not just wander the store, and they each had a huge pile. Because all the other registers had been closed, I had to check her out. Also, because she paid cash, I had to recount my drawer because it had to have the exact number of bills and change in there noted for the cash office.

I was one of the last people to leave the store that night.

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 47
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 47
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 46
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 45
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 44

You Shouldn’t Need This To Be A Nice Person, But Here We Are…

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2022

My sister is working at a fast food restaurant and a customer is acting incredibly rude and nasty. Keep in mind that most of the employees are high school students. My sister then notices that the customer is wearing a shirt for a major local business in the area.

Sister: “Oh, do you work at [Business]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Sister: “What’s your name? I know people who work there, and I want to see if they know you?”

He surprisingly tells her his name which is when the fun begins.

Sister: “I’ll make sure to tell [Vice President of the company] you said hi.”

Customer: “You know [Vice President]?”

Sister: “She and my mom are really good friends. Her children are like a little brother and sister to me. My mom pretty much raised them from birth. In fact, we’re friends with all of the family!”

The business is literally named after this family.

Sister: “I also graduated with the president’s son, and we used to hang out a lot in high school. I’ll make sure to tell them you stopped in and said hi!”

The customer was now incredibly nervous. He stopped acting like an a** and was quiet while waiting for his food. My sister said she felt the rush of power as he thought he could bully some random fast food worker only to find out she knew all his bosses and had personal sway with them.

Who Traumatized This Poor Tech?!

, , , , , , , | Healthy | January 26, 2022

Due to a variety of circumstances, our health insurance benefits come from my husband’s former (lousy) employer. They have switched to a new plan that is horrible. I signed us up for a plan from the marketplace but we are forced to keep the current plan for a month. I need to pick up a refill on my husband’s medication and it’s less than a week before Christmas.

Me: “I’m here to pick up a prescription for [Husband].”

Tech: “Sure. Can I get a date of birth?”

She enters the date of birth and freezes, staring at the computer. Finally, she starts to speak.

Tech: “Um, yeah, so, uh, we, we got his inhaler. It, um, it came in today.”

Me: “Okay?”

Tech: “So, it’s um, the insurance…” 

Me: “I assume it’s more expensive under this plan.”

Tech: “Uh, yeah. It’s $405.00.”

Me: “Holy s***. Okay.”

Tech: “So, do you want it?”

Me: “It’s not that I want it. It’s that he needs it, so… yeah.”

Tech: “It’s $405.00.”

Me: “Yes.”

Tech: “Hang on. I’m trying to figure this out.”

Me: “This is horrible insurance. It just started at the beginning of this month and we have new insurance starting next month. I know that’s why. It doesn’t matter about the details.”


I stand there, stunned.

Tech: “They are saying you haven’t reached your deductible yet. Your deductible is—”

Me: *Interrupting* “I know. This plan started this month. We have a new plan for next year. We will never reach the deductible.”

Tech: *Almost yelling* “I know it’s almost Christmas. I can’t help it!”

Me: “Unless you are actually an insurance company executive in disguise, it’s not your fault. Are you ready for my card?”

Tech: “MA’AM! IT’S $405.00!”

The pharmacist, who had been helping another customer, comes over.

Pharmacist: “It’s fine, [Tech]. She’s not upset. She’s not yelling. Just ring her up.”


Pharmacist: “I know. But she’s not mad at you. Just move and I’ll finish up.”

Just then, the store manager and a security guard come RUNNING toward us.

Manager: “Did they get away?”

Pharmacist: “Who? What’s going on?” *Pauses* “OH, MY GOD! [TECH]! Did you hit the panic button?!”

Tech: “Yes, she was upset.”

Pharmacist: “She was shocked at the price but she was not a problem.”

Manager: “What’s going on?”

Pharmacist: “This lady was picking up a refill. Last month it was $45. The new insurance price was $405.00”

Manager: “HOLY S***!”

Pharmacist: “That’s what the customer said, but she was much quieter about it. She wasn’t yelling or upset. She was just very surprised. I’m going to have a talk with [Tech]. There’s no issue here. You guys can leave.”

He manages to finish things up and I pay. All the while, the manager and security guard stand there, staring at me.

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry about all this. You did nothing wrong.”

Me: “Look, don’t be too hard on her. I’m going to assume that most people scream at her for things like this. I was expecting the price to have gone up — maybe not by 800% but up. I’m sorry if she thought I was yelling.”

Pharmacist: “You were fine. I think she just needs to take her break now.”

I sincerely hope she calmed down during her break.